


Twenty Seven

by HeyItsValeria13



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF, Lin Manuel Miranda - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Anxiety, Best Friends, Exes, F/M, Heartbreak, Love, Moving On, Multi, Past Tense, Perhaps Some Smut, Rough past, Salsa dancing, Song Relations, Thoughts of Suicide, a few kinks involved, adorable cinnamon rollness, angst n fluff, ex friends, harassement, i love hamilton way too much, new life, other shit, pretty much no chill whatsoever, reader is for sure not boricua, separate jobs, space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2019-10-19 00:51:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 58,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17591648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyItsValeria13/pseuds/HeyItsValeria13
Summary: When you and your friends have an opportunity of a lifetime to move to New York and pursue your dreams, you couldn't be more hopeful for your future. Really, moving to an unknown city was a major dream of yours. But when you meet your best friend's boss, the infamous composer and amazing at everything else he does, Lin-Manuel Miranda, you begin to develop something more as you get to know him and spend time with him and the cast... What will follow?





	1. A Change of Scenery

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction ever, so please leave constructive criticism if you want! Hope you enjoy  
> p.s. this will be multiple chapters because why not lol

You heard a voice over the intercom say “(Y/N), please make your way to my office.” Not just any voice, your boss’s voice, or Karen. You nervously got up from the table you were sitting at for your lunch break and started heading towards her office.

“Good luck,” your workmate, Liz, whispered. “It probably won't be that bad though, don’t sweat it.” She was obviously lying and was seriously worried.

“Gee thanks, not helping,” you whispered back, turning back to the direction of Karen’s office. 

You had turned 27 a few months ago, or as your friends called it, “marrying age”. You didn’t think it was a good name for 27 first of all, you still enjoyed going out and having fun, plus you don’t have much interest in marrying, but you were open to a relationship. But your life in Florida was everything could’ve dreamed of and everything you’d ever known. You’ve grown up here with your two best friends, Lexie and Edith, who were also your amazing roommates (most of the time anyway), and has always supported you since you first met in the 8th grade. You had a pretty sustainable job at a patisserie, you love there because you get to help people make amazing pastries and foods for important milestones in their lives. 

You also lived in freaking Florida, which pretty much has anything and everything, but you especially love going to Disney World every week with Lexie and Edith and going shopping at the shopping plaza near your house. It was really a dream. But you hoped you haven’t ruined it when you knock twice on Karen’s office door before you hear a muffled “Come in.” 

When you peek your head inside the office, you see Karen, posture perfect as always, with a huge stack of assorted colored letters and business papers, strange enough for a patisserie. “Hi (Y/N), you can just sit right there,” she motioned you to a chair in front of her desk. You nervously walked over and sat down, barely able to meet her face, palms sweating. (knees weak arms heavy mom's spaghetti)

“Did I do something wrong?” you asked nervously, hoping you hadn’t accidentally messed up a cannoli filling or anything else you’ve made recently.

“No no of course not,” she lightly laughed. “It’s just that you have been doing so well lately with the recent event you helped with and our reviews have been amazing since.” 

You were shocked, people had written about your service. “Really? Well, thank you, it’s always an honor to help and put my best effort into what I make!” 

“So, since you’ve been doing so well, I have decided to give you a promotion.” 

A what? “A promotion? Seriously?!” You felt very giddy, your hard work was paying off! “Thank you-”

“It’s really not a problem, (Y/N), you’re one of my best employees, and you’ve been working very hard. I only did what you deserve,” your boss smiled. “I’ll give you more details during the week.” She then proceeded to give you one of the dandelion envelopes with your name on it. 

“Thank you, ma’am!” you said, walking out and closing the door of her office. What the hell just happened. You had to text Lexie and Edith when you got home. You put your apron on and headed out to the front of the store when you bumped into Maya.

“Watch where you’re going, puta” she sneered. Maya is a two-faced snob, also quite a puta herself, and has been since middle school when she found out you had gotten 1st place at a baking competition in 8th grade. She’s constantly trying to one-up you, but you just try to avoid and ignore her even though some of her comments hurt. 

“Whatever, Maya. Has the boss talked to you recently?” you asked, hoping you wouldn’t be alone in getting a letter, but also hoping she hadn’t gotten one.

“Perhaps she has, something about a promotion for a new store in New York. She gave me a letter with all the info in it,” Maya said. “You got one, I’m assuming?” you noticed she was eyeing your clutched letter in your hands. 

“Um, yeah. I’m not sure it’s for New York though, she would’ve mentioned it-” 

“She gave it to the best employees, and you’re her favorite so it’s obviously for the new shop.” She suddenly walked away towards her group of friends that had been calling her and snickering at you. 

"Whatever. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t lucky enough to actually get a spot for the new shop in New York," you thought. You slowly opened the letter and quickly scanned through it. New York, event, Hamilton, promotion to pastry chef… what. Pastry Chef? You had been working on getting this position since you 20! 

You silently squealed for about 5 seconds before being called to work at the cash register. You stuffed the letter into your apron pocket and walked to the second register. An actual pastry chef… you couldn’t believe it. You felt your phone buzz and you excused yourself quickly and walked to the back of the store again. It was Lexie. 

You picked up slightly squealing as you said “Hello?” 

“You’re in a good mood,” Lexie laughed, “Got good news also?” 

“Yeah, I wanna hear yours first of course!” You laughed too.

“Well, so you know about the show I've been auditioning for a while?” 

“Yeah, of course, Hamilton?” You weren’t the biggest fan, but you couldn’t deny it was pretty genius. 

“Yeah, so I may have gotten a role in the ensemble and an understudy for 3 of my favorite sisters!” She squealed.

You released an undignified shriek that was probably heard in China. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Let’s also say that I was managed to get Edith a job as a costume assistant,” she cautiously said, “And, I would’ve gotten you a job but I know you like where you’re at and I’m sorry-”

“Well, let’s suppose that I got promoted to a new patisserie opening in New York and I was promoted to Pastry Chef,” you said, trying not to start laughing and crying.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Lexie literally screamed in your earbuds. 

“Do you think the universe is trying to tell me something or what?!” You started laughing as Lexie continued screeching and trying to catch her breath.

“MOST DEFINITELY, IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF YOU FOR YOU AND I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL EDITH!” Lexie squealed as your friend Liz opened the door and motioned for you to come inside, like right now.

“Um, Lexie, I gotta go but I’ll give you guys all the details at home okay? I love you!” You said starting to go inside.

“Okay, I love you too! Hope Maya isn’t such a brat today,” she said as you laughed and hanged up.

“Is everything alright, Liz?” You said as you started your way back to the counter.

“Yes, I just heard you screaming so I was just checking if everything was okay,” she smiled, relieved you were okay. “You got the letter too?”

“Yep!” you said, starting to go to the register once again. “I have to go on shift again before Karen literally fires me before I get my promotion, so I’ll catch you later, okay?”

“Alright, good luck with Maya on your shift also,” she said running away as Maya went up to the other register.

Your shift wasn’t too bad, just a lot of Maya flirting with cute guys when they came around trying to get pastries out of the cabinet with her purposefully in the way. When it was over, you checked with Liz again, promising to text her when you got home and got in your car. You processed your day for a moment starting to close your eyes with a slight smile. You hoped the universe wasn’t pranking you with this whole thing. Just go with the flow, don’t freak out too much, your mind seemed to relax you. You heard a buzz from your phone and checked your messages. Edith had texted you.

Lexie tells me that you have good news? It better be something good sis.

You smiled a bit and quickly texted back.

You bet it is. I’m about to drive home, I’ll see you soon okay?

Alright. Can you buy us Chinese? I’m famished. The usual, love you lots babe.

Okay. I’ll see you soon Ed :heart:

Drive safe (Y/N) xo

When you arrived at your apartment, carefully balancing your bag of Chinese takeout with a few boxes from the mail as you walked up the stairs, you were greeted upon entry to your apartment a banner saying “Congratulations!” with Lexie and Edith jumping in your face, asking you 5 questions at once.

“Hold on hold on!” You laughed, struggling from their grasp on your arms.

“TELL ME WHAT THE GOOD NEWS IS OR ILL BEAT YOUR ASS,” Edith shouted, clearly anxious to know what the news was.

“Okay Edith, okay, can we sit down though? My arms are about to fall off,” you laughed, still struggling with the Chinese takeout and boxes.

“Okay, okay, let me get the plates and forks for you then,” Edith and Lexie then left for the kitchen as you set up the foldable trays in front of the couch. You sat in the middle opening your phone for any messages. There was one from Liz, inviting you for a celebration of your promotion on Saturday. You texted sure and you would call her in the evening to discuss details.

Lexie and Edith came back from the kitchen with plates and you proceeded to tell them about your day and about the promotion while watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Netflix in between bites of lo mein and fried chicken wings. They were supportive as always and booked flights for New York in a week and a half while calling some friends to see if you guys could crash while looking for apartments. Lexie then received a call from her boss and she put it on speaker. “Hey Lin!” she chirped. “Need anything?”

“Nah just checking how is everything, I’ve decided to pick you guys up from the airport when you come back. Also, I would like to talk to Edith and your other friend if that's okay? Just, you know, introduce myself.” Lin blabbered.

“Um hey,” you said, surprised by his rush of energy. “And I don’t mean to be rude or anything but what is your last name?”

“Oh, Lin Manuel Miranda! You must be Lexie’s other friend. May I get your name also?”

Holy shit. Lin Manuel FUCKING Miranda. Of course he made Hamilton! He’s an utter, amazing, and sort of incredibly hot, genius.

“Oh, um, (Y/N)! It’s such an honor talking to you on-”

“It’s really no problem, (Y/N), I get that a lot.” He sounded flustered. You felt your cheeks flush with color and Edith snickered at you.

“Hey Lin, it’s Edith, we’re planning to go to New York…” Edith, Lexie, and Lin started discussing theater-y things, and once you were finished with your food you hopped in the shower and got ready for bed. As you finally curled up in your bed, you couldn’t believe what a day you had. New York? You really hoped the universe wasn’t playing a cruel joke, and maybe, your friends weren’t wrong about your age...


	2. Ah, New York.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive in New York and meet Lin at the airport. He leaves you literally "Helpless" like Eliza Schuyler. But you act cool and it turns out rather shocking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took a while! I was planning to post this on Superbowl day then I realized what I was writing was meant for chapters 3 and 4, but this means that chapters 3 and 4 are almost finished, so they should be out in the next 3 days or so. Hope you enjoy this chapter, I certainly did (:

Today was the day you moved to New York. It was the first time you were moving anywhere, and it felt strange to leave something you’ve known and gone somewhere you can’t really fathom, but an announcer in the airport shook you out of your thoughts

“Terminal A12, Departing Florida in 10 minutes.” the lady on the intercom said.

You, Edith, and Lexie started running down the terminal to get to your flight check-in. Your Uber had been a half hour late and traffic hadn’t been in your favor. 

“Shit, (Y/N), this is a fucking workout!” Lexie complained, helping with your backpack as you tried tying your shoe and running at the same time. 

“Will we be able to get snacks?” Edith whimpered as you passed a store with a bunch of junk food. You were pretty tired, and snacks for the plane sounded nice.

“Okay, fine. Get me m&m’s, Pringles, and the largest Coke bottle you can find and get whatever you want,” you took your backpack from Lexie and took out your wallet. “I’ll meet you guys at the terminal and be there in 5.”

As soon as you passed Lexie your wallet, they stormed into the mini store grabbing a bunch of junk food, hoodies, and neck pillows. You sighed as you started speed-walking again. “Only God knows how I ended up with them as my roommates.” you thought. As you approached the lady at the check-in box, you struggled with your backpack to get out your tickets. 

“I’m so sorry, my friends are coming right now because they were getting snacks for the plane, is it okay if I checked in for them?” you panted, handing the lady your tickets. 

“Hon, they have to be here to-”

At that exact moment, you see Edith with two neck pillows around her and talking on the phone while Lexie carried two huge bags from the store running to you. It was quite a sight as they tripped over little kids’ suitcase carry-ons and weaved through check-in lines to get to you.

“Hi, how are ya? Sorry we took so long, miss.” Edith smiled as the lady scanned your tickets one by one. As you finally sank into your business class seat next to a window, you smiled at Lexie and Edith nomming on their just bought junk.

“I can’t believe your friend Lin bought us fucking business class seats, and I can’t believe this is real,” you sighed. It quickly turned into a laugh as Lexie had her Airhead Xtreme’s like a snake tongue and was slowly disappearing into her mouth.

“Lin loves to show his appreciation by spoiling his friends, which includes you, (Y/N),” Edith snorted. “Speaking of Lin, he called saying that he’d meet us where we pick up our bags, and he knows his way around any place in New York, so I put the Hamilton star on our suitcases so he can find our bags and know which one to get if we don’t get there when he does.”

“Well, it’s gonna take us forever to find it, so that was smart to do that,” you grudgingly admitted. Edith had insisted on packing for you and Lexie, and you couldn’t lie that she had it all covered.

Lexie started sorting through the bags of food and brought out three matching grey hoodies that had the Florida logo on it. It made you smile, but you felt a bit of melancholy looking at it, leaving a place you’ve lived in since you were born for something completely different.

“I know what you’re thinking, (Y/N), you’ve got your pondering/happy/sad look.” Lexie looked at you expectantly. Edith bobbed her head also with some of your Pringles in her mouth. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna miss home a lot. We’ve had lots of memories there,” you sighed. “On the contrary, we’re moving someone new and cooler, and even though the air might suck, the pizza won't!” Edith laughed, agreeing that the water was also good. Now that was something to look forward to. 

You put on your hoodie and neck pillow as the girls offered to take a selfie. As Lexie took the photo of the three of you in your matching hoodies, you realized what a milestone this is for you guys. You turned your screen on and watched some TV while munching on some junk food as you awaited New York.

\--  
“(Y/N), wake up!” Edith shook you from your nap. “You gotta see this.” She pointed to the airplane window.

“Wow,” you gasped as you saw what was down on land. There were buildings clumped all together, building way higher than in the city of Orlando, it was nothing compared to what you were marveling. “Orlando looks so small compared to all that.”

Lexie snapped a photo of you and Edith marveling the scenery out of your airplane window for Twitter. She captioned it, “Little sisters finally seeing New York for the first time. @hamilton here we go! @linmanuelmiranda ps come to the airport asap.” 

You grinned at how excited Edith and Lexie were to start something completely different. You were also starting a different position, so you were pretty excited. You felt a little dull compared to the jobs they landed, but they had kicked ass to get to where they were, and you were a proud mom in a way. 

You couldn’t help but think though that you were taking the safer route instead of following your heart, but you did enjoy baking, and you got free food, so it’s a win-win for you.

When you landed, you decided to follow people that looked like locals to lead you to the luggage pickup area. Edith received a message from Lin letting you know he was already there, but Lexie insisted on using the restroom. When you finally got there after cleaning up in the restroom, you saw a man with his hair in a man bun with hairs escaping it facing the suitcase pick up, a grey hoodie on with his arms crossed.

“Hey, Lin!” Lexie called out. When the man turned around, your mouth slightly gaped at the wonderful sight. The man was clearly Puerto Rican and had a fit body tucked in a Hamilton hoodie, and a goatee accompanying the most gorgeous smile you’ve ever seen. There was nothing like that smile.

“This must be the (Y/N) you guys always rave about!” Lin trotted over to you as you struggled to keep your shit together. He pulled you in a hug and you let out a small “oomph” before wrapping your arms around him also. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you in person, Lin,” you squeaked, your face swelling. Lexie smirked at you as he pulled away. You were almost disappointed, his embrace was so warm and comforting. As you looked up at his face again, you noticed his face was slightly pink. Had he been blushing too?

“Yeah, it’s a pleasure to meet you too, Lin,” Edith grumbled, though you knew she was teasing. 

“Give me a hug, you big dork!” Lexie laughed as Lin shared a hug with the two. You realized you were staring and as he turned around to meet your eyes, you look down. His eyes got small and his smile seemed to dim. “He must realize what a douchebag I am now,” you thought.

“I should, um, get your bags.” Lin hurried off to the carrier. You stopped him.

“It’s fine really, we can get-”

“Okay how about this? You and Lin can go to the car and text me your location and we’ll come to where your car is?” Edith suggested, a mysterious look creeping on her and Lexie’s face. “Besides, your suitcase is like a backpack, and I didn’t bring a carryon, so I can hold your suitcase just fine.”

“I guess I can allow it. I wanna talk to you guys for a second, though.” you clenched your teeth and grabbed Lexie and Edith and dragged them away from Lin. 

“That was quite a scene to watch,” Edith laughed as she saw you look back at Lin. “I suppose something is going on in that little heart of yours, hm?”

“Shut up,” you grumbled. “What the fuck is this? Are you trying to set me up?

“Yes, of course! You have literal hearts in your eyes when he looks at you, it’s kinda obvious!” Lexie laughed at the blush on your face slowly getting redder.

“Listen, he’s been my inspiration and so what if he’s the hottest, adorable, sexiest little cinnamon roll and a lot of other words I can’t think of right now. He’s quite older than me if you haven’t noticed, so I have no chance with him, so just leave me alone for a sec, okay?” you almost yelled the last part before storming away to meet Lin.

“Everything alright?” His brow was furrowed as he looked at you with concern.

“Yep, show me the way to your car!” you said in a fake cheery voice. 

You slid your arm in his before realizing what you’ve done before slipping it out again. He laughed and guided your arm to his once more, where he rested his hand on your arm. You knew it was a friendly gesture, but you couldn’t help but pretend it was something more for a minute. It had made you feel more at ease and comfortable with him already.

“You didn’t seem very happy when you talked with your friends,” Lin noted you looking down at your feet moving in unison to Lin’s. “You sure everything is okay?”

You sighed. You weren’t sure how to answer without giving it away, but you managed. “Well, sometimes my friends make assumptions about things without knowing the whole truth. But it’s nothing to concern you.” Well, that was a half lie, but it was true.

“Whatever you say, (Y/N),” Lin swung your conjoined arms and you giggled. “Even though we just met, you seem like a trustful gal.”

“And you seem like a trustful guy,” you smiled back at him. “And a genius, of course. You wrote the play that sounds like I’m back in high school U.S. History, but it’s very catchy. I probably would’ve gotten an A+ if you taught me in high school.” You babbled. Shit. Stop talking before you start also babbling about your obsession with him. Thankfully, he didn’t catch on and he laughed shyly.

“That was the intention, and I think you can write something just as catchy and be your own genius, even if you bake your way into it,” Lin said as he got his car keys and unlocked his car. 

“You can ride shotgun if you want,” Lin said as he opened the front door and slid in. You hesitated for a moment before thinking “Fuck it” and sitting next to him.

You got comfortable for a moment before saying, “You’ve officially made me a Broadway fan, Lin. Fuck!” you admitted as he started laughing hard. 

“Well, ‘What can I say except you’re welcome!’” he coyly smiled before you started a laughing fit. Once you got yourself under control you decided to text Lexie, even though you were still quite upset with her, your GPS location and you continued to talk to Lin as you waited. 

He was everything you thought he would be. There was a type of charismatic and magnetism to him that you couldn’t place, but it made you want more of him. He was also amazing at telling stories. Soon you were laughing hearing stories of his 10-year-old self escaping summer camp and stories about him moving to New York. You also told him stories of your arch nemesis co-worker Maya, and her flops throughout middle school and high school. Lin thought she was a total whore and that you were clearly cuter and better, which made you giggle and make your cheeks pink for the rest of the wait. You knew you wanted to spend your life getting to know Lin, even if not romantically, even if you hoped it would be romantically.

When Lexie and Edith finally arrived, you went outside along with Lin to help put the bags in his trunk. They noticed that both Lin’s cheeks and your own were bright pink immediately and snickered in your ear.

“You enjoyed it, didn’t you?” Edith whispered in a suspicious tone, knowing something had happened.

“Perhaps,” you hummed and you hopped back to the front seat along with Lin. He smiled lightly at you with a knowing look as Lexie and Edith hopped in the car. He leaned slightly until you could almost feel his nose on your ear.

“Teasing you again, huh?” he whispered. 

You smiled before leaning to him and saying softly. “I almost regret moving in with them, but you get used to it.”

He laughed lightheartedly and he leaned away, starting to sing his part in My Shot loudly, “IMMA GET A SCHOLARSHIP TO KINGS COLLEGE,” he randomly bursts out, but he barely needed to give you a look before you jumped into the next verse.

“I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BRAG BUT DAG I AMAZE AND ASTONISH,” you sang along. Edith and Lexie looked back between the two of your before shrugging and singing along. It was quite the way to travel to your apartment Lexie had come to decorate before you and Edith came to New York. When he parked in the parking garage, you grabbed your stuff and started heading after Edith and Lexie before he stopped you with his arm.

“That was really fun,” he shoved his hands in his pockets, obviously nervous. “I didn’t expect you to be quite the way you were. In a good way, of course.”

“I’m gonna ignore the part where your nervous when you really don’t have to be but thank you, I enjoyed myself as well,” You laughed easily and you noticed how it had become easy since being around him today. “I’ll see you around I bet?” 

He laughed at your reaction and leaned down. “Most certainly, see ya (Y/N)!” he kissed your hand, Alexander Hamilton style, before running back to his car.

You replayed that moment in your head a moment before smiling and rushing off to catch up to Edith and Lexie. This was definitely going somewhere.

As you finally got in the apartment and got settled, you flopped on the couch while Lexie set up a movie and Edith got popcorn. She chose to watch Incredibles 2, considering the massive kid she can be, and you curled up with her and Edith, with the thought of Lin in your mind. Let’s see what the universe has in store next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave constructive comments if you want! Chapter 3 and 4 coming soon (:  
> p.s. should I post them on the same day? I'm not sure.  
> Thank you for all the support already!


	3. A First for Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your first day at your new job/promotion. Lin and you start becoming closer as friends. Meeting some of the Hamilton cast. A surprise in a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this done earlier, but it was not quite how I wanted it, so I tweaked a few things. This was originally going to be 3/4. But, Chapter 4 is almost finished, just need to tweak a few things. Enjoy!

You woke up to your alarm. You panicked for a moment because your surrounding was completely different from what you were used to. Then you realized you were in your new apartment in New York, and you relaxed, almost going back to sleep. You suddenly heard Lexie storm into the room, banging pots along with Edith throwing confetti and blowing a party horn repeatedly. You jolted up up panic. 

“What the fuck!” you yelled, shuffling out of your bed. “I thought you were fucking murderers, you hoes.”

Edith pounced on you. “It’s your first day of work, silly!” she said with a blow of her party horn along with a clink from Lexie’s pan. Shit.

You had completely forgotten. You were surprised you had forgotten. You supposed you had gotten so used to sleeping in. It was a new shop, new co-workers, other than Liz and (gag) Maya, and a new position. You couldn’t really complain about the last part though. But what if your new boss thinks your a douchebag or a weird creep? You put that thought aside as you hit Lexie.

“Ok, but if you ever do that again don’t be surprised if I throw my lamp at you.” you threatened, but Lexie didn’t seem concerned as she strolled out of your room still clinking and throwing her feet all the way up to her head in happiness. Flexing on all of us that she did gymnastics for 15 years. Edith shrugged and blew her party horn once more before strolling along with her out of the room.

You sighed as you strode over to your (finally) organized closet, though you knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long. It helped you relax a bit though as you put on your work tee and tucked it in some well worn slightly ripped jeans. It was only going to be a tour and training day anyway, right? 

As you went to your bathroom, you checked your messages. There were two from Lin, which only from the notification made your heart flutter. You had started talking to him a lot since he first picked you and your friends from the airport, and you couldn’t say you were mad about it. It had been only 5 days and you already felt an attachment to him. You could even consider him a close friend. 

When you finally opened the message, you were greeted with a GIF with confetti with a handwritten note from Lin saying, “Happy First Day!” and the other message had a picture of him in a goofy grin with the words “ps, hope you get to put Maya in her place” 

You giggled at how adorable he was. He had hated Maya since you first mentioned her. You also enjoyed how he always made it his top priority to remember important milestones, even if it were as tiny as having your first New York slice of pizza two days ago. That slice of pizza definitely deserved the celebration though, even though it made your heart go crazy how Lin made you feel like the only girl in the world that he cared about (f you get the song reference, you’re a true one).

You took a picture of yourself in a funny filter with a serious expression with the words, “Duh, you know me so well already.” That will make him laugh for sure.

Once you sent it, you snickered quietly as you anticipated his reaction. His bubble popped up almost immediately after you sent thanks after your photo. 

“Ha, of course, I do! You should probably be focused on getting ready, so I’ll leave you alone for now.” he sent a sad-faced emoji after that photo.

“Yeah, I’ll tell you how it went right as I leave my shift” you typed a heart, but hastily deleted it. You thought about it for a moment before typing it again and sending it. It’s only a friendly gesture anyway. But what if he thinks you like him? Fuck. You wished you could just crawl in a hole and die as you saw Lin’s bubble.

Your worries washed away when he sent you a heart in turn. Phew, close one. You couldn’t believe though how close you and Lin had become in such a short time. As you put on makeup and put your hair in a tight ponytail, you prayed that your relationship with Lin wouldn’t be ruined, even if he rejected you in some way in the future.

With that settled, you walked out of the bathroom into the kitchen where the smell of cinnamon french toast wafted your mouth. You sighed happily. Your roommates can be a pain in the ass, a massive pain (Madison is Banquo... (-:), but they know how to make a good French Toast.

“Celebratory breakfast!” Edith cheered as she topped your french toast with whipped cream, strawberries, and a touch of chocolate syrup. You really were a sweet addict and you rushed over to the counter but Edith blocked you before you could take your plate.

“Spill,” Edith looked at you across the kitchen expectantly as she caught you staring at your phone. “Something happened, hm?”

“Something along the lines of Lin and you?” Lexie added as she flipped her omelet.

You groaned. You regretted telling them that Lin and you have been texting nonstop (heh) and there has been endless teasing. You knew you would have to tell them or they would get it out from you in other ways, or just won't give you your french toast.

“It’s fine, he just texted me wishing me well on my first day, that’s it,” you said, lunging for your french toast and sitting down at the table. “You were expecting something else?”

Edith sat down beside you with a bowl of oatmeal. “Perhaps,” she said, taking a bite of her oatmeal before continuing, “You just shouldn’t be so down on yourself, I mean if you like him then don’t be afraid to show it even if he doesn’t see you in that way, even though he never stops looking at you when you see him.” 

Lexie sorted at that. “Exactly, plus since he cares so much about you already, that should obviously mean something more, right?” She did have a point.

“I guess, but he’s over a decade over than me so he obviously is way smarter and sophisticated than my millennial self,” you said as you dove into your french toast. “Shit, you’re gonna kill me with the sugar rush I’m gonna get, Lex.”

“Don’t doubt yourself, (Y/N), and I was fully aware of that sugar rush,” Lexie started laughing at your thought before diving into her own food. “Who thought you could become obsessed with omelets?”

With the thought of how food good is, you quickly finished your breakfast after your conversation led to some other chit chat about their experience with the cast of Hamilton. You grabbed your backpack and apron and shot out the door. 

\--

As you got off your first subway ride, and Lin was shocked and mock disappointed at you for not going on the subway by then, you approached the door of the bakery before stopping to take a breath. Please let Maya fall down the stairs in the subway stations or catch a fever last night. You sighed as you opened the door.

As you walked in, there were only a few people you didn’t know working at the front counter. Your friend Liz suddenly rushed towards you out of nowhere and squeezed you in a tight hug.

“(Y/N)! Isn’t this exciting!” she squealed. “We’re finally in the bakery!”

“Yes, please release me before I pass out though,” you gasped as she released you. “Have you seen Maya anywhere?”

“No, but I did save you a locker next to mine!” Liz said as she took your hand and led you to the lockerrooms. They were certainly way better than the ones you had in Florida, but it felt weird being in the same place but a completely different experience. It made your head spin, so you put that thought aside right as you see Maya enter the room. She starts walking towards you, and you pray that something happens to her once again on the way to you, but she makes it without a scratch.

“You made it!” Maya said, her voice dripping with false enthusiasm. You almost snorted at how fake she was being, even though you knew it was on purpose.

“Yeah, I’m surprised you made it also, Maya!” you copied her tone with a smirk as she sneered and stormed away. Liz looked at you wide-eyed.

“I’ve never seen you stand up to her like that, (Y/N),” she said, almost in awe.

“Well, I’m tired of her bullshit and I think it’s time to show her who’s really the better one in whatever she thinks we have because I’m over it,” you said in a surprisingly triumphant voice as you finished tying your apron. You heard a voice calling for the employees. “Well, I think it’s time for our tour!”

\--

The experience, other than Maya’s constant smalls comments, was pretty incredible. The boss seemed to like you seeing as he let you talk about your experiences in the old store and the different techniques you had learned there.

Liz was amazing too, seeing she had been in culinary school two years longer than you had. You also suspected she had a crush on the boss. She would never lose eye contact with him, and neither would he. She would always turn red when he complimented her skills. You could tell that Maya liked him too when she tried to impress him. Several times. 

Aside from that, you made some new friends and new enemies, what's new? You wished Liz and your new friends Ashley and Ben, who were obviously in love with each other, farewell and when you finally walked out of the store at 2, you immediately texted Lin with the words “Fuck.”

You saw his bubble almost immediately and it was a picture of Lexie and Edith with a girl with long black hair and a gorgeous smile with Lin’s head in the corner. You knew it was Edith and Lexie when they texted “We just stole his phone heh”

You snorted and said “Why? Lmao”

“He was opening a text from you and he wouldn’t show it so we snatched it.”

“Oh, cool. Is he busy right now? Also, you should probably give his phone back.”

“NO WAIT dbinasmc ,;’z”

“What?”

“Hey, it’s Lin. I had to tackle them to get my phone back.”

“Oh that’s cool you should probably get back to work before they raid your shit lol”

“You’re right txt u tonight *heart*”

“Okay Lin *heart*”

You sighed. The two of you were acting like a couple already. You weren’t upset though, but it was a little weird. The thought of him just doing it as a friendly gesture hurt your heart, even though you knew he wouldn’t do it on purpose. You put the thought aside as you focused on getting home when Lexie texted you again.

“Can you come over to meet the cast (Y/N)?”

“I’m really tired Lex, I’ll come another day I promise.”

“Aw, alright. I’ll order food when me and Ed come out of the theater before the show. Love you.”

“Love you too Lex.”

When you got home you immediately took your jacket off and collapsed on your bed. You didn’t realize how tired you actually were before passing out in exhaustion. You sat up groggily and checked the time after you woke up. You heard the apartment door opening and girls talking in hushed tones. You heard Edith and Lexie and three other voices you didn’t recognize.

“(Y/N)? Are you here?” You heard Edith say as you heard her footsteps head into your room. She peaked her head in. “We have guests if you wanna say hi?”

Your stomach growled. “Is there food involved?”

Edith laughed. “Yeah duh. We brought Panera Bread.”

You smiled. Soup and baguettes sounded really good right now. “Alright, let me change and get cleaned up. Be there in a sec.”

“Okay, by the way, we brought a few of our friends from the cast if that’s okay.”

You sighed. You would look like a douchebag next to those talented people. “I don’t know, I’m gonna look like a total flop compared to amazingly talented gorgeous singers.”

Edith frowned and sat next to you. “Just because they can sing well and are successful doesn’t mean you aren’t either. I told them about your thing and they were really supportive of you, even though they haven’t met you yet. Just give it a chance, okay?”

“Alright, Ed. I’ll be there in a moment.”

As Edith walked out of the room, you changed into a fuzzy tan sweater and some leggings. Comfortable is always the right way to go, right? You brushed your hair and cleaned your face before going out of your room. You heard the sound of the TV and laughter from the living room. 

As soon as they saw you, you were approached by the pretty dark haired girl you had seen in the photo earlier, along with a girl with curly hair and a face you immediately recognized as your favorite character in Hamilton, even though you didn’t really know much of the show.

“Angelica Schuyler!” you gasped as the three ladies laughed and Angelica hugged you and introduce herself as Renee as the lady with dark hair rushed towards you.

“I’m Phillipa, but you can call me Pippa!” Pippa hugged you tightly. “Your friends have told me so much about you, (Y/N), and I was so excited to meet you!”

“Have they!” You squeaked and gave Edith and Lexie a look across the room as she released you, smiling.

“I also heard your chocolate croissants are quite exquisite.” the curly-haired girl, or Jasmine as she later introduces you, said as she gave you a hug. “I might have to get in on those.”

You laughed before agreeing. “I think I can have that arranged sometime soon.”

As you sat down and starting eating with them, you realized you had the same experience with Lin as you were with the “Schuyler sisters.” They were extremely nice and very interested in your career, which you had been scared to talk about but they made you relax and have fun. You knew you were going to be seeing them often in your apartment.

Time ticked by and by two twister games and 3 glasses of champagne, they started leaving one by one exchanging phone numbers with you and promising to FaceTime soon. You felt bubbly after meeting them, and while cleaning up the living room, you told Lexie and Edith how you felt and other chits chat about your day at the bakery. They laughed at all the appropriate times, including when you put Maya in her place. They also told you stories of Lin messing up a line in rehearsals or tripping on the turntable which made you laugh hard.

You took a quick shower and put on some pajamas (aka joggers and an oversized hoodie) and checked your phone for messages. As promised, there were some from LIn asking you about your day. You quickly informed him about it, including putting Maya in her place, which he was happy about. You talked about other things and did some online polls (Honestly though, how could he not tell that you had a crush on him?) before calling it a night.

\--

Clothes on the floor

Thrown on the bed

Kisses going down your stomach

You gasped. When you checked your alarm clock, it was only 3 am. “It was only a dream,” you told yourself. You knew who the person was, and you remember that memory by heart. Why now? Why be reminded of your ex now, when you’re finally moving on from him.

It was a one nighter 5 years ago, also your first time. Well, the one-nighter that turned into a relationship. But it wasn’t like you would ever see your ex again. You barely remember his face (a complete lie, you know every curve of his body). You were drunk, ignorant, and really horny. 

He was your first, and last, relationship. Well, you hope he is your last. But what is the universe trying to tell you? Will he be your last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave constructive criticism if wanted and kudos if you're enjoying it almost as much as I am (:


	4. Letting go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra chapter for today! I had already finished editing and decided to put in the last touches for it. Hope the cliffhanger for chapter three wasn't so bad, but enjoy!

“Isn’t New York magical!” Lexie squealed, as you were walking down Times Square at night. You had just gone to the Hershey’s Chocolate World and had left with huge bags of chocolates and merch. You had felt a little weird after the dream about your ex a few days ago, and the feeling hasn’t gone away.

“Yeah,” you sighed, knowing you haven’t told them about your dream, but you just haven’t had enough courage to. “I just feel a bit weird like something is going to happen, but I don’t have any idea if it’s going to be now, during this week, or never.”

“Don’t worry about that right now, (Y/N),” Edith playfully bumped your shoulder. “We’re in fucking New York City, starting to pursue our wildest dreams. Whether something is gonna happen or not, it may be good!”

Maybe she was right. You decided to put more thought in it later. Plus, you wanted to soak in your first shopping trip in New York City, even though you were gonna live here from now on.

Your phone rang suddenly. You checked who it was to see that it was Liz. You smiled a bit as you answered the phone.

“Hey Liz, how’s New York for you?” 

“Wonderful. Do you mind if I ask you something though?”

You were a bit worried. She never asked you something, or in that tone, she sounded worried.

“Um, yeah sure, why?” you asked. “Do you need help at the bakery? I can come right now.”

“Yeah, well kind of.” she stammered. “I’m not sure, you should come here, it’s kinda weird.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a sec, see you, Liz.”

As you hung up, your friends looked at you expectantly. 

“Maybe this is the thing you were talking about?” Lexie said.

“Hopefully not, let’s see what's going on though, the bakery isn’t far from here.” You said as you stopped to make a right instead of straight.

\--

“Do you want us to come with you? Edith said, stopping you as you approached the door of the bakery, unsure of whether you wanted them to come with you

“No, don’t worry about it though. It will be fine, I’m sure.” you smiled as you opened the door right into your ex.

“Oh, hey (Y/N),” he said nonchalantly, as he didn't date you for two years and like he didn't make you drunk and feel vulnerable like a baby kitten and like he didn't make you feel like you didn't belong or life wasn't worth living.

“What are you doing here, Brandon?” you gasped, unsure if you were shocked or angry at him for having the nerve to show up.

“Oh hey, (Y/N)!” Maya shows up behind him. “Have you met Brandon? We started seeing each other and he came to pick me up today.” her voice, as always, dripped with that hypocritical snob voice she has, but she sounded triumphant like she was getting you back for impressing your boss. That little whore. She knew you had dated Brandon for a year and a half, and she has the nerve? You tried to conceal your tears.

“How wonderful for you,” you clenched your teeth. “I should be going, I was just checking the bakery.” you speed-walked out of the bakery, grabbing Lexie and Edith’s arms as you walked away.

“Ow, (Y/N), your grip are like claws, what’s going on?” Edith asked.

You realized you were gripping them really hard and let them go. You started to have a panic attack.

“Brandon was in there, and Maya said they were seeing each other, and she knew I had dated him and I thought I’d never see him again-”

“That little backstabbing-” Lexie said as she stormed back to the bakery.

“Lexie! Don’t make it worse than it already is. I knew something like this would happen to me, and it’s no surprise that Maya would do something that cruel.”

“Hold on, how would you have known? Maya is a total bitch for doing that, but let’s go home and we can talk about it later, okay?” Edith said while taking your bags.

The ride on the subway home was a blur. You hastily took a shower when you got home, decided to skip dinner because you didn't feel anything at all, with complaints from Edith and Lexie, and hopped into your mattress, checking your phone again. There was a message from Liz.

“(Y/N), I saw you with Brandon and Maya and it looked like you weren’t okay. I didn’t completely know until Maya told me the full details later. I’m really sorry for not saying anything, I was scared, and I hope you’re okay. I’ll come to your apartment and check on you tomorrow. I love you.”

You sighed. Liz didn’t mean any harm from this, she wouldn’t have known.

It’s okay Liz, I was just a bit overwhelmed. Don’t worry about going to see me, I’ll see you tomorrow.

You shut off your phone, putting it on your nightstand to charge. As you curled up, you wondered if you were really okay. You cried yourself to sleep.

\--

You woke up feverish. You checked your alarm clock to see that it was 4 am. You stumbled into the kitchen to take some aspirin. As you sat on the counter looking at your view of New York, you wondered where life was taking you. Seriously though, Brandon, of all people? The universe had some tricks up its sleeves. 

You sighed a bit. It’s probably not going to be that bad anyway. You’re gonna have to roll with it. Even though it hurts to even breathe.

You heard Lexie’s phone ring and a soft mumble come from her room. You didn’t want to eavesdrop, but you were wide awake. 

You may have an app where you can listen to phone calls your best friends may have. You’re not a stalker! It’s just to check on your friends, just in case. You tapped into her call.

“Yeah, everything is great in New York, Lin,” Lexie whispered. “(Y/N) had a weird night last night and I’m a bit worried for her.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I’ll send her a text wishing her well,” you heard Lin, who sounded quite wide awake himself. “About (Y/N) though, she still hasn’t met the rest of the cast.”

Lexie laughed a bit. 

“Yeah, I’ve asked her if she wants to actually go to the theater to meet them, but she says she’s been ‘busy,’ but honestly? I think she’s intimidated by how amazingly talented everyone in the cast are. You’re kind of her idol in a way.”

Lin snorted. “Idol? Yeah whatever, Lex. We can figure out the deets later. I’ll see you at the theater, Lex.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of 4 am and I need sleep. Good night, Lin.”

“Good night.”

As she hung up, your body decided to give you a bit of a surprise as you ran to the bathroom and retched. You heard Lexie calling your name but you felt as if your head were underwater and your body was swaying.

“(Y/N)! Are you okay?” Lexie’s voice came to you.

You stared at her for a moment before sobbing and retching again. She started patting your back and whispering to you.

“Hey, it’s okay… if you don’t want to talk about last night it’s okay, but I won't know what's completely going on with you and in your head if you don't tell me.”

And you told her. You told her how you really felt like Brandon, how you could never quite move on, but he was in a toxic state and you were too. Your guilt that it was your fault things turned out this way. You told her about your dream and how it was a sort of warning about it and how you couldn’t stop it. As you finished, she wrapped you in a hug.

“(Y/N), moving on is one of the hardest things you can do. But honestly, there’s a fuck ton of other hot men waiting for you to take a chance on them,” Lexie smirked. “You were with Brandon for a while, I know, but it’s most definitely not your fault, and if he can move so damn fast and forget about you, I’m sure you can too girl.” 

“Did you just quote an ABBA song in a man’s perspective?” you laughed, but you were glad to have Lexie with you right now.

“Perhaps, but you should get some rest. You’re coming with me and Edith to work tomorrow.”

“Fine, I guess I have put it off for the past week,” you admitted. 

Lexie laughed. “Okay, goodnight sweetie.”

“Love you, Lex.”

You tossed and turned in your bed, but you couldn’t go back to sleep. You went back to the kitchen and sat down checking your messages. There was one from Liz wishing you well last night, so you quickly texted her a heart. There was also one from Lin a few minutes ago. Shit.

You were scared to read it. You were listening to their conversation, but it could’ve been anything. You closed your eyes as you opened your messages again, but took a peak with one eye.

“Hey (Y/N). Lexie told me you weren’t feeling well last night and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay and I hope you’re feeling better. Also, we haven’t really seen each other in a while so I wanted to invite you for some coffee. If you’re feeling better of course and not at this time though, in the morning of course.”

You smiled a bit. Lin Manuel Miranda asking you on a coffee date? Not really a date, but a meetup. At 4 am. Why not? Your chest suddenly didn’t ache as much as you quickly typed a reply.

“Sure! I’m wide awake so I can go now if you’re up for it?”

He quickly replied: Sure thing! I know a coffee place not too far from your apartment if you want me to send the directions?

“Yes please, thank you so much! See you soon.”

When he sends you the directions, you rush in your room to get something presentable to wear. Something casual, but cute. You decided on a pink off-the-shoulder top with a blazer jacket to keep it sort of PG and some mom jeans. You hastily applied some makeup so you didn’t look as bad, grabbed your backpack with your laptop and slipped on some white canvas shoes and went out the door.

The coffee shop was only a 7-minute walk from your apartment, and once you opened the door you sat at a table for two and waited. When you sat down, your head started spinning. “You’re still sick you know, and Brandon is going to be in your life now. Karma sis.” your body seemed to tell you. Shit. You silently wondered what murder you had committed in your past life.

You saw someone in a grey hoodie come in and look around. When he saw your face, he smiled widely and trotted over. His face was dark and hooded so you couldn’t see his features.

“(Y/N), stop looking at me like I’m a sex offender.” He put his arm on the other chair. He pulled down his hoodie revealing a Puerto Rican man you have grown to love as one of your closest friends and your obsessive high school self’s crush. He looked way too good, even if his hair was disheveled and his joggers hadn’t been ironed in months.

You gaped for a second before responding “Sorry Lin, you looked a little sketchy with your hoodie up.” you laughed nervously as you realized this is the first time you had been alone with Lin since the airport. Shit, calm down (Y/N). You started blushing and covered your face with your hands.

“I guess so, especially towards a cute girl a decade younger than me,” he laughed a bit, smiling with that gorgeous smile as your cheeks became redder and you got more nervous. “Do you want me to get you something?”

“Oh, I can get my own it’s-” your body decided to make a comeback at full force. You started coughing and shivering. Lin rushed over to your side.

“Are you okay? You don’t have to do this now, we can do it another time, (Y/N),” He stabilized you and gave you his hoodie.“I have some medicine at my apartment, you can come with me.”

You steadied your breathing. “It’s fine really, I can do this. I’ll get my coffee.”

“Okay, but if you start not feeling good, I’m taking you to my place.”

“I suppose I can allow that, my body is kinda shit.”

As you made your order, Lin insisted on paying for yours and you sat back down.

“So, Lexie told me you weren’t feeling well?”

Oh. You had forgotten that Lexie told him you weren’t feeling well last night. You felt an ache in your chest as you thought about what happened last night, even though you knew where this would be going, you tried to put the thoughts aside. “Lin, it’s complicated. I’m not sure I can talk about it, I was in a toxic state then and-”

“Hold on, (Y/N),” Lin raised his hands up. “What are you talking about?”

You sighed. Time to tell him.

You told him everything about Brandon. When you first met him, the first time you hooked with him, and you swore his eyes dimmed for the rest of the time you were talking about him, and what a bad state of consciousness you were in and you two were toxic for each other and you weren’t mentally stable to continue. Tears had fallen when you finished talking about him, and Lin had his hand resting on yours and squeezing it when you choked on your words.

“I’m so sorry I had to drag you in this, Lin,” you choked back a sob. “I just-”

“Listen (Y/N)!” Lin almost shouted. “Brandon is a dick for treating you the way he did and diminishing you. You should’ve never felt like you weren’t worth living for and complying to him was the only answer for you and alcohol was the only answer. You’re beautiful and you should’ve never been put in that situation because you have great, supportive friends, family, and people that care about you and want you to continue being the amazing girl that you are.”

He looked at you with such tender affection you couldn’t help but cry. He took his seat next to yours and wrapped you in a hug. You weren’t even flustered enough to stop him. After what seemed like minutes he pulled away and wiped the tears on your cheeks. 

“Thank you, Lin,” you said, looking into his eyes. “I didn’t realize I needed that until I just spoke about everything.”

“I’ll always be here for you (Y/N).” he smiled and you just sat there staring into his gorgeous eyes and his disheveled hair trying to stay in its attractive man bun and how his eyebrows furrow in a cute way when he’s smiling… (oh, getting out of hand) before he cleared his throat. “Want another coffee?”

You looked at your empty cup. “Actually, yes. And I wanna hear about you now. But not depressing stuff, your career.” you clarified as he laughed and returned to the cashier.

When he came back, he talked about his career and his musicals and his embarrassing moments when he was growing up. You told him some of your own and you shared plenty of laughs. Even though your talk with him about Brandon felt forgotten, you could feel the bond you had created with him. It cheered you up a bit.

Three hours and a third cup of coffee passed by quickly and when he checked the time, he offered to take you to his apartment since you were still feeling sick. When you arrived, you were greeted to a simplistic apartment that had an open kitchen and dining room leading into the living room.

“You have quite the apartment,” you said, taking in the smell of nutmeg from his living room. It made you relax a bit.

“Thanks, I don’t really spend much time here, I spend most of my time outdoors at the theater and whatnot, but it is nice.” He smiled at you. “You can sit here, I’ll get you some tea and the medications if you want.”

“Sure, thank you so much for helping, I’m quite a mess today,” you joked, looking down at the floor, but he frowned a bit and moved your face to meet his.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault, don’t be so bad on yourself about Brandon and all the other issues you were telling me. Please.” he pleaded with you as he looked into your eyes, though it seems he was searching for something more.

You blushed a bit. “Thank you, Lin, and I won't be so hard on myself, I promise,” you said with a small smile. He made you believe that you were worth more than you ever thought you could be, and it made you feel great.

He grinned in favor of your blush. “I’ll get the stuff for you then.”

As you sat down on his couch, you were sure to text Lexie and Edith to let them know you were with Lin. When you sent them a text, you saw Edith's message bubble almost immediately.

“YOU GUYS WENT ON A DATE? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME BITCH”

You laughed out loud. You heard Lin in the kitchen peek through the doorway at you.

“Everything alright?” he smiled.

“Yeah, I was just making sure Edith and Lexie knew where I was and they took it very seriously.” You smiled. “It’s all good.”

“Alright, just checking,” Lin laughed and disappeared back in the kitchen.

You texted Edith quickly smiling as you sent it.

“I didn’t think it was that serious granny, he just invited me because he was wishing me well. I mean, I don’t mind if he considers it a date tho (;”

Lexie quickly typed a response.

“I told you there were better men (Y/N) ((;”

“Yeah whatever, Lex. I gotta go, I’m at his apartment.”

You shut off your phone before you got bombarded with texts asking why you were at his apartment or a bunch of heart eyed emojis. Lin came back from the kitchen with a tray of tea and a weird green looking liquid in a medicine cup. 

“Sorry if it looks kinda disgusting, my grandma made it for me just in case I get sick. It’s kind of magic. It works with almost any sickness I get.” He looked nervous about it, but you smiled.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m more than willing to get whatever fuck-ton of sick out of me.” Lin laughed hard at that.

“I can relate,” he smiled at you. Was he getting closer to you? He seemed to hesitate though, and he leaned back. “Well, do you need anything else. I have to go soon but you can nap here if you want. It’s just for groceries.”

You were surprised at how certain you were when you said “Yes.” You had only spent time with him twice, but you feel like you’ve known him forever. "But only if it's okay with you."

“Of course it is. You know it is. I’ll be back soon, just relax (Y/N), okay?” He seemed to gain confidence in himself and leaned in closer and kissed your forehead and quickly went out the door.

What have you gotten yourself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave constructive criticism if needed! Hope you enjoy.


	5. in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness, this chapter was a hard one to write, even though it ends on a good note. Anxiety is very hard to describe, but I hope it makes sense to you guys. I hope you enjoy it though, I definitely enjoyed writing every word of it. This chapter includes a song from my favorite artist Ariana Grande, who just released an album in the title of "thank u, next" and the song "in my head" was a really emotional one for me, and as soon as I heard it I knew I was going to use it in this story. I find that it fits almost perfectly. I also think the song "ghostin" is one that really ties in well, so I am planning to include that in the vast future. Hope you enjoy!

Here you were in Lin’s apartment. Alone. He trusted you that much, and you trusted in him enough to agree to it. Fuck. What were you actually thinking? “Relax, (Y/N),” your voice seemed to tell you. “You haven’t been in a guys apartment alone since Brandon, so it will be totally fine since you haven’t gotten over your ex one bit over two years!”

Saying you freaked out is an understatement. You had an anxiety attack. You started losing your breath and shaking. Struggling, you tried to quickly call Lin and once you dialed his number, he answered almost immediately. 

“(Y/N), everything okay?” you could tell he was still outside, but he sounded worried as you hiccuped and gasped in hopes of air.

You shuddered as you tried to make your words. “I-I need you to come b-back please,” you begged. You started to see Brandon everywhere. Every memory. Your first date, him cooking soup for you when you were sick and when he screamed at you for doing something wrong, threatening to break up with you if you didn’t go out to the bar with him.

“What’s going on? Are you not breathing well? I’m coming back right now, I’ll be there in a minute, (Y/N),” he continued talking nonsense and trying to encourage you as you shuddered and gasped but you could barely hear as you body entered a moment of depersonalization. You heard a faint noise of the door opening and Lin running back into the living room to find you on the floor, pushing yourself back and forth and hugging yourself. 

“(Y/N)! Earth to (Y/N)! Y/N)? What the fuck is going on? Are you okay?” he came over and tried to get stabilize you and get you on his couch, but you couldn’t stop shaking so he pulled your back close to his chest.

You could breathe better now but you could barely process what he was saying. You were breathing heavily and you started sobbing once you realized it your memories of Brandon weren’t real.

Newer memories surfaced. The last time you ever saw Brandon, as he finished dumping all your stuff to the curb and meeting eyes with the half-naked girl standing at the doorway he’d been fucking and closing the door without looking at you once. You turning around to see Brandon and Maya walking hand in hand out of the bakery after you. Lin squeezing your hand as you completed your story of you and Brandon.

Lin was at a loss for words as he wrapped his arms around your waist and situated you so you were sitting on his lap. When you finally came to your senses, you turned yourself around to face him, his arms wrapped around the small of your back.

“I’m so sorry Lin,” you choked on your words before he shushed you.

“(Y/N), it’s okay, but you really scared the shit out of me. I thought I did something wrong. Are you okay-” he started a word, but quickly silenced himself before completing it. It sounded like something with a b.

“I just want a hug, if that’s okay,” you admitted nervously, thinking he would just laugh it off, but he gently grabbed your chin and moved it towards his neck so your face was buried in the scent of coffee and the smell of Lin, taking deep breaths. He started patting your back as you started to relax once more, started to drift into sleep.

Lin must’ve noticed you were starting to fall asleep so he offered to take you to his bedroom so you could sleep. You suddenly felt wide awake. 

“Are you sure?” you said in a small voice, regretting it immediately because you sounded vulnerable and weak, unsure of yourself. You couldn’t bear to see the way Lin was looking at you, with sadness and confusion. But you never saw disappointment and anger like you would see in Brandon’s eyes whenever you didn’t obey him.

“It’s always okay with me, (Y/N). Don’t push down on yourself so much, you promised. Remember?” his eyes pleaded with yours once more, but you could tell there was more neediness in his eyes, and the way he was clutching you and looking at you. But he was also looking at you in a way that you could almost say it was greedy.

“Okay,” you said with more certainty. This seemed to satisfy him, so he let a small smile.

“I should probably text my friends though, they wanted me to come with them today to meet the cast if that’s okay.”

“That’s okay, (Y/N),” Lin said as you opened your phone sending a text to Lexie and Edith asking them to meet you at Lins apartment since you had your day off from work. They responded quickly, saying they would be there in 20 minutes. You nodded at Lin when you were finished.

In a flash, he scooped you up like a child and since he could tell you were dizzy, he waited for you to wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist before leading you to what you presumed to be his bedroom. He moved the sheets of his bed and gently slid you under it. He situated himself on top of the sheets next to you. 

For a few minutes, Lin seemed to be at a loss of words as he looked you weakly clutching the sheets. You couldn’t decipher what he was thinking. He was just staring at you, but it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable like when guys stare at you at whatever bar Lexie and Edith dragged you to. You finally mustered up the courage to say something as the silence was becoming unbearable.

“That was an anxiety attack,” you said in a low voice. “It happens when I think of bad memories or when I’m really stressed.”

Lin looked at you curiously. “Do you mean bad memories, like as in Brandon for example?”

“Yeah, usually when I reflect on my bad days with him I hallucinate and sorta see him everywhere. Sorry if that sound weird to you.”

Lin grabbed your hand and interlaced his fingers with yours, which totally didn’t make your heart do jumping jacks, but it felt more comfortable and natural and surprisingly didn’t make your face turn an odd color.

“I know that Brandon is a touchy subject, and I can’t even imagine why a guy would put a girl through that much stress and diminish her, but is there any way you can put into words how it felt for you?”

You thought about it for a moment. “Like a song?”

“Yeah, that would probably make me understand better,” he admitted. “Since I am a composer.”

“Well, there is this one song, actually a whole fucking album that I can relate to almost perfectly,” you went on your phone to your Spotify playlist and clicked on Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” (absolutely incredible album) and hovered over your favorite song of the album “in my head.”

“You want me to play it out loud?” you asked, and when Lin nodded his head as a yes, you pressed play and turned up the volume. 

“Here's the thing: you’re in love with a version of a person that you've created in your head, that you are trying to but cannot fix. Uh, the only person you can fix is yourself. I love you, this has gone on way too long. Enough is enough. I'm two blocks away, I’m coming over.”

As you listened to Doug Middlebrook’s intro, you realized that his line related to Lexie and Edith. They had been the ones to give you encouragement and when you were dumped, they offered their apartment for you and you three became closer than you had ever before. Sure, you were best friends while you were in college and started dating Brandon, but now you feel like you can’t live without them, you guys were inseparable.

“Painted a picture, I thought I knew you well  
I got a habit of seeing what isn't there  
Caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets  
When you broke my heart, I said you only wanted half of me.

My imagination's too creative  
They see demon, I see angel, angel (Angel), angel  
Without the halo, wingless angel

Falling, falling, but I never thought you'd leave me  
Falling, falling, needed something to believe in, oh  
I thought you were the one  
But it was all in my head  
It was all in my head (Skrrt, skrrt)

Yeah, look at you (You), boy, I invented you  
Your Gucci tennis shoes, runnin' from your issues  
Cardio good for the heart (For the heart)  
I figure we can work it out, hmm

Painted a picture; I thought I drew you well  
I had a vision of seeing what isn't there  
Caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets  
When you broke my heart, said you only wanted half of me

My imagination's too creative  
They see Cain and I see Abel (Abel), Abel (Abel), Abel  
I know you're able, willin’ and able

Falling, falling, but I thought that you would need me  
Falling, falling, needed something to believe in, oh  
I thought that you were the one  
But it was all in my head  
It was all in my head (Skrrt, skrrt)

Yeah, look at you (You), boy, I invented you  
Your Gucci tennis shoes, runnin’ from your issues  
Cardio good for the heart (For the heart)  
I figure we can work it out, hmm

Wanted you to grow, but, boy, you wasn't budding  
Everything you are made you everything you aren’t  
I saw your potential without seein' credentials  
Maybe that's the issue (Yeah, yeah)  
Said maybe that's the issue, ah  
Can’t hold that shit against you, ah  
Guess I did it to myself, yeah  
Thought you were somebody else, you.”

Lin was silent for a few moments, seeming to decipher what he heard. That song always had been close to your heart since you first heard it. You had always felt when you and Brandon started going through rough times he could fix it and you could imagine him being the boyfriend you used to know and tried to live in your imagination and hopes, but when he left you, you realized that you two just weren’t meant for each other. Yet, even though he put you in countless bad situations, you couldn’t hold him accountable because he was in a just as bad situation as you were.

“Complicated isn’t it,” you said, trying to figure out what he was thinking. He seemed deep in thought. He finally seemed to find words and squeezed your hand.

“Yeah, that just made me understand better. But, I think you shouldn’t believe that Brandon isn’t accountable for what he did for you just because you both were in a weird state of consciousness and toxic for each other. You know it was intentional, because why would he feel the same if he dumped you and moved on so quickly to go out with Maya?”

“Two years is plenty of time to move on, Lin, it’s just me,” you whispered. “He was my first relationship ever, and I was young and immature then. When he started using alcohol more often I thought I could save him but I didn’t try hard enough, which made us toxic for each other.”

Lin face contorted in anger. He moved his face so close to yours you could feel his nose barely touching yours and your foreheads were touching. You almost gasped as you could feel his breath on your lips as his eyes met yours with flaming intensity.

“(Y/N), it will never be your fault. Ever. Why don’t you understand?” you saw tears in the corners of his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. “God, if you only knew how much it hurts people when you talk about yourself like you’re worthless. You’ll never be. You tried your hardest, but he only wanted you for your appearances, not for yourself.”

He released your interlaced hands and brought his thumb up to trace the shape of lips. You were certain that you could see greediness in his eyes now. You were paralyzed, waiting for his next move as he moved his hand up to cradle your head.

“If you only knew how I felt,” he whispered, before closing the void between the two of you and pressing his mouth on yours in a longing kiss.

For a moment you were still paralyzed as his mouth worked on yours and his other arm situated on your waist. You could feel what he was feeling: neediness, greed, want. You realized he had felt the exact same way as you had when you first met. He had liked you all along. You pressed your lips harder on his and you found your hand tangled in his hair. 

Lin’s lips worked down to kissing your jaw, whispering, singing, you weren’t sure, words in Spanish, going down until he was kissing the hollow of your neck. You gasped as he started nipping down your collarbone until he reached the edge of your shirt. He tugged the bottom of your shirt lightly before looking at you for confirmation. You nodded and he gently lifted your shirt from your shoulders. He pressed a light kiss to your lips before taking his own shirt off, revealing a fit chest which made you catch your breath at the sight. You straddled his lap as he reached for the back of your strapless bra to pull up. You were suddenly glad you didn’t put on a regular bra today.

Once Lin threw your strapless bra to the growing pile of clothes on the floor, his lip immediately attached to your sensitive skin, sucking and nipping. You threw your head back, stifling a moan as he came up to kiss you again, nipping at the bottom of your lip.

“Now do you know how I feel?” Lin laughed as he pressed a kiss to your collarbone, which were covered with soon-to-be hickeys. You were thankful you had brought your blazer in your backpack for the coffee shop.

“Yes, and now you know how I felt when I first laid my sights on you at the airport,” you agreed, deciding it was your turn and started leaving your own marks on his neck. He gasped slightly before shushing you for a moment. You heard the sound of a doorbell ringing. Shit. 

“Fuck, I completely forgot that Lexie and Edith were meeting us to go to the theater today,” you said, getting off Lin’s bed to put your bra and your off the shoulder shirt again. He hopped off the bed to grab his shirt and grabbed your backpack. He handed it to you, and as you finished putting on your blazer (to cover your hickeys from your suspicious friends) and putting your backpack, he captured your lips in a kiss. You sighed as you wrapped your arms around him so you were laying against him.

He groaned as you pulled away when you heard another doorbell ring. You grabbed his hand and tried to interlace your fingers with him but he pulled away. You frowned at him as he started walking out of the room, but he put his fingers to your lips.

“Look, (Y/N), there’s a running bet that your friends started for how long it would take me to hook up with you and I’m definitely not losing to that bet.” he grabbed your hand and kissed your palm. “Plus, as long as I know you like me, once their deadline, which is,” he exaggerated a cough, “in three days, which I can’t believe they thought it would happen so soon.”

You were almost mad at your friends. They knew, and they had the nerve to make a bet with Lin? You would deal with them later. You pushed that thought aside to process what he told you about the current situation.

“Well, I sort of hate them right now, but it’s only 3 days, right?” you said as you started walking towards the door. “We just can’t show any signs of, you know, touching or boyfriend-girlfriend shit.”  
He nodded slightly as you opened the door to a slightly exasperated and Lexie and Edith. They definitely didn’t look their best. 

“Why did it take so long for you two to answer?” Lexie asked suspiciously, eyeing Lin’s neck. Fuck. He didn’t cover his hickeys. Thankfully, he pulled up his hoodie and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“We were just talking and we didn’t hear it until the second time you rang it,” you started, walking out the door and starting to walk down the hallway. “Come on, I think there’s a cast waiting to meet me.”

She sighed as she trotted along. She grabbed you by the ear and whispered, “Something more happened, but I’ll press you later.”

She went to walk by Lin’s side, asking him about rehearsals for the special performance for some celebrity. Lin quickly glanced at you knowingly as he answered Lexie. You sighed as you went to Edith’s side, who you now noticed was holding something in a paper bag.

“What’s that?” you tried to look inside the brown paper bag, but she waved you away. 

“It’s a surprise!” She said as she tried to close the bag, but it kept reopening. She sighed and put it in her shoulder. “By the way, why were you gone so soon with Lin?”

You remembered she was sleeping when you weren’t feeling good in the morning and your panick attack. It shocked you how quickly your panic attacks came and went, but you’d dealt with this before. You gave her a briefing, wasn’t feeling well (skipping the part where you eavesdropped on Lexie’s call with Lin), Lin invited you for coffee, you talked for a while but you weren’t well so he brought you to his apartment, had a panic attack involving Brandon, Lin comforting you. 

Edith had one of her arms draped on your shoulder and when you finished, she sighed. “Brandon is just something else,” she paused for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing. “I’m glad you were able to get over it and Lin comforted you. He’s a very good,” another pause, “friend to you, and I’m glad he’s in your life and in ours.”

You agreed right as you found yourself in the infamous Richard Rodgers Theatre. You sighed as you looked at the murals of all the Hamilton characters’ shadows on the doors and walls. 

“Ready?” Lin looked at you, as you took it all in. You were about to meet some of the world’s most influential people involved in telling a phenomenal story that you probably would’ve obsessed over in high school. You almost grabbed his hand in hopes of comfort, but you remembered Lexie and Edith were there, so you quickly moved your arm to cross them across your chest.

“I suppose I am,” you said as Lin opened the door for you. You remembered that you would be seeing a few faces you knew, and you relaxed, walking through the door.


	6. Stay the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally meet the cast and you figured, at the end of the day, you couldn't possibly wait for the dumb bet to pass by to be with Lin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this is later than normal! I have had a lot of schoolwork the past week or two and I had Monday off so I took the opportunity to spend time with family. Also, this is my first time writing actual smut, so let me know how I did! I hope it was worth the wait!

As Lin led you three through many corridors, stairwells and through groups of producers, you started getting more and more nervous. What if the cast didn’t like you or find you uninteresting? What if they didn’t care for you at all? You knew you were getting closer to the stage as you passed castmates’ rooms and could hear laughter. Your heartbeat increased, and you continued worrying about yourself. 

“It’ll be fine, (Y/N),” you felt Lexie grasp your hand while Edith grabbed your other. They always knew what you were feeling. “They already love you! I’ve told them about you and they like you a lot!”

“Yeah, and they’ll go nuts when me and Jazzy tell them about your world-famous croissants,” Edith added, which made you smile but didn’t completely wash your worries away. You thought of what Lin would say as he would correct your thinking. 

“The cast isn’t like that, (Y/N),” he’d say while situating his hands on your shoulders, as you would have stared at his gorgeous features on his face. “They appreciate every form of career, lifestyle, even if they don’t agree with it completely or it doesn’t compare to their own. They’ll support you for the better. Always.” 

You could imagine him leaning in, wrapping his arms around you, kissing you sweetly as he did at his apartment, pushing you in a closet carelessly (cough WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS cough) and leaving trails of kissing going down your chest, which left your body aching with want and need. He had only kissed you once, but you wanted more of him.

“Don’t think about that now (Y/N),” your mind scolded you. Now definitely was not the time to think about him, you were about to meet the cast of Hamilton and you couldn’t lose your shit in front of them, especially after what happened at Lin’s apartment. Just one gaze could trigger something inside of both of you, even though you had just figured out you liked each other today.

Nonetheless, you felt your face turn a slight pink as Lin looked at you knowingly, his eyes full of mischief and something else you couldn’t make out. Did he know, or was he thinking the exact same thing you were? You smiled a bit and looked down at your feet as you felt a blush rising in your cheeks. Lin led you through another pair of stairs as you slipped your hand out of Lexie’s and Edith’s, letting them know you were okay now as they smiled in support and confidence.

Although the thought before was making you a little high off of Lin in general, it boosted your confidence along with the support from your best friends a bit as Lin stopped in a room and grabbed a good old telephone that was connected to the speakers in the building. You could hear his voice boom out of the speakers, in his excited voice, telling all the cast members to meet on the stage in 5 minutes, “no costumes or hair brushes needed,” laughing as he hung up when someone popped their head it with a hairbrush and quickly ran out.

He turned around to look at the three of you. “Lexie, Edith, I forgot to say this, but can you tell Pippa to bring Alex and Tommy to the stage along with you? Also, we don’t need the thing in the bag yet. That’s for later.” he smiled coyly as Edith glanced knowingly at Lin, awhile Lexie was on her phone with a smile on her face. How did he know what was in that bag? What were they planning?

As they trotted away and snickering once they left the room and running down the hallway, Lin immediately slammed the door in the room closed and his mouth was on yours, pushing you against the wall. You sighed, relieved, as he pressed kisses on the parts of your neck that weren’t covered by your blazer and started nibbling softly at your earlobe, your neck, and your jaw to not make more hickeys than you already had.

He leaned toward the hollow of your neck and whispered onto your skin, his hot breath making you shudder. “It took all of my willpower to not lose it and slam you on the corridor walls to fuck you in front of your friends,” he took your face in his hands, moving your hair out of the way. “But that’s for later on.” he winked as pressed another kiss to your lips before peeling himself off the wall, mischief still glinting in his eyes with, now you could recognize, a touch of rebellious spirit in him. Your body ached, and you still wanted more.

So this is the game he was gonna play with you? You wanted him more than anything at that moment, but you decided you could play along. You strode toward him, laying yourself against him. He caught his breath as you leaned your head toward him, the void between your lips almost unbearable to both you and him. You almost smirked at his face he was making at you, like a sad puppy (that’s the wrong image, he looked like a fucking greedy dog, still cute tho), as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“If I allow it,” you whispered as you used one arm to slowly remove his hoodie from his head. He was standing completely still, his eyes still dark even after removing his hoodie. You stood on your toes and nibbed his earlobe slowly, as payback, starting to move your hips to cause friction between the two of you. You kissed him roughly before groaning softly into his skin as he moved his hips along with yours in unison, his breath becoming uneven as you bit harder into his now bright red skin and started kissing down his chest before stopped abruptly, making him whimper. You noticed a bulge start to form in his joggers.

“Fuck, you’re gonna kill me, (Y/N),” he caught his breath as your arm grasped down to his bulge, teasing him and he twitched slightly against you. Lin had wrapped one arm around your waist and one was playing with your hair. “Lexie and Edith will be suspicious that we’ve been gone this long though.”

You started playing with the strings of his joggers as you thought about it. “I suppose,” you started, but then you noticed whispers that you immediately identified as 5 girls coming from outside the door. “Shit,” you whispered. “You think they heard anything?”

Lin’s eyes had gone wide and you could see the panic in his eyes. “I’m not sure, let’s check.”

You released Lin and strode out the room, finding Lexie and Lin along with three other girls whom you immediately identified as Renee, Pippa, and Jasmine. The five seemed to be looking at a recording. They silenced themselves as they realized you were there as your face contorted to, you weren’t sure. But, you were angry at them for not knocking.

“We’ll talk about this later,” you clenched your teeth as you felt Lin come out of the room slowly, putting his hands in his pockets and putting his hoodie back on his head again, looking nervously at Lexie and Edith. Renee, Pippa, and Jasmine looked at each other before taking that as their queue to leave and started speed-walking out of the hallway.

“What do you mean?” Lexie asked, clearly perplexed. "We were just waiting outside for you guys."

Edith looked at you worriedly. “Is something wrong (Y/N)? Do you feel bad?”

You realized that they really didn’t hear. It relieved you as you tried to come up with something. “Oh, um, nothing. I’m sorry, I thought you were listening to me and Lin’s convo, it was something important.”

Edith shrugged and starting walking away while Lexie looked at you suspiciously before seeming to drop it and just shrugging. “Whatever, so are we going to the stage or not?”

Lexie grabbed your hand as the two of you laughed as you heard Lin trying to catch up to you and ran down the hallway until you reached to what you presumed to be the stage. You gasped at the set. It was stunning. It looked rustic yet classy and everything you couldn’t put into words. Lexie smirked as she walked you towards a pretty large group of people. 

“Pretty incredible, isn’t it?” a man with the fluffiest hair you’ve ever seen walked toward you and had his hand out. “I’m Daveed, by the way.” He grabbed your hand to plant a gentle kiss on it. You caught Lin narrowing his eyes behind Daveed's back, making you snort.

“Pleasure to meet you!” you squeaked. Lexie smirked as she placed her arm on your shoulder.

“This is my milk to my oreo, (Y/N). She’s sort of shy, but once you get to know her, she can be an adorable human and sometimes a bitch.”

You over-exaggerated a groan as she ruffled your hair. Daveed found this somewhat hilarious, as he called a guy with a lean physique over. You immediately recognized his as the man who had been in the Mickey Mouse’s 90th Birthday Celebration. You gasped.

“Oh my god, you were the one who sang ‘When you wish upon a star’! You sang so amazingly!” you squealed as he laughed lightly and introduced himself as Leslie. You could safely admit he was quite a gentleman and you weren’t surprised he played such a great character like Aaron Burr in a play this grand of a scale.

You had gone around the group of people hugging and laughing with the cast. There were so many people! As you had ended up in the middle of a circle talking about your job, they had convinced you to bring chocolate croissants, Jasmine’s second request already, to their show tomorrow night and to hang out after their show. Lin had offered to get tickets for you in the next week or so and the cast pretty much bullied you to say yes.

“Come on, (Y/N)! Please!” Jasmine pouted while Anthony had his arms wrapped around her.

“It’s really no biggie anyway-” Lin started before Daveed cut in front of him.

“Plus, it’s our treat for providing us with these infamous chocolate croissants!” he smiled, grabbing your hand and starting to shake it, which seemed to bother Lin and almost made you snort before he turned away embarrassed.

“I suppose I can allow it, but only this time,” you said as they all cheered, excitedly starting to show you all the features of the stage, including the “turntable” as they called it at the center of the stage.

“I think that will make me nauseous, Oak,” you said as he was calling Anthony. “I’m not a turntable professional.”

“Don’t worry about it, girl,” Anthony came over and patted your shoulder in encouragement. “Just go with the flow, okay?”

Holding Oak and Anthony’s hand, much to Daveed’s disappointment, as the turntables started moving you started squealing in excitement. It definitely didn’t make you nauseous like you thought it would have. They started shuffling as they asked for the turntable to backward. You yipped like a fucking groundhog before they turned you as you walked forward as the turntable moved backward so you were in place. You couldn't believe you were doing this.

Once the turntables stopped moving, the cast immediately cheered and Lin came over to you. You didn’t look directly at him since you could still see the glint in his eyes that you had seen just moments ago in that room where both of you had lost it. He smiled lightly at you as Pippa and Renee hugged you from behind whispering compliments of how good you were on stage, you could be an understudy, you didn’t puke like they had the first time on the turntable.

“I barely even did anything!” you laughed as Pippa walked over and hugged Lin also, who returned it immediately as they smiled at each other. You had to forge down a twinge of jealousy, even though you knew they were close since they played husband and wife almost every day in a play, but you couldn’t shake away how you would have to see them kissing sooner or later when you saw the show for yourself.

“Of course you did, you were better than I am when I’m performing!” Renee said as she brought out her phone and opened her camera. “Selfie, guys?”

Pippa grabbed Lin’s hand and came over to the camera. You wrapped your arms around Pippa and Renee, and you could feel Lin wrap an arm around you. You turned around for a moment to see him resting his face on your shoulder. He had the cutest grin you’ve ever seen. You smiled affectionately as you turned around as Renee and Pippa said “Cheese!”

When Renee looked through the photos to put one on Twitter, she decided on one where Chris, Anthony, and Jasmine had photobombed the photo and you and Lin were in mid-laugh. She captioned it (with approval from you), “Introducing the cutest little girl you’ve ever seen who will be providing us chocolate croissants for the price of hanging out with us tomorrow after the show! Love you baby girl @you @Lin @Jasmine @everyone else p.s. I’m the queen of twister.

\--

By the end of their show, while you stayed in Pippa’s room, you had exchanged numbers with pretty much everyone and had planned to visit them as often as you could, considering you had a job, receiving a cheer from Daveed, who had decided to call you oreo as his contact name (thanks to Lexie). As you were preparing to leave, backpack in hand, denying requests from Lexie and Edith to go to a bar with them and the cast (you were really tired anyway, and those chocolate croissants need a good night sleep), Lin stopped you in your tracks.

“Technically 2 more days, huh?” you joked as he exaggerated a groan and pulled you in a hug.

“Yup, but about ‘us,’” he started as you stared in his eyes. “Are we considered an item right now or until the bet deadline has passed and I can actually fuck you.”

You snorted at how serious his gaze was. “Hm, I suppose you would actually have to fuck me before deciding if you actually want to be with me.”

“I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that though,” he peered over his shoulder before pressing a light kiss to your lips. “But, I owe you a ride home.”

After a few minutes of insisting you were fine, you found yourself in a cab with a fairly normal man who to your surprise played Swedish rap music, quite loud if you will, and Lin massaging your thigh as you gave the man directions to your apartment complex. When you arrived, Lin insisted on walking you to your apartment door. The elevator ride was a weird game of who can catch the other’s gaze. As you turned the key in the lock hole and unlocked the door to your apartment, you felt Lin’s eyes on you as you opened the door and slowly walked inside. When you turned back to say goodbye, you realized you couldn’t wait 2 more days for him.

“Stay the night, Lin,” you whispered, momentarily forgetting your roommates, the bet, and every other coherent thought as you pulled Lin’s lips toward yours and were immediately attached to his, kissing him as if you needed him to breathe. Your hand had become entangled in his hair as he wrapped an arm around your waist and had his other caressing your cheeks as he kissed you thoroughly.

He had already taken off your shirt and bra as you slowly guided him to your bedroom, his hands perched on your waist. He immediately had started kneading your breast and had his mouth attached to your neck, biting and sucking. You gasped slightly and kissed his jaw gently as you lifted his shirt from his head. His lips were on yours once more, your tongues deeply intertwined as you pulled down your jeans. 

As he lowered you onto your bed, you could see how big his bulge was getting, it was pretty much being only held by his pants, making you swallow thickly. He smirked as he unbuckled his pants, climbing above you and started planting kissing down your bare body, reaching your tight red velvet underwear, pressing kisses on it before hooking his fingers and sliding your already soaked thong off your thighs gently. He reached your clit as he gently kissed it as looked up towards you, waiting for permission. You nodded vigorously, you’ve never wanted anything more in your life at that moment.

He wasted no time as his tongue lapped up your wetness, his strong hands holding your hips down, sucking your clit and your sensitive skin as you whimpered with pleasure. You couldn’t possibly quiet yourself as you felt Lin insert one and later two fingers inside of you, curling inside you and stretching you as he sucked at your core, realizing it was his nose putting pressure on your clit, his neat goatee brushing your skin. You groans increased, becoming more breathy, as he looked up for a moment, whispering “Come for me,” his voice bringing your moans to reach a guttural pitch, your vision becoming fuzzy and full of stars as waves of pleasure suddenly washed over your body as your hips bucked in ecstasy. It was divine.

As you recovered from your high and you could actually see, he had propped himself by his elbows, watching you recover from what you had just experienced. Your clit was ebbed with residual pleasure. He leaned forward to kiss your hip, making you giggle. 

“Come here,” you whispered as he crawled toward your and captured your lips in a longing kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue, making you shiver. You couldn’t even finish your goddamn sentence, nonetheless comprehend your thoughts, but you tried. “Lin-I’m, well I-”

“I know,” he grinned and kissed your shoulders and you knew that he’s experienced this before. You pushed that thought aside, what was important is what was before you. No need to reflect on the past.

You were still longing for more as you pulled at the hem of his boxer shorts, him smirking as you looked up at him. You could never forget the look he was giving you. It was full of lust and affection, making your heart skip a beat. You smiled softly as you took a lesson from him, waiting for a sign, as he gave you an affirmative almost immediately. 

You pulled his boxers down completely, revealing a rather lengthy and large member, making you suck your breath. He sat up suddenly and started ravaging in his joggers, making you cock your head in confusion before smiling as he revealed a condom he grabbed from his wallet, crawling over you as he finished and lined himself up to you. 

“You okay with this?” Lin said gently right by your ear as he leaned down and pressed light kisses on your thigh, your bare chest, and back to your lips, cradling your head as he did. He was always so caring to you and you knew he would never pressure you to do anything you didn’t want to do. But you knew what you wanted.

“Yes,” you said breathlessly as his fingers eased the tip of his seemingly throbbing cock into you about halfway, stretching your walls. You forgot how long it had been since you’ve had sex as you groaned involuntarily, as he grabbed one of your breasts and started kneading, teasing you. He pulled out, leaning forward to press his hands by your shoulders, hovering as he slowly re-entered, fully submerging his member inside of you. You had never felt this completely full as he moved slowly, as he gave you time to accommodate to his size, gazing at your contorted face of pleasure, eyes bugged out. 

“Fuck!” you groaned as he kissed your cheek gently, straightening his arms as you gestured him to continue, him smirking at your urgency.

He suddenly started pummeling you, as you cried out in pleasure. His chest had come flush with yours, as you wrapped your legs around his waist and rolled your hips to create rough friction between the two of you in time in his strokes.

“Mierda!” Lin released a string of profanities and groans as you felt his hip stiffen, pushing you deeper into your mattress as pleasure racked over your body for the second time in a mere 10 minutes. The two of you laid there, catching your breaths as you came from your quite intense orgasms. He tore himself from you as he moved a string of hair on your forehead, pressing a gentle kiss on that spot as you tried to come up with something sexy or smart to say as he caught your lips once more in a sloppy kiss.

“I’ve never experienced that with anyone,” you stated as his lips left yours, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull the both of you up to eye level. You noticed that your body was almost drenched in sweat. “Not like I’ve ever experienced very much in my lifetime, but you were quite divine.”

Lin grinned his signature smile at you, sweat also glistening on his forehead and his chest. “You were amazing also, (Y/N),” he took your breast in his mouth, sucking gently as you caught your breath. “You’re gorgeous when you’re undone like that, by the way,” before he leaned up, catching your lips in a hot kiss, making you lose your thoughts as you giggled at his antics.

You stifled a yawn. “We should probably rest, it’s way past my bedtime,” you said as Lin smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist and crashing on your mattress. You grabbed your comforter and laid it over the two of you.

“Yeah, that was quite intense, and I’ve been satisfied for the night,” he agreed, just casually dropping a pun, burying his face in your shoulder, pressing gentle kisses. “Goodnight, babe. Love you.”

You smiled lightly. It’s been decided without conversation, and you weren’t upset about it at all. You pulled up your comforter to your neck as you whispered, “Love you too, Lin.” before drifting into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	7. A World of Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hooking up with Lin probably wasn't your best idea. Enjoyable though, most definitely. Trying to sneak out with Lin from your shared apartment? Even worse. Hey, you got brunch with the Schuyler Sisters and shopping with Lin to look forward to. Officiating your relationship with him doesn't hurt either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord, I am so sorry this is later than usual again. My school has been shit and they decided to give me lots of homework and writing exams to look forward to. Yippee. Also, I might not be as consistent until I get all my stuff turned in before spring break, but I'll try to update as soon as I possibly can! I made it an extra long chapter because of all the work I had recently to keep you happy but I hope you like it as much as I do.

As you stirred from your sleep, you felt an arm draped over your bare waist and hot breath hitting your neck in soft cute snores. You stifled a scream before realizing what had happened last night. Did you really fuck the infamous Lin Manuel Miranda, your friends’ boss, your crush? You tried to shift out of your bed without noise to not wake him up, but as you stood up, you felt your mattress creak and Lin’s body flush against yours from your behind. You sighed as you stared out your window of a busy city you were still warming up to.

“Trying to figure out what happened last night?” he laughed lightly, his gravelly morning voice putting you on edge as you felt him bury his face in the crook of your neck. God, his morning voice was so sexy. Why did he have to be so fucking hot in everything he does? Ugh. 

“Sort of,” you whispered, moving his head gently to the side to face him. You pressed a light kiss to his lips before entering into deep thought. The whole situation felt like something off of a cheesy romance novel you used to read in high school. You meet this crazy hot boy and you become close and hook up with him before realizing he has some sort of fatal disease and leaves you alone as a widow for the rest of your life when he dies and he wants you to move on but you could never move on because he was your one true soulmate. Lin's too adorable to have wrong in his body.

“Quiet, (Y/N),” you scolded yourself. “No reflecting on the past or future, remember?”

As you tossed that though to the side, you realized you were still naked from last night. Lin must’ve realized this sooner as he was absentmindedly running his hand on your thigh and staring at your body in a sort of greediness/god-she-is-sexy way that you haven’t quite gotten over yet. But it had only been yesterday that you find out he shared your feelings and hooked up with him all in one day. You also took into account his disheveled bun failing to contain the mass of his hair that facing lopsided across his forehead.

You felt your cheeks turn tomato red as he pressed gentle kisses on your shoulder, his goatee brushing against your skin. Yep, you weren’t the only one quite not over last night either, but you had things to do today.

“We shouldn’t be doing this now, Lin.” you released a soft moan as he wrapped an arm his around your waist, biting and sucking on your shoulders.

“Why not?” he whined, taking the opportunity to move his hand that rested on your waist to your breast, kneading it slightly as he nibbled your earlobe. You sighed and threw your head back on his shoulders as you heard noises coming outside your bedroom. Then it hit you. You had roommates. You were in a room with their boss and if they caught one sight of the two of you, the bet would be over and the teasing would be endless.

Lin, on the other hand, would be forced to give them the money they had bet on the two of you, and if Lin wasn’t kidding with you, they had betted enough to buy them a month and a half supply of ice cream, which is about 20+ boxes or pints of Häagen-Dazs assorted ice cream flavors, ice cream bars, and sorbet.

“Fuck!” you stood up and paced your room as Lin looked over at you, a confused expression on your face as you gathered your clothes left over on the floor from the previous night. “We are trapped in my room until I can find a way to sneak you out of here.”

Lin’s expression was emotionless for a moment before his eyes widened when he understood what you meant. You heard a voice coming out of your bedroom, a girl’s voice and a… man? You put your fingers to Lin’s lips as you listened. You realized it was Edith on the phone with a guy. You knew you shouldn’t eavesdrop, but you were curious nonetheless.

“Um, yeah. Is Lexie awake? She kinda has to come back soon, we work at the same place.” Edith asked as you heard a groan coming from the unknown man, though his voice did sound vaguely familiar.

“No, I’ll wake her up soon. We had a good time last night though, I’m glad you introduced me.”  
Ah. You weren’t the only one that had fun last night. Lexie must’ve had way too much fun and cerveza to drink at the bar if she had hooked up with someone the night before.

“Yeah, no biggie. She had heart eyes on you the whole night.” Edith laughed, though was it your imagination that it was a little strained?

He laughed, though you could now sense the subtle tension, and you wondered what had happened before you heard Lexie groan in the background. 

“Okay, she’s awake now, I’ll let her get ready and I’ll take her. See you soon.” the guy said.

“Alright, see you soon, Ben.”  
2`  
Your eyes widened as the man hung up and before you could even scold yourself, you released an undignified shriek. If it was the Ben you were thinking of, you were very confused. He was one of Liz’s friends on your first day in your new job. You had thought he and Liz’s other friend Ashley were in love or something, but this would make things very complicated for Ashley, and very complicated for you to explain to Edith and Lexie. But that did explain why his voice was familiar. 

You heard Edith call your name and you dragged Lin’s arm and ran to your closet and closed the door right as she entered asking if you were okay. She observed your butt naked body as you tried to come up with something to say.

“Yeah, I’m okay! I just had a bad dream and I saw a spider in my room!” you exclaimed, dragging her across the room to a corner where your desk lies. 

“Why are you naked then?” Edith asked suspiciously, eyeing the room for movement from your imaginary spider. You quietly shimmied the clothes on the floor from last night under your bed. “And, I don’t see any spider anywhere.”

“I was about to take a shower!” you stated, starting to walk to the closet and standing in front of it. “And I think I saw the spider go out the room towards the living room!”

Edith’s eyes widened like saucers. “Um, what? Fuck you! Why did you let it get away?” she screamed and ran out of the room, looking for your imaginary spider. You sighed, relieved as you opened the closet door slightly to see Lin peering at your clothes. He picked up a blue varsity hoodie from your high school swimming team and looked at the back with all the girls' names that were on the team.

“Emily Francis, Alexa Luria-,” you smiled when you heard Lexie’s name. Swimming was where you two had become closer as friends. “Emma Kate Phillips, Sunny Downs, Emma Englett, Jasmine Walters, Olivia Williams, Ava Yelensky,” he continued to read through the list, smiling as you took his terrible disheveled hair out of his bun and straightened it out and when he read your name. Before you could stop him from saying anything about the last person on the list he suddenly yelled, “Maya Wooten! She was on the swimming team with you?”

You prayed to god that Edith didn’t hear that as you kicked Lin on his uncovered sh.in. He whispered ow’s as you listened for any movement in the apartment. When it was completely silent, you sighed as you snatched the varsity hoodie from Lin and put it on to cover yourself. Thank god that they had ran out of your mediums and gave you an extra large the day you went, and even after so many years and your final growth spurt, it still covered most of your upper legs as you grabbed a random pantie from one of your drawers. 

“Don’t speak another word please, at least until I can get you out of here. Also, please put on a shirt and some underwear before I actually shit myself,” you quipped. Lin smirked and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips before quietly running out of the room to grab his clothes from under your bed. 

You sighed softly as you shimmied the underwear on your thighs and grabbed some random shorts. You recognized it immediately realized it was the one Lexie had given you on your last birthday. And of course, they had your initials and were matching with the ones she had gotten herself and Edith. She always goes over the top for pretty much everything. 

Nonetheless, you were glad you had a little privacy as Lin entered the closet again, clad with his joggers and grey hoodie from the previous day. You noted that he could both take off and put on clothes in an inhumane way. You also realized you had pretty much spent the whole day with him the previous day, from telling him about Brandon and finding out he shared the same feelings you had been harboring and actually hooking up with him, not even thinking of the bet. You had to admit, you enjoyed every second of it, but it could’ve been a close one.

All these thoughts crossed your mind and disappeared at once as Lin wrapped his arms around you and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. He had his eyes closed for a moment as your foreheads touched, but quickly fixed his gaze to his lets-get-down-to-business (to defeat the Huns!) face once he opened them.

“So, um, how am I gonna get out of here,” he whispered. “Lexie’s gonna be here soon, and Edith is snooping around for that spider if she’s even realized you were kidding.”

You thought about it for a moment as you poked his firm chest. “I know Lexie, she’ll probably delay time to be with the guy as much as possible. And I know Edith, She’ll probably be back in bed snoozing away, besides, she never wakes up this early.”

Lin took this into account. He reached down and interlaced his fingers with yours. “Let’s be quick with it then, I honestly don’t want to lose $75 right now.”

You quietly opened the door and peaked out of the room. All clear. You guided him through your room and into the living room as you quickly checked Edith’s room with your ear to the door. Quiet. You sighed with relief as you grabbed your backpack from where you dropped it last night. Lin rubbed circles in your hand as you grabbed your phone from your pocket to check the time. 7:53 am. 

“Okay, all good?” you whispered as he raised a cheeky thumbs up with his other hand as his interlaced hand squeezed yours in affirmation. You heard a creak come from Lexie’s living room mini work area. Your shoulders clenched as your mind realized it had forgotten a teeny tiny detail: Edith snores when she sleeps. Very loud in fact. Lexie’s swivel chair turned towards you holding, loe and fucking behold, Edith’s form, a smug smile on her face as she watched your eyes widen and your hand immediately slipped from Lin’s. 

“Well, well, well,” she smirked. “Look what we have here. I guess you didn’t catch my hints.”

You and Lin glanced at each other, confused at her last words, but also deeply shocked and embarrassed. Once Edith realized neither of you were going to answer, she gestured her hand in a give-me gesture. 

“Money, please?” Edith pointed her gaze at Lin sweetly. You honestly didn’t know what she had planned, so you were just gonna wait for her to finish.

“Um, I don’t have $75 with me right now, Edith.” he stammered. Poor boy, he looked extremely nervous and was roughly playing with the hem of his joggers. His face was beet red in a blush. Honestly, your face probably looked the exact same.

“You have money then, (Y/N)?” Edith turned to you.

“What is this?” you clenched your teeth. Guess waiting wasn’t gonna work after all.“First of all, I wasn’t there when you made the bet, so it doesn’t count, and second, if you knew about this, why didn’t you tell us earlier? Would’ve made this way easier, and you would’ve had your Häagen-Dazs way sooner if you didn’t wait until now.”

She smiled a bit as she curled her lip for a moment, her sign of when she was trying to think and concentration at the same time. “It was sort obvious when we were picking you up for Lin’s house, you were glancing at each other sort of weird, and he covered his hickeys a bit too late and the ones on your necks and collarbones-” she pointed a glance at the two of your necks, specifically the hickeys covering his neck and collarbone, sharing the same glance with you, even though it was covered by your hoodie. She was a pretty good detective, you could admit.

“Anway, after you met the cast. I saw you guys talking and the kiss that followed, so I knew something was going on, but I wasn’t going to ask-”

You remembered how Lin had looked over his shoulder before kissing you, but he hadn’t checked the other side of the corridor, so that must’ve been where she had been.

“So, when we first went to pick you up after I saw the two of you leave together like I had assumed you would, I went to the bar with Lexie as we said, she found a guy, that I introduced her to actually, and told me she would be leaving with him. Once I got home, I guess you were pretty much almost finished as I had some rather pleasurable screaming-” pausing for a moment to give you a look.

You glanced at Lin for a moment and he looked truly horrified. You offered him a nervous smile as you realized you must’ve not heard the door open when you were with Lin. You also forgot to lock your door. Sweet Jesus. You reminded yourself to slap yourself once you were out of here. You conveniently forgot to do the most important things in this situation.

“And I waited a few moments to see if it was just another guy you found on the streets, but I found that unlikely, so I peeked through the door when you two were asleep and I saw you and Lin together. Then I figured, I could just play pretend as you tried to come up with the imaginary spider and naked thing this morning. I went to just wait in Lexie’s workspace while you tried to make a run for it and here we are.” 

You sighed deeply. How did you get into this? 

“Listen, Edith, I know you care for my well being or whatever, but why did you bet on this? Of all things, first of all.” you struggled to control your tone. You were very mad at her but also deeply disappointed. She knew better. “I just-I need, I need to go, okay? Don’t-just, please don’t ask me when I’ll be back.”

“Wait, (Y/N)-” Edith started, but you had already grabbed Lin and your backpack with your wallet and house keys, slipped into some shoes and stormed out the door. You had started running down the stair corridors, playing what had happened over and over.

Just forget this ever happened. Don’t reflect on the past, move on. Just keep-

“Hey, (Y/N). Relax, okay? (Y/N), it’s alright.” Lin stopped you and rested his hands on your shoulders and you breathed heavily from your frantic running. You felt a panic attack surging but you tried to delay it as you pulled Lin into a tight hug and you let the tears fall. Lin was shocked for a moment before he wrapped his arm around your waist, the other resting on your cheek, stroking the tears streaking your face gently. 

“Can I-uh, stay over with you?” you whispered, your voice hoarse from crying, anxious not to come face to face with Edith for a while and not swallow your pride at the same time. You just needed a little breathing room as you tried to comprehend what just happened and starting to question your friend choosing.

“Yeah, of course, baby,” he smiled gently as you pressed your lips to his in a warm kiss and tightened your grip on him. Everything about him was warm, gentle, relaxing, and you didn’t ever want to leave his embrace. You were eternally grateful to have him in your life at that moment. You bit your lip as he interlaced his fingers with yours and rested his other hand on your waist.

“God, I love you, Lin,” you blurted, scolding yourself for being so blunt about it, but his lips caught yours again in a sweet kiss as he mumbled an ‘I love you too, cariña’ as he pressed light kisses on your jaw. As he pulled away, you noted the light blush covering your cheeks as he threw a cheeky smirk in your direction.

“I’ll, uhm- get a taxi then,” you said, flustered, as you called a taxi service, walking hand in hand with him out of your apartment complex. You stood there for a few moments, Lin talking about the most random shit to make you crack a smile, although you were deep in thought. As your taxi arrived, your vision got blurry as you took a seat and you drifted into unconsciousness.

\--

You barely remembered going up to Lin’s apartment. You only remembered getting multiple calls and dings signifying text and Instagram messages, but you were just so tired of life’s shit that you turned off your ringer as he unlocked the door to his apartment. The strong smell of nutmeg and Lin was relieving, though.

“Uh, I have to get groceries because yesterday, you know,-” Ah yes. The anxiety attack. But, it had led to this. “But I’ll be back soon it’s only a few things, okay?” he waited for your affirmation.

“Yeah, of course. I should probably text Jasmine that I won’t be able to make the croissants today,” you sighed a bit. You were honestly disappointed you couldn’t make them, and Jasmine and the cast will be disappointed also. Lin frowned and took your hand.

“We can totally do them if you want, I’ll get the supplies,” he smiled slightly.

“No, it’s fine. You don’t have to do that, really,” you shushed him. “Plus, I should’ve known to pre-prepare the dough last night, but then we fucking hooked up, but kinda worth it.”

The two of you laughed hard at that, but he relented and pressed a kiss to your forehead before turning to open the door. Something in you didn’t want him to leave though.

“You mind if I come along with you?” you ran up to him as you shouldered your backpack. “I think I’m gonna invite the girls for lunch to make up for my lack of incompetence anyway, and we can part ways and meet at the theater.”

“Of course, (Y/N),” he grinned sheepishly and slipped his arm in yours. You had a flashback of the airport after your argument with Edith and Lexie.

“Everything alright?” His brow was furrowed as he looked at you with concern.

“Yep, show me the way to your car!” you said in a fake cheery voice. 

You slid your arm in his before realizing what you’ve done before slipping it out again. He laughed and guided your arm to his once more, where he rested his hand on your arm. You knew it was a friendly gesture, but you couldn’t help but pretend it was something more for a minute. It had made you feel more at ease and comfortable with him already.

You sighed at the memory. Another reminder of when your friends pushed things too far. But, they had gotten you to where you were now. You supposed they weren’t so bad after all. You pulled up your group text between Jasmine and the other girls. Lin led you through the busy streets of New York as you tried to come up with something to say.

“Hey gals. I don’t think I will be able to make your croissants today because of an unexpected turn of events last night. I do want to invite you guys to some brunch if you’re up for it. I’ve been craving some pancakes and I know a great cafe that has all you can eat near the theater if you wanna meet up there at around 12:30. P.S. come comfortably because I’m gonna look like a weirdo if you show up fancy.”

You saw Jazzy’s bubble almost immediately after the text sent, and her response came quickly after Renee and Pippa’s texts saying they would be there.

“Yeah, of course, a girls day out! Just send me the directions, I’ll be there soon, and don’t worry about the croissants, hon. I think I’ve had enough sweets this week. Bring them whenever.”

“You’re the best girls. Love you the most. *insert directions* see you soon!”

They all sent texts wishing you well right as you arrived at the grocery store. Lin let go of your arm for a moment to grab a cart and you put your backpack in once he returned with one.

“What did they say?” Lin asked curiously as he moved the cart toward the sliding doors. You trotted along as he weaved through other carts.

“Oh, we’re gonna meet for brunch at 12:30, so I have-” you checked the time on your phone. 9:53 am. How times goes by. “2 hours until I have to go.”

He nodded slightly as he turned the cart into a cereal aisle and grabbed a box of Raisin Bran. You almost puked the food you didn’t have in your body.

“There is no fucking way that you only eat that disgusting brand of cereal!” you yelled, getting a few scandalized looks from parents with kids in the cart seats.

“Um, yes way,” Lin looked horrified. “Raisin Brans are the best!”

"Uh. no. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the superior cereal, Miranda!”

“Okay, Cinnamon is good, but Cocoa Puffs are way better!” 

“No way, not those rabbit shit pebbles. Captain Crunch!”

You continued arguing nonsense as parents gave you stink eyes as they passed until the two of you decided on fruit loops, and once he had checked out after buying you your favorite childhood snacks and stuff for his apartment, you stood outside of the store, talking as you were calling a taxi.

“I guess it’s safe to stay that Hot Fudge Sundae is the best Pop-Tart flavor of all time,” he joked as he hefted the bags from the cart. You took your bag of sour gummy worms and other junk as you laughed along with him.

“Agreed. Uh, I guess I have to go back to my apartment and face my friends once we drop these off,” you joked as Lin rummaged through his pockets as he successfully pulled out his apartment key and handed it to you. “What’s-”

“You can rest at my apartment when I leave, plus this is only a copy of my real apartment keys,” he showed you his other keys. 

“You sure? I don’t want to cause you too much trouble,” you tried to hand him back his keys, but he closed his fist. 

“Don’t worry, (Y/N). Anyways, we’re technically an item now. Well, unless you don’t want to be. I’m kind of weird, so if you-”

You pressed your lips to him to shut him up, wrapping your free arm around his waist. “You’re weird, Miranda. But you’re too hot as fuck and cute to pass up.”

He bit his lip adorably as he hefted his bags to one arm and used his finger to flick your nose. You giggled as you noticed a taxi pull up in front of the store. 

As you put your bags in the trunk of the cab, Lin opened up the door and offered you a hand. You gratefully accepted it as you told the driver his address, Lin’s hands in yours as you looked out the window with the thought of a future with Lin to look forward too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated. Thank you for all the support!  
> p.s. please don't hate me too much regarding the bet. I wanted it to be more in depth for the next chapter which is already in the works.  
> clarification: There will be explaining/flashback (cough in Lins pov cough) and once (Y/N) comes in her senses (because her mind after the whole thing with Edith makes her mind foggy because she had thought she delayed her panic attack), well, you'll see!  
> I forgot to include this the first time I uploaded this chapter, but I hope this clears things up!


	8. Darling Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa school has been sucky the past week or two. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to put this chapter up as soon, I had multiple alterations to this chapter and was kinda indecisive on whether I should put in the real angst right now, but I'm saving that for the next chapter, along with getting rid of Lin's pov (sorry, but it's for good reason!) The next chapter is pretty much already planned out, this was originally supposed to be way longer (two chapters in one) but I figured that would be too much to handle since the workload isn't as heavy. Good news though is that my spring break starts next Friday, so I should have a lot of work done by then and a lot more chapters to come!

As the taxi started in the direction of his apartment, you smiled at what had happened at the grocery store. It made you ridiculously happy. The way his eyes twinkled as you kissed at the grocery store. The way you just knew he would love calling you his girlfriend. You were suddenly eternally grateful your currently dumbass friends had found their way here. It made you hate them slightly less at that moment as you hummed in sync the tune that was playing on the radio. 

“Happiness never lasts long, (Y/N),” your conscience reminded you. “You’re setting yourself up for disaster, hon”

You reminded yourself that your bad side always had a point in trying to come up with excuses, raining on your fucking parade as your good side always is trying to celebrate something good.

“Shut up, let me have a good time for once!” your good side yelled.

You tried to ignore it as your conscience fought on. You turned on your phone to check the time. 10:15 am. Less than two hours until you would meet your friends. You promptly set an alarm for 12:00, which would give you enough time to nap before. 

As you put your phone back in your pocket, you turned around from the taxi window and studied Lin’s face. You seemed to catch him at a weird timing as he was staring at your interlaced hands, pointedly avoiding your gaze, an unreadable gaze on his face. He squeezed your hand lightly, as if it were his plan all along, turning away in a flustered manner. What was he thinking about?

You suddenly felt anger rush in you and you were almost tempted to pull your hand away and shout at him, but you had absolutely no clue why. You felt an urge to be angry and happy at the same time. But you also felt like you weren’t catching on to something you were supposed to, but your mind took that opportunity to think of the past.

“It’s just your bad side trying to get the best of you, (Y/N).”

You supposed that was probably true.

You did realize, though, that in every bad situation you’ve been in, you needed someone to cling onto. You’ve always done so, with Brandon after every argument you’d have, with Edith or Lexie after an argument with vise versa. You’re a cancer zodiac, so it’s what you do best. 

Aside from this, you didn't want to ask him what you weren’t getting that your mind was trying to seemingly warn you about, so you deflected to ignore the pangs in your chest.

“Are my suggestions on favorite pop tarts getting to your head, Miranda? By looking at my hand?” you joked, whispering quietly. Always joke to deflect your thoughts. He smiled softly at the reference to the staring and squeezed your hand again.

“Yeah, duh,” he shot at you playfully. “I have a major hand fetish, you better watch out.” he tickled your interlaced hands playfully and brought your hand up to his face to kiss repeatedly. 

“Stop that, Lin!” you tried to stifle your laughter as he smirked at you. The taxi driver glanced at the two of you for a moment before moving his concentration to swerve into another lane.

“I’m gonna eat your hand out, (Y/N)!” he laughed as he sucked the tip of your fingers, sending shivers down your spine in a kinky way. Who knew you could get horny at the sight of an incredibly sexy guy that you can now call your boyfriend sucking your fingers?

You couldn’t contain your laugh anymore as you collapsed into his chest, wheezing as he continued and started to playfully tickled your neck. You enjoyed hearing the deep hum of his laughter in his chest. As you relaxed and wiped a tear of pure fucking joy from your cheek, you found that his chest was quite comfortable. He seemed to get comfortable too, as he started caressing your thigh with his other hand, working his way up to your waist, massaging the top of it as you leaned your head on his chest.

You sighed contently as he slid the palm of his hand down to the hem of your shorts and with a slight mischievous glance toward you, sliding his hands under. You bit your lip, stifling a moan and already becoming more turned on, as he started playing with the elastic of your thong, running his thumb across the lace absentmindedly. 

You glanced at the driver and seeing that he was currently busy honking at cars while talking loudly on the phone now, you tilted your head slightly to meet Lin’s lips in a deep, satisfying kiss.  
His thumb slipped under the lace and rubbed your clit lightly suddenly, and he continued, pulling the elastic with his other hand to create friction from your ass to your clit. 

“Oh god Lin, please don’t stop,” you whimpered as he nibbled on your earlobe, inserting two fingers into you, curling them slightly as they hit your g-spot as he continued pulling your thong, sending waves of pleasure coursing in your body. You sunk into your seat a bit so he could get a better grip as you enjoyed the thrill of it. He talented hands roughly finger-fucked you and started to whisper dirty talk in your ear, making you an expanding feeling in your gut, signifying you were close to your climax.

The taxi suddenly came to a halt and the driver grunted a taxi fare. Lin’s fingers slid out of yours as quickly as he had been fucking you, making you slightly disappointed and at a loss. You weren’t sure if you could keep your composure until you desperately needed him. Thank god the grocery store wasn’t that far, though.

With his other hand, he dug through his wallet to pay the man, squeezing your shoulders gently to get you out of your daze, though the wetness from his fingers made you gasp slightly that earned a cheeky smirk from him, and hop out the car, getting your grocery bags, and pressing the elevator button as you waited for the doors to open.

As they opened, you dragged Lin with your free hand inside, your hand squeezing his as the door closed. Your lips were immediately attached to his neck as he fumbled with his bag to wrap his arm around the small of you back. He let out a hitched breath as you sucked on his shoulders. You heard a bell ding earlier than is usually was, since he lived on the seventh floor, and it had stopped from the fifth. You removed yourself from him as an elderly couple showed up from the outside of the doors and walked inside.

You gave him a knowing look as the elevator continued on until it dinged at the seventh. Lin grabbed your hand as the elevator doors open, squeezing past the couple, speed-walking to his door. As you approached his apartment door, you nibbled his earlobe, Lin fumbling with the keys as he opened it. 

As you sighed deeply, inhaling the familiar and comforting sense of nutmeg and Lin, you set your bags on his kitchen counter, helping him put things in his pantry and fridge. You admired how strong he was, his cut yet lean form carrying 5 separate cartons of his favorite drinks and the coconut milk you had suggested he’d try (Starbucks pink drink, anyone?), which was a feat you never knew could be achieved. He was talented at many things, you noted.

As you finished helping, you caught him staring at you uncertainly. You walked slowly toward him and put your hands firmly on his waist, kissing his collarbone gently to remove any doubt he seemed to have had. This is real. This is it. You realized that you probably look like shit to him since you haven’t taken a shower since the night before.

“Shower?” you chuckled softly at his gaze, looking at you like he needed you that instant before mentally combusting, which is probably how you looked also, bringing your arm up to wrap around his neck as your free had dragged his joggers slightly below his hips, revealing his v line. “Join me?”

“That is the best idea I’ve received in a while,” Lin smiled genuinely as he helped you take off your hoodie and bra, making out with you as he started walking backward, leading you to the entrance of his bathroom. As you turned on the shower, he had already peeled off his joggers and shirt, leaving his boxers on full display, and you noticed a hardening bulge starting to form. You smirked and tugged at them a bit as a sign of ‘take them off please’ and he peeled them off as you pulled down your shorts and underwear. 

“I’ll get shampoo for you,” Lin started, rummaging through his drawers.

“No, I’m fine with using your stuff,” you smiled as you stepped in the flowing water and picked up his soap, enjoying the smell of clean and Lin on it.

Lin soon joined not too far after you scrubbed the day off, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing gentle kisses on your shoulder as you scrubbed the shampoo in your hair. He gently moved your hand and continued rubbing his shampoo in your hair, adding some from time to time, His gentle, calloused hands and the cool shampoo in your hair making you relax under his touch. 

He quickly gave himself a quick shampoo and wash, well, quick enough for his hair which became thicker when wet. Once he rinsed it off, his touches went down, tracing your back and gently grasping your ass as you caught your breath. Reminding you that he still remembered what had happened at the cab. He pulled closer to also remind you that he was getting hard. Very hard, in fact.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, (Y/N),” he whispered in an incredibly sexy tone, moving a little closer to you and pressing his body completely against yours, kissing and nibbling at the back of your ear. 

“Fuck, Lin,” you whispered as you gripped his sides as you grinded against his crotch, getting a small moan. As you turned around to face him, his soft lips immediately found yours, and it immediately became heated. You could clearly see the lust in his eyes. You honestly didn’t mind where this was going, but the shower wasn’t the most ideal place for you.

“I’d rather not fuck here babe,” you whispered against his lips as you reached behind you to turn off the slightly cold water rushing on the two of you, breaking the kiss for a moment to grab a towel. 

Lin nodded slightly in agreement, snatched the towel from you, and before you could protest, he wrapped it around you and scooped you up bridal style onto the sink counter. You sat confused as he rummaged in his cabinets as he pulled up triumphantly a hair blower and a brush. He plugged in the dryer as he gently brushed your hair. You enjoyed the warmth coming from the dryer, his occasional free hand massaging your back, and the need of closeness, your dangling legs entangled with his as he worked.

As your hair became dry again, you slid slowly off the counter, teasing Lin’s erect cock slightly to get his attention. He stopped mid-stroke of the hairbrush in his surprisingly already dry hair, setting it aside as he took your face in his hands, kissing you thoroughly. He immediately guided you to his bedroom, laying you gently on his mattress, staring up at him.

You blushed slightly he admired your form from above, as his lips were a bit parted and you could see a glint of greed in his eyes. You’ve never been or felt as gorgeous as people said you were. But with Lin, you believed every word that dripped from his mouth. It all felt so sincere.

He quickly walked over to a drawer and grabbed a condom, sliding it on in an almost impossible speed. You almost laughed at how enthusiastically he did it. He crawled over you gently, kissing your jaw gently as his arms grabbed you and flipped you on your back.

“Your back was pretty knotted in the shower, babe,” he whispered, laying himself against your back, using his hand to massage your shoulders while the other played with your ass.

“Yeah, happens when I’m stressed,” you sighed as you felt your deep tension easing out of you with every thrust of his warm hands. His hands were rough from all the years of music, and you enjoyed the feeling of them on your skin. As he was doing his ministrations, his crotch started grinding against your ass, Lin sending a cheeky smirk in your direction. Your hips bucked from the pleasure, but his knees secured at your waist held you firm.

“Hold still,” Lin eased you. “I’m giving you your massage.”

“You know what a real massage would be?” you groaned as he over-exaggerated an eye roll. 

“Patience, babe.”

“Fuck you too,-ah shit.” Lin’s hand found its way to your soaked slit, sending a cheeky smirk in your direction as he rubbed your clit.

“So wet,” he teased you, inserting a finger inside you.

“Jesus Christ, Lin,” you couldn’t contain your moan, squirming under his touch, but he held you with a tighter but as he, very enthusiastically, went down on you, sucking your clit hard.

“You taste so good, Querido,” he whispered as you gasped at his touch. He suddenly moved away from you, wiping his jaw which was glistening with your wetness.

“Don’t stop, Lin. Please,” you begged, but that did last for long, as he eased the tip of his cock and pushed it inside of you, filling you to the brim immediately.

“You know you like it when you’re completely filled, though,” he laughed, kissing your back as he pulled out slowly.

“Yep, you caught me, Lin. Fuck,” you sighed as he started doing steady strokes in you. 

Lin picked up the pace as your moans urged him along. He propped himself on his elbows and his body pressed against yours roughly. You gasped when you could feel his butt muscles flexing and his hips rolling as he grinded against you in time with each thrust. You slowly but surely matched your thrusts with his, the lust quickly building. His moans quickly became louder as he worked on you, his dick moving quickly, and quite easily, inside of you, hitting your g-spot. 

He pulled out of you and laid back, gesturing you to take over. You gladly crawled toward him, kissing his chest as you positioned yourself in between his hips, pulling his member toward your entrance. His hands rested on your hips, squeezing encouragingly as you eased him inside, still adjusting to his size. 

You started slowly as Lin’s hips started rolling in unison with yours. It quickly became hot and fast and you bucked your hips with vigor, Lin palming and kneading your breasts gently as you worked. You knew you were close to climax as your strokes became sloppier and your moans were almost guttural. His hands held your ass still and thrust against you hard, his groans intertwining with yours. 

“Come for me, princesa,” Lin whispered, quickly flipping you over as you wrapped your legs around his back, he now in full control. 

“Oh god!” you threw your head back as waves of pleasure coursed your body, whitening your vision as he rode you through your orgasm. He pressed his body against yours as he released a guttural moan, his hips bucking as you recovered from your highs. 

Lin slowly pulled out of you after the two of you were just sitting there for a while, sweat glistening on his forehead, grinning as he kissed your forehead, wrapping an arm around you and you cuddled there for a while.

“You’re spectacular,” he whispered, playing with your hair as he pressed kisses on your shoulders.

“Well, how about you?” you laughed lightheartedly, a blush forming on your cheeks as you turned away embarrassed, but he frowned and gently grabbed your face and turned it to him.

“Hey, listen (Y/N),” his thumb traced gentle circles on your jaw, and you noticeably relaxed under his touch. “I’m eternally grateful that I’m able to have an even small chance to call you my girlfriend, and sex is just a bonus I’m able to enjoy with you. But please,” he emphasized it as he pulled his puppy eyes on you. “don’t deflect compliments, because everybody knows you’re incredibly sexy and amazing and a lot of other words that my sex driven mind can’t think of right now. You deserve everything anyone has, babe. Okay?”

His eyes were full of such tender affection and love for you, you couldn’t help but choke a sob as you collapsed into Lin’s chest, breathing his smell as he rubbed your back.

“God, you have no idea how much I love you, Lin,” you looked up, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, earning a bit lip grin from him. “And thank you, you’re pretty fucking spectacular in bed. Well, that’s no surprise, but it’s our secret I suppose.”

The two of you laughed hard as you over-emphasized a wink after your sentence, and Lin, obviously exhausted, tucked his face in your neck as his eyes started closing unwillingly. You massaged his scalp as his nose skimmed your jaw, him humming a happy tune at the feeling of your hands. 

“I love you, you know?” you smiled as he gave you a sleepy-eyed smile, never taking his eyes off of you.

“I know, and I love you more, my darling girl.”

You smiled slightly at his Hamilton/Eliza reference, his breathing fell into a slow pace a few seconds after that, and you, satisfied with yourself and Lin’s work, drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

\--

As your alarm you put to wake you up at 12:05, you heard Lin groan in the crook of your neck as you unwrapped yourself from his arms and your entangled legs. Even though it wasn’t a very long nap, you felt somehow refreshed. As you entered the bathroom, kneeling to grab your clothes from the floor, you saw Lin leaning against the doorframe, wolf whistling at the sight, while you only smirked and shooed him away.

“I have to get my makeup bag,” you complained as he wasn’t wavered by your lame attempts of pushing him. He was pretty much rock solid when he wanted to be. “Let me go!”

“Hmm,” he pretended to think about it, smirking at your urgency. “If I get a kiss, I’ll leave you free.”

“Never!” you yelled, slipping under his arms and running into his living room, grabbing your backpack carrying your makeup as he tackled you on his couch. He wrapped his legs around your waist as you tried to squirm free.

“Don’t be mean!” he whined, diving in to try to steal a kiss, but you moved and ducked until he tickled your sides, you finally losing it.

“Fine! You win, Lin! Just-” you laugh yelled, Lin, cutting your words off with a deep and quite satisfying kiss from him. The two of you quickly became comfortable and you couldn’t help but make out in the couch with him for a few minutes, before tugging his now poofy hair from the performance after your shower.

“You know I have plans to leave to eat with my friends, right?” you giggled as he pouted, releasing you as he trudged back to the restroom.

“Yeah, and I would ask to go with you and the girls, but I have a Ham4Ham I have to go to, you know, for all my diehard fans,” he sighed dramatically before grinning suddenly like a crazy theater antic man, which is pretty much exactly who he is. “Hey, would you wanna text the girls to see if you could go to the Ham4Ham first? Then I can hop in on that lunch.”

“I mean, why not?” you shrugged, grabbing your phone quickly from the bathroom counter and you started typing your text, Lin putting on his clothes and peering over your shoulder as he finished. “I might have to force them into letting you come, though. They were excited about that girl's outing thing, and I was kinda excited for it too.”

“Well, you love me, well at least I hope you do,” pausing as he looked at you with uncertainty, as you pinched his cheeks in response. He laughed and continued, “But, they love me, though, so they will totally be fine with it!” he yipped, making you laugh as you sent the text. 

“Hey gals, since you’re probably at the theater together already, Lin invited me to come and see one of your infamous Ham4Ham shows and wants me to force you into inviting him along to lunch with us. Sorry for the sudden change of plans, but if you’re up for it let me know! Plus, we can really hit it up later (; at a bar after the show if you would like?”

You received a photo not too much later from Renee after you had put your clothes on and were brushing your hair, which was originally a photo from snapchat of all of them with a thumbs up and the words “Of course! We adore Lin, for the most part anyway. He gives us a job anyways. Also, since when were you having fun with Lin so soon? ((; and I like the way you think!”

Lin laughed hard, getting permission from you to type a message to them, eventually running out of patience and just flat out face timing Renee, Pippa, and Jasmine. They answered on the first ring, and you could hear the cast saying hi in the background. 

“So, you guys had fun, huh?” Pippa giggled at Lin’s poofy hair and your probably even worse attempt at a sloppy bun.

“Perhaps, don’t worry though, I won’t show up this comfortable.” you laughed as Lin flashed his hair toward the camera unceremoniously, receiving bursts of laughter from Daveed, who was walking by with Anthony.

“Looky what we have here!” He exclaimed, stealing the phone from Renee and resting his arm on her shoulder. “Two little lovebirds! How cute, Oreo!”

You groaned slightly at the nickname. “What’s up, Jeff?” 

As you said that, Lin wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on your shoulder, copying his position with Renee, sticking his tongue out as he called, “I didn’t know you were so invested in my relationships?”

“Ew gross, PDA. I’m out of here!” he groaned at the abbreviation and trudged out, laughing as Anthony quickly pressed a kiss to Jasmine’s cheek before running off with Daveed. She looked up to the heavens like she was wondering why she ended up being friends with goofballs and in a relationship with one of them.

“Anway, Lin, do you want us to do a thing for (Y/N)? Like some sort of Schuyler Sisters duet thing, you make us do sometimes? I mean, a lot of the time?” Jasmine jabbed playfully.

“Mm, perhaps. I wanted some sort of beatboxing extravaganza. Maybe me, Groff, and Daveed can do some rapping and back vocals.” Lin said, starting to brush his hair as you set your phone up on its pop-socket, grabbing your makeup bag and getting to work.

“Beatboxing extravaganza, huh?” you laughed as Pippa started beatboxing, Jasmine and Renee vocalizing as Lin rapped about Oreos. You doubled over against Lin, as he was finishing his verse about the milk and cookie duo. He wrapped his arms around you as Pippa and Jasmine started cooing playfully.

“You guys are too cute!” Renee squealed in delight as she started walking to her supposed dressing room. As she opened the door, you could hear two girl voices that you recognized very well, and you realized she wasn’t heading for her dressing room. Before you could even stop it, Renee was asking them if they would want to join them for lunch.

“Ren- ah never mind,” you groaned as you could see Edith and Lexie sitting together, and they seemed to be talking about something important as they turned around to face Renee. Their eyes widened as they were able to see the screen, but they seemed to compose themselves and muster up something.

“Uh, yeah sure,” Lexie whispered, Edith, looking down to not face your pointed expression. Lexie nudged her to as if to tell her to contribute something to get rid of the awkward silence emerging.

Edith cleared her throat. “Um (Y/N), I’m-”you cut them off.

“I gotta go, Renee. I’ll see you guys at the theater,” you said flatly, before hanging up, not even waiting for a bye. You put your mascara down and put your face in your hands, as Lin squeezed your shoulders gently. He seemed to be worried about it, or something else relating to it, before putting it aside and look at you through the vanity mirror.

“Deep breaths, (Y/N),’ he eased you as you tried to calm yourself down. Renee didn’t know any better, she wouldn’t know what was going on. “This might be a blessing in disguise, you know. You should probably talk to them eventually anyway, you share an apartment.”

“I guess you’re right,” you sighed. “Renee didn’t know any better, plus Pippa and Jasmine probably thought since we’re roommates and my friends,” you caught on the word before letting it slip. You knew you would eventually warm up to them anyway. “to invite them.”

He smiled a bit as he ruffled your hair. “I’ll leave you to it, then. I mean, putting on the makeup that is completely unnecessary.”

You blushed a bit before shooting back, “It is just to add a little pop, Lin.”

You quickly added some mascara with a little neutral eyeshadow to mix things up, along with a neutral lipstick that Edith had given you. At least 40% of the stuff you had was either from them. They were rascals sometimes, but you realized they were genuinely nice, and even though they made mistakes, you were pretty much their top priority. 

You smiled a bit at the choice and putting your hair into a cuter messy bun. You shouldered your backpack on once you finished and were satisfied with your look, entering back to the living room where Lin was waiting. He had put on an extremely sexy, grease worthy leather jacket along with a grey shirt and dark blue jeans. It was completely unfair how good he looked in that.

“Ready for action?” he joked as he sat up from the couch, holding out his hand. 

“Yup, and I’m ready to face Edith and Lexie. I’ve made my choice,” he looked surprised at this but in a way proud and you took his hand, ready to face the craziness of the Ham4Ham show you were about to witness and the lunch to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/Kudos are always appreciated. Thank you for always patiently waiting for my updates and for checking on me! (Lexa)


	9. Oh, Karma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karma has really been that bitch. I was supposed to finish editing this chapter on Sunday when karma for my past life kicked in and I got sick, lots of work, more work, my eye got swollen, and my menstrual cycle was horrible. Thus, I made this chapter extra long (a 2 in 1) for you all. Thank you always for reading and for being incredibly patient with me. My spring break starts now though so I will be (hopefully) writing a lot while I'm able to travel and take a vacation (miami y new york is the plan anyway!!!).

Once out the door, Lin decided to take the subway this time to the theater, claiming he got ‘taxi sick’ after so many rides, making you laugh at his theatrics. He interlaced his fingers with yours (which totally didn’t make you blush, because that was totally from the running) as he weaved through the pedestrians.

“You’ve lived here your whole life, Lin. How could you get sick of taxis and no subways? Taxies are the more staple transportation of New York City, plus it’s more private,” you tried to whisper but turned out to be in a yelling tone from the commotion of everyday New York foot traffic and the honking of cars.

“Well, I don’t know. There’s just something so simplistic about going on the subway, though people stop to talk to me every now and then, and I enjoy meeting new people,” he whisper-yelled back, slowing himself to a speed-walking range as he noticed you were pretty much clinging on to him like he was your life support.

“Phew, Lin. That was quite a workout,” you sighed, catching your breath as you faced him, cheeks flushed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, are you alright?” he looked regretfully at you. “I usually walk like this, I should’ve asked instead.”

“No, no it’s alright!” you laughed to play it off, noticing it was quite cold once your adrenaline and heat coursed out of you. You rubbed your arms, even though they were covered with your hoodie, but it was a quite light hoodie. Lin, of course, noticed and wrapped his arms around you.

“You cold?” he asked concerned, starting to go in the wrong direction. You didn’t say anything about it, maybe he would realize this sooner or later. But his arms were warming you up, so you couldn’t complain.

“Yeah just a little,” you admitted, getting a tighter squeeze from him. “It’s because in Florida we never really got anything about 60 degrees.”

“I can relate, being born on the island and all, but you need something to warm you up,” he smiled, taking a beanie out of his pocket (which is totally something he would do, so you weren’t surprised at all) and placing it on your head.

Once he finished he gave your cheeks a quick pat, make you giggle. “There you go. You look way too good in that, I might have to give that beanie to you.”

You blushed profusely, though it did make you way warmer, besides the arms around you. You smiled and linked your arm in his as he looked up something on his phone. Directions to… a cafe?

“I’m going to take you to my favorite cafe in the city,” he stated, answering your unasked question, probably sensing it with his skill in everything. “And no, not to a Starbucks, though they are a little faster, actually a lot faster,” you laughed lightly at that as he shot you a cheeky grin. “But Starbucks is way overpriced, but this one is more unknown and pretty darn good.”

“But my pink drink!” you cried over-dramatically, getting a laugh out of him. “Nah, I’m just kidding with you, Lin-Manuel. I need something warm anyway. What kind of cafe?”

“Well, it’s a hot chocolate shop, so I hope you don’t mind!”

The statement immediately brought you back to your childhood, leaving a warm feeling in your chest. When you were young and when it was “cold” in Florida, you would go every fall and winter to your grandma’s house and she would make you and your cousins hot chocolate when you slept over. It had become a tradition in your household with your mom and dad, along with your 

“No, I love hot chocolate!” you said warmly, feeling tears pool your eyes as the flashbacks continued. “It just brings me back to my childhood.”

You felt a tear unceremoniously (though you were biting your cheek to make it not fall) pool down your cheek, causing Lin to immediately worry.

“Is everything alright, (Y/N)?” he asked with panic clear in his voice, but you quickly wiped it off your cheek and tried to explain yourself.

“Yeah, it just brings back so many good memories from my childhood. I really wish my parents were here to see where I’m-” your voice finally broke down and you started sobbing.

“What do you,- Oh,” Lin seemed to understand and didn’t press you further and pulled you into a hug, stopping in the middle of the street, getting a few stink eyes from seemingly snobby businessmen and their leather satchels.

“I’m so sorry (Y/N), I had no idea,” he sighed in your ear as he tugged your arm gently to keep you moving, probably understanding that the two of you would get hit by a flying taxi if you stayed there. He held tightly to your arm as he seemed to carefully collect his thoughts. You were mute and once he realized you wouldn’t speak, he mustered up his courage.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand, but this is a huge part of you that I had no idea about, and a huge part of you I didn’t know you were coping with,” he murmured, whispering close in your ear as he stopped in front of a gorgeous looking cafe with a bunch of hot chocolate and sweet posters plastered on the front windows.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was necessary,” you sighed in his embrace. “I’ll tell you more about it later though, I-I don’t want to think a-about that right now.” you hated your goddamn stutter, and cursed yourself for doing so. You’re revealing too much.

“I know you’re probably cursing yourself for that,” he smiled gently yet knowingly at you, and you wondered how he knew you so well already. 

“Well, before yesterday, you two were pretty much very close friends, and you two talked all the time,” you reminded yourself. It surprised you how quickly it had all turned out. But, back to the present.

He leaned forward, moving a strand of hair from your forehead and kissing that spot, making you feel already much better, and quite warm. “Whenever you’re ready, and I’ll be patiently waiting for you. Always will, (Y/N).”

“I love you, Lin-Manuel, you have no idea,” you sputtered as he smiled widely, catching your lips in a breathtaking kiss. He knew exactly what you needed as his soft lips mingled with your own, whispering an “I love you too” as his mouth worked on yours. 

You quickly became comfortable as you wrapped your arms around him, pushing your body against his to deepen the kiss. You’ve never felt safer in your life as his arms wrapped around your waist, kissing you in just as much gusto. You wanted to show him exactly how you were feeling, and you started sucking his bottom lip playfully, making him catch his breath as he wrapped his arms around the small of your back tightly, lifting your feet slightly off the ground. 

The thought suddenly came to you that you were probably giving too much of a show to the guests inside the cafe, and for fucking everyone roaming the streets, so you quickly broke the kiss as the two of you stared into each other's eyes. God, the amount of affection in his almost made you explode internally.

“We should probably, uh, get going inside,” you whispered, obviously flustered at the moment the two of you shared. 

You were slightly disappointed that you had to break it, but Lin nodded slightly, probably understanding what you meant, putting you on the ground gingerly and opening the door for you like a true gentleman (and curtsying while he did so), You, obviously curtsying in favor, gratefully going inside, while giggling at the antics.

As you walked in, the smell of chocolate and vanilla immediately overwhelmed you, yet the LED Edison lights immediately calmed you (Yin/Yang, and also, you just have a thing for some good old fashioned light bulbs), but Lin having his arm on your waist probably contributing to your relaxed state, as you made your way to the register. 

There was a seemingly young (or maybe it was the heavy amount of makeup), and very gorgeous, you could admit, lady with short brunette hair and a pretty smile calling a person’s name as she slid their order on the pickup counter. She was starting to walk towards the register when she heard the bell on the door ring, and once she had her eyes fixed on Lin, she smiled widely as she knew him. Lin smiled his signature smile back, so you knew they probably have seen each other before.

“Hi Lin!” she said sweetly, her eyes staring intently at him. Shit. Did the temperature just rise? Lin’s face was turning red from his obvious nervousness, so you guessed it wasn’t only you. 

When the lady finally noticed your presence, her face contorted for a split second into a sneer, but it quickly turned back into a smile. You knew immediately she didn’t like you, especially with Lin’s hands on you and his arm linked with yours. You also noted that her tag identified her as a Vanessa. Typical name.

“How are you, Vanessa?” Lin’s cheeriness sounded a bit forced as his grip on your waist tightened. 

“Great!’ Vanessa's voice sounded strained also as she looked at his hands on your waist for a moment, fumbling with her apron. “Do you want the usual?”

“Yup, and she’ll get the same,” he turned to you for confirmation, and even in the awkwardness, his eyes were full of tender affection. He winked at you slightly, and you wondered how crazy you could customize hot chocolate at this cafe. You were just a plain marshmallow gal. You nodded slightly as Vanessa typed it on the keypad.

“Is that it?” She mustered a grimace at you as you eyed the goods on display. Lin seemed to notice as he pointed at it, his face contorted in questionable gaze. That chocolate brownie looked like quite the experience, though. Oh, and pretty much everything on the display looked pretty much amazing.

“Um, I’ll get two of the chocolate and peanut butter brownies and a dozen of those triple chocolate large strawberries,” you mustered up, grabbing your debit card before Lin was able to (giving him a successful glare), and putting it in the chip reader. She seemed shocked as you put in your credentials and pressed no for cash back.

“Can we have our drinks to go also?” Lin said, giving you a disappointed glare as he put his card back in his Hamilton symbol engraved leather wallet (what else would it be?). You found it incredibly cute that he had a wallet of his own Broadway show. But, heck, you probably would.

“Um, yeah,” Vanessa finally came up with words and grabbed two moderately small cups (barely bigger than a shot, making you question his eyebags pretty much etched in him) and used a sharpie to write down the order. You took that opportunity to confront Lin.

“I sense a tension between the two of you?” you playfully remarked, shoulder checking him gently to get his attention.

“Em, you could say that,” he sighed at the end, looking up at the menu. “It’s just, well, I recently found out that my fiance Katie was cheating on me, and I broke up with her a few months ago-”

“Fiance?” your voice took on a sharp turn, but you weren’t sure why. You definitely weren’t surprised he was in a relationship before you, but you weren’t expecting that from him.

“Uh, y-yeah, and before I met you I was kinda desperate for something, or like, someone to-”

“No, I understand,” you sighed, getting rid of your tenseness that had started forming. “That was rude of me to be jealous. I’m really sorry that she cheated on you.”

“It’s okay, (Y/N), that was bad of me to bring it up out of nowhere,” Lin mumbled as he shoved his hands in his pockets, obviously nervous.

“No, it’s okay, I’m serious.” you rested a hand on his arm and offered a small smile. He took your hand in his own and brought it to his mouth.

“I don’t deserve you,” he smiled against your palm as your cheeks grew a strawberry pink. “Also, I think you will like the hot chocolate.”

The two of you laughed and you were eternally grateful things were settled on that matter. You also did hope the hot chocolate was good, you hadn’t had one in age, but you were thanking for the change of conversation.

“Hold on a sec, Miranda,” you started to turn to your attention on what Vanessa had written on the cup, and you definitely couldn’t make out much, but you swore you saw 4 pumps each of 4 different flavorings. You saw Lin quirk his head in confusion as your eyes widened.

“Holy guacamole, Lin,” you gasped as you saw a worker pumping 4 things of 4 different flavorings into each of your cups, only confirmation that you hadn’t read anything wrong. You were also quick to question the cup sizes. “How many calories is that? And why are there 16 shots total of different flavorings in your hot chocolate.”

“Uh, I don’t know, it helps me keep away the whole day though!” he laughed at your expression, and probably that 8th grade alternative to holy shit, and also probably thankful for the conversation change.

His laugh then, suddenly and quite immediately, died down when he looked to his right and he definitely didn’t use the friendly version of holy guacamole. The strawberries and brownies you ordered, were quite in fact, very massive. 

“I wanna know how many calories is THAT!” Lin’s eyes were widened as he silently gaped at the box, getting a laugh from you. As if on queue, the worker, thankfully not Vanessa, but a young lady with a pixie hair cut, called your name that was written on the box. “That is most definitely more calories than my drink!”

“Mm, I don’t know,” you smirked as you made your way to grab the box, silently thanking the lady as the hot chocolates came not too soon after. “But it’s not all for me. It’s my alternative of chocolate croissants. You know, for the gals.”

“Ah, I see,” he chuckled softly at the wink you gave (clearing depicting that most of it was for you) as he grabbed his hot chocolate and took the box from you. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, but he went behind you, opening your backpack and gingerly placing the box in your backpack. It fit perfectly, no surprise.

“So you could actually hold and try your hot chocolate, I didn’t want you to struggle,” he explained while smirking slyly. And as you had completely forgotten about it, heat from your cheeks rising as you quickly grabbed your cup. Lin, taking way too much advantage of him being behind you, leaned his body flush with yours, his hot breath hitting the back of your ear.

“And so I could also hold your hand,” he murmured as his free hand found your own, squeezing gently and he turned you around. Your cheeks had turned into a more dangerous cherry red than your strawberry pink, getting a cute smirk from him. You fixed your gaze, not wanting to let him in on how much he turned you on.

“Yeah sure,” you laughed as you started walking to the front door.

Your conscience suddenly had something to say, quickly took over your brain, you have to cover your mouth from what it wanted to say and the horrible sneer (that was Maya worthy) painting your face. As quickly as the thought surfaced in your mind though, it disappeared from your memory like a broken SD card. 

There was a lot of yelling to Lin involved, though.

“Shit!” you sighed, trying to concentrate to see if the memory would come back. It was something important. Something to do with the bet and Lin. But what?

“What’s wrong?” Lin asked worriedly, gently tugging you to the exit and leading you to an outdoor table in front of it. He gently sat you down, breaking your interlaced hands to grab the chair across from you to your side, sitting on it. 

“I just had a memory, and my brain kinda took over and it wasn’t something important but I knew it was hurtful so I stopped myself and the sneer I was making and it was something about the bet that was involved with you,” you ran out of breath as you gasped for all the air you could get.

Lin froze for a moment as he studied you intently. You felt hot tears pool your eyes as you realized he might know what it was, but he looked way too incredibly nervous and… ashamed?

“Lin,” you said gently, not wanting him, or damn, even you, to have an anxiety attack on you. “Do you know about anything, well something, anything that can get my memory back?”

“I-” he caught on his words before he continued. “It’s nothing important right now, I’ll tell you later also before-” he caught his words again but you swore you could hear him mumble something else quietly. You decided not to dwell on it, pushing aside the nauseating feeling in your stomach and standing you, extending your hand toward him.

“We should probably hurry up then, we have a Ham4Ham to go to,” you glanced down at him. He seemed hesitant, before slipping his hands in yours and you were quick on your way.

\--

The two of you were pretty much quiet on the way to the subway station. You didn’t recognize the route he was taking or the area, so you left your hand in his as he guided you around the bustling streets. About 15 minutes of walking had passed and a bunch of sips from the surprisingly strong and delicious hot chocolate and you couldn’t bear the silence. 

“My parents died in a car accident 2 years ago,” you whispered almost inaudibility, bringing back the conversation you had about your parents at the shop. 

Lin stared at you with his eyes widened in sympathy, but he stayed silent as a sign for you to continue. “And the year before that, they found out that I had liked and slept with multiple girls throughout high school and college, and they stopped talking to me completely. They wouldn’t even let me talk to my siblings.”

Lin stared at you for a moment, considering the revelation of your past you just revealed. But he couldn’t keep his silence anymore on it as his face contorted to anger. 

“So, they stopped talking to you because you loved someone other than a guy,” he spit angrily, throw his empty hot chocolate cup in a garbage can aggressively, making you flinch. “And, they made your siblings ignore you. You having no one to talk to. And then, out of desperation-”

He gaped slightly as he realized what it led to. It led to the beginning of you and Brandon, explaining the alcohol issues. Explaining your state of consciousness. It was now all out in the open. You felt tears pull your eyes as you struggled to keep your composure.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it,” you said shakily, squeezing his hand as your eye vision blurred from the tears. The two of you were silent for a few moments as you tried to contain your composure, yet Lin wasn’t able to keep silent any longer

“Are you okay, (Y/N)? Are we okay, at all?” he sounded extremely anxious as he glanced at you nervously, his hot breath hitting your neck, making you shiver slightly. 

Besides him seeming to drop the previous conversation, for now, it somehow made you feel a rush of sympathy for him.

“I didn’t know you were, interested in other girls, and I didn’t mean to worry you back there, and I’m really sorry for pushing you to-”

“It’s fine, Lin,” you sighed, trying to phrase what you wanted to say correctly. “I just thought that it wasn’t really necessary at that moment, and anyway, love is love is love is love, right?”

His mouth quirked into a rewarding small smile as he approached a stairwell leading down to what you presumed to be the subway station. You gulped slightly as you finished your final sip of hot chocolate and threw it in a trash can as well.

“How many fleets of stairs are in here?”

“Uh, I don’t know, maybe 4?” he grinned sheepishly before running down unexpectedly. NOW you knew what the goofy smirk was all about.

You clenched his hands tight, trying not to scream as he raced down the stairs. You actually thought you would make it, before karma got its wrath and you, slipping on your own damn feet (like the eloquent proper lady that you are) taking a quite comically spectacular pratfall and tumbling into Lin and the two of you collapsed on the floor. 

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry!” you squeaked, but one gaze between the two of you had you wheezing in laughter as pedestrians walked by obviously confused on why two weebs were dying of laughter on the subway station floor.

“Jesus fuck, (Y/N), are you okay?” he cleared his throat, but quickly burst into laughter again as you wrapped your arms around his half kneeling body for support. He quickly pulled you up once you told him (repeatedly) you were fine, you leaning on him for support as you finally finished your giggles. The awkward tension on your way here was completely shattered.

“Oh my god, if someone recorded that, karma would become that bitch,” you said. You started to notice a girl walking toward the two of you, and you caught your breath. You silently swore you would kick karma in the face if she had anything on her camera history relating to you and Lin’s collapse.

“Um hi?” the teenaged girl mumbled, taking in the scene of a particularly disheveled lady leaning and having her arms wrapped around the famous Lin Manuel Miranda. “Are you two boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“You could say that!” Lin laughed, patting his hands down on his jeans as he approached the girl. “Hey, you didn’t happen to record any of that, did you?”

“Um, no?” she said confused. “I just saw you two on the floor and I immediately recognized you as the guy that made Hamilton so you’re pretty awesome and if you don’t mind if I get an autograph and a selfie and a picture and-”

“You can have all of it!” Lin grinned at the cuteness radiating off of the sweet girl, releasing you as he signed whatever she put up at him. You had to smile at how she looked at Lin like he was the best thing to ever happen in her life. Accurate description of yourself though. 

Before you knew it, you clicked a few photos of the two and bid the girl goodbye as she raced to her friends, squealing with delight.

“Fans like her make everything I put effort into worth it,” Lin smiled as the girl parted out of view, turning to you as the subway arrived. “Like you.”

He offered you a hand as the doors slid open. You gladly took it as you saw that thankfully, the subway wasn’t too crowded as you took your seats. Your head quickly found itself relaxing (quite comfortably, if you will (; ) on Lin’s shoulder and your hands easily interlaced as the train started toward the theatre district.

\--

“So, I heard that things got pretty escalated on your walk,’ Jasmine cooed as she took a big bite of chocolate covered strawberry, getting a jaw-gaping reaction from you. Who had told them this?

You had just gotten to the theater moments ago and they had immediately dragged you to their dressing room, demanding the sweets that “Lin said you got for us!” And yet, you thought those rather large strawberries were no match for the three, especially Jazzy. Renee and Pippa also took a bite out of their strawberries, following Jazzy’s example (though not as big bite as her own), looking at you innocently from their dressing room countertop, all of them by your request, dressed in simple sweaters and shorts.

“Um, by what sorts?” What were you? A fucking news reporter from the 60s?

“It got HEATED, (Y/N)! STEAMY!” Jasmine laughed through her last swallow of that strawberry.

“And who did you hear this from?’ you sighed heavily as you put your face in your hands, preparing yourself from the worst, though just coming to terms that it was real.

“Twitter,” Pippa chirped, seemingly happy to join the conversation, bringing out her phone to show you a clip. It turns out to be a view from the opposite street of you and Lin seemingly in a “steamy conversation,” Renee adds, quickly turning into a kiss, “well, kissing rather passionately!” outside of the cafe. 

“You looked like you were having fun!” Pippa winked at you.

“I think extremely sexy, breathtaking, and fuck-worthy is how she would describe the whole experience!” Renee laughed as she showed you another picture of you and Lin on top of each other in the subway. The girl had gotten a sort of footage out of it. Fuck you, karma.

“Well, you just described it way better than how I described it at that moment,” you grudgingly admitted from your still-covered face, getting bursts of giggles from the three. “And I guess Twitter was freaking out about it!”

“Honey, freaking out is an understatement!” Jasmine squealed, showing you the thread people had started under the video. Many found it to be extremely cute, hoping you would show up to the Ham4Ham and “confirm the relationship” and whatever. There were many clapping gifs and Hamilton gifs involved, too. You found it pretty sweet that they were already supportive, which made it easier for the people who found you… unworthy.

“Well, most of them love me already, I guess,” you laughed as you heard a knock on their dressing room door. Jasmine hollered a “come in” and loe and behold, Lin popped in the door, gingerly closing it as Renee, Pippa, and Jasmine looked at you expectantly.

“I heard laughter through the door, so I’m assuming you were having a good time?” he joked, sitting down next to you and wrapping an arm around your waist. You could literally hear Pippa trying to hold down a squeal.

“Yup!” Jasmine supplied, grabbing another strawberry and handing it to him. He immediately took a bit and closed his eyes in happiness. “Those strawberries are amazing, huh?”

“Oh fuck yeah,” he jokingly moaned against your ear as you and Pippa couldn’t help but burst into giggles at his antics. Jasmine and Renee playfully rolled their eyes (though they couldn’t deny those strawberries were damn delicious). As he finished (and successfully) swallowed the rest of his strawberry, he looked at the four of you expectantly.

“So, you guys were making fun of me?” he teased lightly, resting his head on your shoulders, his goatee brushing the exposed skin of your neck.

“Mhm, and Twitter seemed to expose our secret!” you rested your head on his, making a hand gesture to Pippa. 

“Oh, yeah!” she said as she pulled up everything she had previously shown you. Lin looked pretty intrigued and even laughed at the photo of the two of you at the subway.

“God damn, I actually want that as my wallpaper,” he laughed hard as he forced Pippa to send the pictures to him. 

You watched the two of them as they had an easy-going conversation as he still rested on yours, a teeny bit envious of the relationship they had. Sure, you loved Lin to death, even though he could drive you insane, but you wished you could talk to him more freely about life’s shit. 

He and Pippa eventually turned his attention to you as they noticed your head moved from Lin’s own (quite comfortable) head.

“Do you want to come out for the Ham4Ham, (Y/N)?” Pippa said curiously as you rubbed your eyes. You were a bit tired. “You look a bit exhausted.”

“Of course, but I don’t have to do anything talented worthy that I can’t do, right?” 

“I mean, you could just sit with me and be cute, smart, and extremely hot, while I entertain the fans!” Lin said cheerfully, putting your self-confidence doubts to its grave. He really could be a mentor.

“Mm, that sounds pretty great,” you mused, interlacing his free hand with yours and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, making the girls glance to each other and mute squeals of delight. “And they’ll be happy when I give you a kiss?”

“I will most definitely be,” he laughed as your foreheads touched, putting his hand on the crook of your neck. “And they would be too, don’t worry about that. But I wouldn’t mind there was a neck massage involved?”

“I could make that happen,” you giggled, getting up to stand behind his chair and rubbing his neck. Jasmine and Renee started making dirty jokes about massages, you and Lin remembering what had happened at his apartment after a massage. He turned his head slightly, winking at you, making the two of you burst into a fit of giggles

“What’s the matter with you? Are my massage jokes getting you turned on?” Jasmine jokingly teased right as Anthony, Daveed, and Oak trudged in, followed by Chris and Leslie.

“I just heard massaging turning people on, so I’m guessing you guys were having some fun?” Daveed teased, sitting next to Renee on the counter. Anthony shared a seat with Jazzy, giving her a sweet kiss as the rest of the guys got comfortable.

“You could say that,” you teased back as you continued rubbing Lin’s neck, occasionally swirling his hair in your finger to tease him. 

“So the rumors are true?” Leslie said in a tone a dad would make when you were too loud at a sleepover, making Lin stand up straight in his chair.

“Stop being such a dad, Jesus,” Lin complained as Daveed and Chris started teasing him. Leslie turned his attention to you as he grabbed a strawberry from your almost empty box. 

You were almost tempted to stand up and put your arms flat on your body, but he was just teasing you. He reminded you of some sort of shitty general from those poorly edited military documentaries on Youtube.

“Is he treating you well?” he smirked as he took a bite of the strawberry. He almost had the same reaction as Lin did, just less exaggerated. 

“Yeah, most definitely, and are those strawberries treating you well?”

“Yes. God damn, I need to know where you got these immediately.”

You laughed along with him as Lin commented, “The usual hot chocolate place. Fucking (Y/N) paid for everything.”

“Now that’s a woman,” Oak teased him. “She’s a keeper.”

“Yup, I need me a girl that can give me a massage like (Y/N) does,” Anthony teased as Jazzy stuck her tongue out and flicked her middle finger at him, making everyone laugh.

“Especially a girl that would fuck you senseless right after,” Lin leaned his neck back on the edge of the chair casually as he said so, propping his leg up as he did so.

“Oh my god, Lin,” you groaned as everyone stared at the two of you wide-eyed. Chris was surprisingly the first one to react, leaning against the wall as he started wheezing in laughter.

“God damn,” he whistled. “You’re a real one, (Y/N).”

“Oh shut up,” you giggled as you kissed the back of Lin’s neck, gettings bursts of laughter and cooing from your audience. Lin turned to look at you, grabbing your hand with a mischievous grin as he sits you on his lap, leaning in to kiss you as his hands cradle your head and quickly became entangled in your hair.

The kiss quickly became serious as Daveed’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He looked at Renee, who was fanning herself with her hands as she laughed.

“Whoo, it’s really getting steamy in here!” she joked as Pippa and Jasmine followed her lead.

“Like I said!” Jasmine added as she leaned her head against Anthony’s back, clearly enjoying the show.

Lin took his time with the kiss as you reluctantly pulled away, pretty much gasping for air. He started tilting his head and looking back at the group as if he finally noticed they were there.

“Oh, You guys are still here?” he said all innocently as everyone started cracking up.

“Fuck you!” Leslie groaned as he finished his strawberry. “Since when did you come out of your shell around girls?”

“Mm, I’m still very shy around girls,” he shot back as you wiggled your body around to face your friends, pulling up your shorts in the process.

“That was definitely not shy, Lin,” Anthony was grinning hard as Jasmine looked wide-eyed at you, realizing she hadn’t been looking where Lin’s hands had been going as you had pulled up your shorts. She hadn’t been the only one who noticed as you reached to grab the last strawberry, beating Oak to his already third.

“Right, but I’m not interested in girls. (Y/N) is a full grown woman,” he slides his hands across your legs and waist, using his other hand and going inside the opening of your left thigh. You casually took a bite of your strawberry as he massaged your waist and began his ministrations.

“Oh my god Lin,” Jasmine gasped as his hand was completely up against your shorts, getting wide-eyed gasps from everyone else. You had to stifle a moan as he ran his hand on the seam of your panties. You knew he loved showing off though, showing them how much it turned the two of you on. 

You slapped his hand away playfully as you lowered your voice to a whisper. You started leaning closer to his ear as you murmured, “If you have your hands up my shorts again, I swear I’m gonna unzip your pants.”

He immediately bursts out in laughter as you hook your fingers in his belt, teasing him as Daveed finally hopped off from the counter, making time out gesture. 

“Hey kids, it’s time for the Ham4Ham now!” he yells to distract everyone from the spectacle. Lin’s hands immediately stilled as you stood up from his lap, wiping off the invisible crumbs from your legs to keep you distracted as you took another bite of your strawberry. Everyone seemed to come back to reality, starting to leave as Pippa quickly ran to you.

“Oh my god, what the fuck just happened?” she all but screamed at you playfully.

“I thought it was hot,” you mused as Lin came up from behind, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Extremely!” Lin added as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

“If you keep that up for the rest of the day, I swear I’m gonna need a freezing cold shower after lunch,” Jasmine groaned playfully as she grabbed your arm, leading you out of their dressing room. You could hear Pippa and Renee’s laughs trailing behind with Lin’s groaning, making you giggle.

After many corridors and squeezing through groups of people, you reached 3 or 4 sets of doors, where you could hear a huge crowd of people outside of it. You felt nerves coursing through you as your palms become sweatier by the second (knees weak…).

“I’ll entertain them for a moment and I’ll call for you when you’re ready,” Lin said as he grabbed a microphone. He seemed to notice you were nervous and he grabbed your hand, rubbing it with his thumb gently. “Hey, it will be okay. You just have to stand there with me and be cute.”

“I guess so,” you mustered a small smile as he pressed a kiss to your forehead opened the doors gently, waving at you as the crowd started screaming as he came out.

“Hello hello hello!” you heard his voices boom off the speakers as squeals were made. 

As he casually talked with his fans, you admired how happy he sounded as he talked. He would call on people and have a completely casual conversation. You didn’t realize you were smiling as wide as you were until Renee tapped your shoulder to get your attention.

“Something must be making you really happy,” she smiled as she rested her arm on your shoulder. 

“Well, I was just thinking of how amazing Lin is to all his fans,” you said as you took the last bite of your strawberry, pausing only when you were swallowing it. “He gives them an opportunity to watch Hamilton for a way cheaper price, he is more than willing to sign autographs and take photos, and he can have real conversations with his fans and can even tell them about things he hasn’t told anyone else. It’s actually insane to me.”

“He’s unique in every way, a genius and I presume to be pretty great in bed as well," she winked, getting an eye-roll from you. "And yeah, pretty much a summary of his life existence.” she agreed as she playfully ruffled your hair. You heard the door open and a security guard calling for the four of you. 

“That's our cue to go, are you ready, (Y/N)?” Pippa piped (haha) up.

“Yup!” you said, right as he called for his special guests. Jasmine was the first out the door, holding it for you, Pippa’s hand squeezing your hand as encouragement, as you stepped into the screaming crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts and kudos are always appreciated. Sending lots of love to FoolsParadise for the hot chocolate idea, will definitely be featured again at some point (: and a million kudos to her own Lin/Reader fanfic. Love you <333


	10. Forgiving and Forgetting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. You probably thought I was dead but alas, here I am! I spent the past week with my best friend in Detroit, Michigan (it was very cold!). Aside from weather issues to my bipolar Floridian blood, I went to see Hamilton (again) and saw the amazing, incredible, awe-inspiring #AndPhilip cast again. Love their Aaron Burr 2 death. Anyway, the universe was in my favor (for some odd reason?) and LOE AND FUCKING BEHOLD THE HOT LATINO GUY OF OUR DREAM COMES RUNNING OUT WHEN THE CAST SPECIFICALLY SAID HE WAS NOT THERE AND HOLY SHIT. I literally cannot describe the whole experience. Without a doubt the best day of my life. He was so fucking cute and I literally started screaming after my moment of paralysis passed. If you saw his post on Twitter (ahem ahem calling all my people that don't have twitter accounts but stalk his page, you know who you are (: ) It was absolutely insane. But yes, I did buy the pen, but I'm poor so I couldn't get the cast and Lin Manuel Miranda signed posters. )): Had to rewrite this whole thing because I was inspired by that day. But I could never abandon this story, I love it too much. But make sure to check out my favorite people's stories: FoolsParadise and midnitetruce! Chapters will be coming more frequent. love y'all so much for real.

As you walked hand in hand with Pippa out the doors, you hung your head low to not get flustered by the sheer amount of people you heard screaming. You had become great at it, Yet, you could feel your cheeks getting hot. What is the matter with you and crowds?

“Everything alright?” Pippa whispered, probably concerned from the growing heat and color on your cheeks, as someone handed her a mic. For some reason though, she quickly passed it to you. Along with a mischievous glance in Lin’s direction. 

“Um yeah?” you glanced at her confused, but she just gave you a thumbs up and shrugged as she trotted over to Oak and Lin’s direction. Okay?

You thought about going back to her because you knew she had something going on involving you. Then the thought hit you that you wouldn’t be able to see Pippa, Oak, or Lin without turning to look at the crowd. Yikes.

But, you of course eventually looked out into the crowd after thinking, “Fuck it, what do I have to lose?” and you couldn’t believe how many people there were. The crowds that you saw in Times Square looked rather tame compared to the sheer amount of people there behind the temporary fences.

You had an internal freak-out and for whatever reason couldn’t help but turn to Lin, who was in conversation with Pippa and Oak as you had thought they would be. He had somehow managed a costume change and was clad with a black hoodie and baggy jeans. Ugh, why did he have to look good in everything? And why are you into a hot Latino guy that dresses almost exactly like your dad used to? 

Well, out of context. He was in a mid-whispering conversation with Pippa and Oak, and it seemed Pippa had said something clever, as he smiled widely and nodded. You tried waving at him, but after a few moments of that, you realized you probably looked like a fool. But it had worked, as he had turned around after gesturing from Oak.

You immediately shot him with a pleading look on your face, which quickly returned by a confused one from him and a gesture with his hand to come over. You, with no hesitation, and with rather quick speed, ran over to Lin and tackled him in a hug, getting a few gasps from the crowd and a squeal from Pippa.

You heard a girl whisper “She’s the girl from the Twitter photos this morning!” but you couldn’t put yourself to care as he returned your hug, stroking your hair as you pulled away. Oak and Pippa had thankfully turned around to talk to some of who you presumed to be in the cast. Probably to give the two of you some privacy.

“What’s wrong?” Lin seemed to sense the nervousness radiating off of you as you turned your head to look up at him. He currently had his concerned look on, along with the usual puppy eyes and adoration which you haven’t quite gone over yet. It was crazy how much he loved you.

“Just nerves from being in the center of attention.” You quipped as everyone seemed to have their eyes on the two of you. 

Well, other than the cast, who had probably figured you would make a sequel of what happened in the dressing room. Typical. You wouldn’t mind doing it again though.

“Would now be a good time for that kiss?” You whispered, looking out into the crowd and seeing the cast had money in their hands and were now looking at you eagerly.

He laughed as his grip on your waist tightened, him too apparently realizing the attention the two of you were getting. “Of course, the fans are eagerly waiting!”

You wasted no time as you closed the space between the two of you, pressing your lips hard against his to release all your nerves. It worked pretty well, as Lin managed to have the two of you smushed together against the wall, tongues deeply intertwined. The crowd screamed some more, just when you thought they would run out of energy.

As he pulled away, he winked at the audience, which made due for some more screaming. At that point, you would’ve lost your voice if you were in that crowd. That made due for people exchanging cash to a smug looking Pippa and Daveed, who both shot you a wink. Ah, more bets.

“So does this confirm the images you guys have seen on twitter?” he says with the microphone you were holding, your hands intertwined.

There were some whoops and yeah’s from the crowd, but they seemed to have calmed down a bit more and started taking photos of the two of you. Lin didn’t seem to mind, as he situated his hand intertwined with yours and gave you a sly smirk. You mustered a small smile as Lin started talking to his fans again.

You took into account that there were lots of ladies in the stage area (if that’s what you call it) that you recognized as from the ensemble. Or they were just Renee and Jasmine or understudies. And there were people coming in with instruments and sheets of music on music stands next to that area the ladies were currently occupying. A live performance of a song of some sort? 

Lin shook you out of your daze and observation mode when he shouted, “And my special friend will be doing my role as Hamilton. Give it up for the Hamilton Ladies!”

“What?!” you all but silently shrieked at him as he handed you the mic and gently pushed you toward the half circle the ensemble had formed in front of the crowd. You could admit you missed the feeling of his calloused and warm hands on yours, but you were still mad at him. Definitely very mad at him.

“Lin forcing you to sing?” a guy with curly hair and the strangest instrument you’ve ever seen approached you. 

“Yup!” You were probably looking at him with your classic (and original) confused and flustered look when he put out his hand. 

“Alex Lacamoire.”

Oh. He was only the fucking music composer for the show and one of Lin’s closest friends that you know of. He was only a multi-winning Tony and Grammy musician and another genius in this all genius cast of Hamilton. Shit. 

Get it together, (Y/N)!

“Um, I’m (Y/N) (L/N).” You tried to control your feeling of stupidity and embarrassment. You thought about doing something for a moment as you took a bold risk. Putting your beanie on his head. A total strangers head, in fact.

“And, you looked kinda cold. Nice to meet you!”

Thankfully, he just shot you a grin as you realized Lin had given you a Hamilton beanie. Typical. They seemed to be getting into position as the group of ladies ushered you into their half circle. Starting soon you presume.

Soon enough, a beat had formed and Jasmine had started rapping the song you immediately realized you had sung with Lin the first day you met. He seemed to have planned this with the group, as he grinned wider when you silently cursed him out. 

“-Those redcoats don’t wander with me, ‘cause I will pop chick-a-pop these cops till I’m free!” Jasmine sang in the place of her boyfriend’s part (clever) John Laurens as she quickly passed the mic to Renee.

Which means she is doing Lafayette. Oh shit, this would be interesting!

“Oui Oui, mon ami, je m’appelle Lafayette. The Lancelot of the revolutionary set! I came from afar just to say Bonsoir. Tell the king casse-toi,” to this she sticks out the middle finger, which has you bursting in laughter with Jazzy.

“Who’s the best, c’est Moi!” Renee finished as she quickly hands the mic over to a lady in a pink beanie. When she turns her head toward you, you realize it’s Edith. Shit. She gives you a nervous smile as she starts her verse. 

You must’ve been giving her the strangest look from the glances Renee and Jaz were giving each other from you to Edith. But as she continued to successfully rap, though you weren’t sure how, Hercules’ introduction, and probably your favorite introduction of them all because of that hyped “come again!”, you realized you were actually not mad at her. 

A part of you, very deep down though, had been longing to just have a good time and forgive her and Lexie already. So you intended to do justice to that when you flashed a hopefully encouraging smile when she finished. 

Your time to sing only came closer and closer and the adrenaline in you was coursing through your body as Jasmine finishes her verse. You had wondered who Aaron Burr would be, only to turn around to find Lexie standing behind you casually. 

You internally had a mental freak out as she had her mature and dad mode on in place of Leslie, which only amused Jasmine and Renee to no end. Not to mention Leslie, Daveed, and Anthony cheering on the three girls. 

And not you.

“Shut up, (Y/N), there’s a perfectly great man cheering you on right behind you,” Your mind shouted at you. “And not to mention the group of pretty spectacular woman all around you!”

Well, your mind had a point. Lin was pretty fucking amazing, and he seemed to be dancing in excitement for your verses to come. But, anyway.

You got shook out of your daze when you heard boos from the group, signifying that Edith had finished her verse. 

Jasmine quickly came in with the mic with the verse, “Burr, the revolution’s imminent, what do you stall for?”

Which meant it was your verse now. Oh my god, do something!

“If you stand for nothing Burr, what’ll you fall for?” you sang clumsily. Oh my god, people are cheering you on. And Lin is looking at you with the cutest grin you’ve ever seen. Focus!

“Oh, who are you?” Jasmine looked at you with a shocked face, her verse repeated by Edith then a high pitched Renee. 

In the course of this, Lin put his hands over the hoodie on his head with an adorable grin on his face, almost making you die internally. Why is he so cute?

“Oh, who is this kid, what’s he gonna do?” The three of them screamed as you took a deep breath.

“I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Hey yo, I’m just like my country, I’m young, scrappy and hungry, And I’m not throwing away my shot!” 

You all but screamed into the mic, getting whoops of support from the girls and Lin just fucking staring at you in awe. You realized it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be, and it was fun to show off one of your favorite songs of all time.

I’ma get a scholarship to King’s College  
I probably shouldn’t brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish  
The problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish  
I gotta holler just to be heard  
With every word, I drop knowledge  
I’m a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of coal  
Tryin’ to reach my goal my power of speech, unimpeachable  
Only nineteen but my mind is older  
These New York City streets get colder, I shoulder  
Every burden, every disadvantage  
I have learned to manage, I don’t have a gun to brandish  
I walk these streets famished  
The plan is to fan this spark into a flame  
But damn, it’s getting dark, so let me spell out the name  
I am the A-L-E-X-A-N-D-E-R we are meant to be  
A colony that runs independently  
Meanwhile, Britain keeps shittin’ on us endlessly  
Essentially, they tax us relentlessly  
Then King George turns around, runs a spending spree  
He ain’t ever gonna set his descendants free  
So there will be a revolution in this century  
Enter me, he says in parentheses  
Don’t be shocked when your history book mentions me  
I will lay down my life if it sets us free  
Eventually, you’ll see my ascendancy  
And I am not throwing away my shot  
I am not throwing away my shot  
Hey yo, I’m just like my country  
I’m young, scrappy and hungry  
And I’m not throwing away my shot  
I am not throwing away my shot  
I am not throwing away my shot  
Hey yo, I’m just like my country  
I’m young, scrappy and hungry  
And I’m not throwing away my shot  
It’s time to take a shot!”

“I dream of life without a monarchy  
The unrest in France will lead to onarchy?  
Onarchy how you say, how you say, anarchy?  
When I fight, I make the other side panicky  
With my, shot!”

“Yo, I’m a tailor’s apprentice  
And I got y’all knuckleheads in loco parentis  
I’m joining the rebellion 'cause I know it’s my chance  
To socially advance, instead of sewin’ some pants  
I’m gonna take a shot!”

“But we’ll never be truly free  
Until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me  
You and I. Do or die. Wait till I sally in  
On a stallion with the first black battalion  
Have another shot!”

“Geniuses, lower your voices  
You keep out of trouble and you double your choices  
I’m with you, but the situation is fraught  
You’ve got to be carefully taught  
If you talk, you’re gonna get shot.”

“Burr, check what we got  
Mister Lafayette, hard rock like Lancelot  
I think your pants look hot  
Laurens, I like you a lot  
Let’s hatch a plot blacker than the kettle callin’ the pot  
What are the odds the gods would put us all in one spot  
Poppin’ a squat on conventional wisdom, like it or not  
A bunch of revolutionary manumission abolitionists?  
Give me a position, show me where the ammunition is  
Oh, am I talkin’ too loud?  
Sometimes I get overexcited, shoot off at the mouth  
I never had a group of friends before  
I promise that I’ll make y’all proud  
Let’s get this guy in front of a crowd  
I am not throwing away my shot  
I am not throwing away my shot  
Hey yo, I’m just like my country  
I’m young, scrappy and hungry  
And I’m not throwing away my shot  
I am not throwing away my shot  
I am not throwing away my shot  
Hey yo, I’m just like my country  
I’m young, scrappy and hungry  
And I’m not throwing away my shot

“Everybody sing!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

“Hey!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

“Ay, let ‘em hear ya  
Let’s go!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

“I said shout it to the rooftops!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

“Said, to the rooftops!”

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

“Come on!”

There was suddenly a huge amount of screaming, and you realized you were finished. Lin had come from behind you and took your microphone screaming, “Good luck with the lotto!” and it was all completed. You completely fucking blanked out on the most eventful day of your life when you sang to a crowd of hundreds of people!

You weren’t really sure where to go, so you faced Alex who gave you a huge smile and a thumbs up, which you gratefully returned. You were barely aware of people shouting at you compliments along with Renee and the rest of the girls. 

You realized they were coming in from the same door you had come out of with Pippa, so you turned around to follow them when you suddenly felt a sharp pain in your eye and an elbow attached to Lin. His eyes immediately turned wide and his mouth was agape as he tried to form words.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” he yelled, which resulted in him wrapping you in a huge hug and planting a huge kiss to your forehead. All while Edith was trying to give you a hug. 

You clumsily gave her a small smile and an “It’s okay!” to Lin as he led you through the doors, his arm lazily slung across your shoulder. As you finally entered and you were able to breathe in and take in the fresh and thankfully conditioned air.

“What the fuck was that!” Jasmine pummeled you while you were still with Lin, which resulted in a three-way hug, which quickly turned into a 10 or 15-way hug.

You got all sorts of compliments, such as, “You were incredible!” - “I didn’t know you were a stunt double of Lin!” - “You should be his understudy!” - “You just put us all to shame with your rapping!” - “Hire her now, someone!” - “It was all Pippa’s idea and you did great in her place!”

“Wait, what?” you turned to Pippa, who gave a meek smile to you, yet you could tell she was nervous. “Was this all planned?”

“Well, Lin told me about when you first met at the airport you sang this song with him. So, I suggested to him you took my place since I was going to originally be him in the Ham4Ham,” she sputtered, taking an intake of breath before continuing. “I didn’t mean to make you nervous in any way, but I knew you would kill it and you totally got the flow of it! I hope you’re not mad-”

“Oh my god, I love you, Pippa Fucking Soo!” you gasped, lunging into her into a tight hug. She gladly returned it with as much gusto as the small crowd behind you cheering you on. 

As the two of you wrapped up the emotional hug, you heard someone clear their throat. As you turned around, it was Edith and Lexie standing next to Lin, all of them with nervous smiles on their face. You shot them a look of confusion, but Lexie waved her hand to Lin, signifying for him to start the talking.

“Um, well there’s something we need to tell you,” he whispered, taking a step toward you and taking your hand. “Well, here goes nothing. So! There’s something about the b-”

“Can we talk about this later? The brunch is awaiting us! Edith cried in a way too excited tone, grabbing you and Lexie’s arm, gesturing for Lin and the girls to come out along with them. 

They looked at each other in the course of confusion and then exasperated looks, before just shrugging and trotting along.

“Hold on! We aren’t invited?” Daveed pouted in the course of putting his best imitating of Lin’s puppy eyes, getting a scoff from Lin.

“Nope!” He cried, taking your hand in his again, tugging gently. Well, he clearly was in a rush to get out of here!

“You’re all invited to a signature HamFam karaoke night though!” You said as Lin opened the door for you. He looked at you in a shocked gaze, but you just waved him over.

“How about this Friday night. After the show. I predict that there will be lots of chugging and poor attempts at the dancing art of salsa. Also, you are all welcome to come and watch me fail miserably at an attempt to sing “Satisfied” drunkenly if dancing is not your thing! Because, when I’m drunk, there’s nothing holdin’ me back. Even more so than Shawn Mendes.”

Oh my god, did you really just do THAT?! Say that? Did you eat your peanut butter brownies too fast? Jesus, you must’ve listened to that Shawn Mendes song on repeat way longer than you should have. You covered your face in your hands and prepared for the teasing.

You heard a strangled giggle coming from behind you, following with streams of groaning and laughing. When you turned around and reluctantly moved your hands from your face, you saw Jasmine, Renee, Pippa, Lexie, Edith, AND Lin collapsing upon each other, wheezing from laughter. Soon enough, everyone else was laughing along with them. Shit.

“Oh my god, I just said that aloud!” you groaned.

You immediately put your hands back in place and rushed away. You knew you would be teased. You’re the stupidest person alive for saying more than needed. Continuing to talk when you didn’t need to. You felt a set of arms try to grab you, and you tried to shrug them off, but they were too strong for you and you got pulled back.

“Hey, it’s okay!” the voice you recognized as Daveed and Leslie shushed and coaxed you.

You felt someone gently remove your hands from your face and when you opened your eyes it was Lin. You tried turning your head away from him but he held his hands firmly against your face. Oh geez. Not the puppy eyes again.

“We’re not making fun babe, it’s just we’ve never heard you so confidently talk like that!” Lin said as Jasmine wrapped her arms around your shoulders.

“Yeah, it was almost as if you were gonna make a part 2 of the dressing room, but just straight up fuck Lin,” Jazzy coaxed, but it quickly turned into a fit a giggles form the two of you. Well, she did know a way to make you better. “Come on, I’m really starving girl!”

“You’re right. Brunch, here we go!” You agreed, walking out the door with your friends by your side.

\--

“So, a table for seven?” the way too nice attendant asked the group of you as she grabbed menus.

“Yeah, thank you so much!” you said as she led you outside to a group table.

It was adorned with what you presumed to be linen cloth and candles, which you thought was a bit touchy due to it being a cafe. But it was nice for a little change. The lady quickly put the pile of menus down on your table and quickly ran off to someplace.

The group of you took your seats. Four seats on one side, four on the other. Unfortunately, Jasmine probably saw something coming, so she plopped herself and Renee on each side next to Lin, leaving the sit in front of him open. The seat in front of him was surrounded by Pippa on your left and Lexie and Edith on your right. Smart idea. 

(A little chart for more visuals:

Renee Lin Jazzy Empty seat 

Pippa (Y/N) Lexie Edith)

Well, you wouldn’t be able to do anything sneaky with Jazzy and Lexie keeping the watch under the linen cloth. You gently took a seat next to them as Jaz shot a cheeky smirk. Lin seemed to realize this only now, as he shot you an exaggerated groan and scandalized look.

“You don’t trust us!” He cried out, taking your hand for dramatic effect.

“Definitely not!” The five girls said in unison. It made you snort about how they all could agree on one thing.

Lin seemed to drop this seeing that the two of you weren’t going to be trusted into sitting next to each other. You saw it as a good thing, you didn’t want to get kicked out of the cafe. You were pretty starving. He squeezed your hand in assurance as the two of you picked up your menus, scheming through the pictures of food that looked all delicious. You weren’t sure what to choose, you had never been here before and you knew you wouldn’t be able to order everything and eat all of it!

“God, everything looks so delicious!” Edith moaned as she was looking intently at an eggs benedict and bacon entree. 

“Right? What to chooseee!” Jazzy groaned.

“I agree,” Lin murmurs, pointing at a chocolate chip pancake picture (that indeed had whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and strawberries as a nice touch) and a shrimp and grits meal. “Split with me?”

“I have been craving seafood for a while, so let’s do it!” you say as the nice waitress lady came back looking quite disheveled.

“Sorry, there was a little incident by the bar. Anyway, would you like anything to drink? We have a great selection of wines, beers, champagne, vodka-”

“We’ll all get vodka with lime,” Lin said, pointing at a drink section in the menu. Specifically, a vodka that was $30 per pint. “Three pints.”

“What the fuck?” you mouthed to him.

“Trust me!” he whispered back. 

The lady nodded as if 3 pints of alcohol were typical for a group of only 7. “Alright, are you guys ready to order then?”

You nodded slightly. “I’m going to get the chocolate chip pancake and the shrimp and grits meal. Both with bacon, one of the eggs scramble and the other one sunny side up. For me and him, by the way.” You pointed to Lin.

She gave a small smile, probably realizing now that the two of you were a couple. Lin just looked at you shocked, mouthing, “How did you know I liked sunny side up eggs?”

You just smirked while mouthing back, “I just had a feeling.”

At the middle of this, the lady had finished writing down your order, while taking the two of your menus and taking the orders of your friends. Surprisingly, they had all made up their minds, following suit after you and Lin. The lady promised to bring your drinks as soon as possible and rushed away back inside.

Pippa took that opportunity of silence to start a conversation to you and Lin. “So, are the two of you a new thing? It was only like yesterday we met you and you guys are…?” she paused, probably waiting for you to confirm her theory.

“Yeah kinda, he asked me today and…” you were hesitant to tell them about your fling with him the day before, but you had to pull through. “We sorta figured out we had feelings for each other yesterday, and before that…”

You explained every detail of your relationship to him. The airport. Texting him your first two weeks here. The coffee shop. His apartment. What went on behind the scenes before you actually met the cast, but after you entered.

“Hold up,” Lexie raised her hands in surprise, but she looked crazy happy. “Are you telling me you were almost going to break the sex-at-the-theater bet before the whole dressing room thing? A bet that has been unbroken for 2 years in a row?”

When you looked up to see’s Lin’s reaction to the whole thing, his face was completely beet red. You probably had the same look on his face, but it was funny to see a blush on his face for a change. But, you did wonder what Lexie had meant by the unbroken bet. But that was for later. 

You waved your hand to Lin as a signal to continue for you. He looked incredibly embarrassed, yet 

“Um, yeah. But I didn’t want to break another bet I agreed-”

At that moment, the waiter came back to your table with a tray of the pitchers of vodka, along with a tray of limes and glasses. “I hope you enjoy, your food will be out shortly!”

“Thank you so much!” Renee said, grabbing a glass and putting the lime on the rim of it. The lady took that as her queue to leave, gingerly closing the door behind her when you could hear yells coming from the inside.

“Poor lady,” you sighed, wondering what the racket was about. You swore you could hear glass shattering, but you decided not to reflect on it as you poured some of the vodkas from the pitcher into your cup, squeezing some lime into it and taking a sip.

“Oh shit.” You threw your head back, letting the drink flow for a while and taking a large gulp. 

“That good?” Pippa laughed, copying your actions and taking a sip. She closed her eyes for a moment before saying calmly, “Lin, I need you to come with me to every restaurant I go to suggest drinks. This is the best shit I’ve-”

One look from Jazzy and Edith and the table had snorted into laughter before Pippa could even finish her sentence. The drink really seemed to be getting to you, as you laughed more endearingly and lightheartedly than you usually did. Guess you had to be careful.

“Let’s hope we don’t get too drunk for our show!” Jasmine said after raising her glass in the air. “Raise a glass to freedom?”

“Of course!” Lin cheered, raising his own just-poured glass. The rest of the table followed suit, clinking their glasses together. “Something they could never take away-”

“Oh shut up and take a drink!” you said impatiently, bringing the glass to your back and gulping down some more. Lin just laughed at your impatience, bringing the drink to his mouth. 

“You were right Pippa, I am a force not to be reckoned with in the category of alcoholic beverages!” - “I never said that!” - “You implied it!”

“Well, back to that story Lin, about us,” you clarified. “What about that bet were you-”

*Ringtone of your favorite song*

“Oh, shit. That’s probably my coworker Liz. I didn’t tell her about my sickness on Friday. I should take it.” You quietly excused yourself, going out of eavesdropping distance and picking up the phone. “Hey Liz, I’m sorry I-”

“This isn’t Liz. You know that (insert silly childhood nickname).” A sharp tone that you thought you’d never heard again shot at you.

You were speechless. You weren’t really sure what to say, and even if you’d ever wanted to. When she realized you wouldn’t say anything, she seemed to be getting impatient.

“Come on, (Y/N). You don’t have anything to say to your big sister?”

“Hi, Madeline.” You shot angrily at her. She calls now of all times? “What do you want this time?”

“Funny you’d ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally ran out of space in my chapter notes but thank you so much for sticking with me. Comments and kudos are loved and appreciated! Also, here's the link to the ham4ham to which I was inspired by. Made a few tweaks but I hope you enjoy the beautiful performance. 
> 
> https://youtu.be/Tbfws-YZQu4?list=PLK1wqzZ8S6RxnrbaefBuXklU2q96HnsWp


	11. Or Not about Forgetting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my body hates me because I have been officially sick since late Feburrary (catch my joke?). I've seemingly battled a lot: a cool rash that one in two thousand could develop a sort of herpes from and if I get it again I might be the lucky winner (cool!), I battled a tough menstrual cycle and the feeling of knives in my gut (very cool! can't wait to see that again for the next 35 years!), I got the false alarm of pink eye. Good news, but I don't like the allergy drops that burn my eyes and leave them throbbing to keep the threat and the allergy symptom away (way cool!), waiting at the hospital for 3 hours with the recurrent visit of the yummy throw up we all know and love until 1 am (amazing!), the nurse thought that just because my menstrual cycle is new, apparently means I have the sudden urge of having sex with unattractive guys in the prison of hell (he gave me an anti-nausea candy pill, so we were cool after. Can't blame him for having to ask personal questions, he looked extremely tired and not interested in having to ask nauseous/slowly dying young ladies this.), and after ALL the embarrassment of parents looking at my dad weird because he snored loud in the lobby, I got prescribed NOTHING. Still here dying.

“Is everything alright, (Y/N)?” Renee questioned you as you shakily sat in your seat.

“Um, yeah. It’s all good,” you said, realizing that your food had already come, as they were all pretty much halfway done with their food

The call must’ve taken longer than you thought it had. Thankfully, Lin had probably known and had already split your entrees with you. 

“Just a call from my sister.”

Lin, who had been on his phone, shot up to meet your gaze with an unreadable expression. “She called you? I thought your siblings-”

“I thought so too, but I guess not.” You groaned, not wanting to talk about it. Thankfully, he seemed to drop it, though he would probably ask when the two of you were alone.

“Your sister?” Lexie looked at you in a worried gaze. Great.

You had talked to her a while ago about your complicated relationship with your siblings, specifically Madeline. Stephan (If you know you know) was okay, but the two of you don’t talk.

“Yup, Madeline of all people called.”

“Wait, what’s wrong with your sister?” Pippa nervously asked, she probably could sense the tense aura around you.

“Well, she wants to visit me. With Stephan.” The addition of your brother coming along was the only good news to this.

“Isn’t this a good thing?” Edith suggested. 

“Well yeah, I’m just worried about Madeline. You and Lex know very well she has almost made a point at reflecting on my mistakes.” 

“Yep,” Lexie murmured as she took a bite of her french toast. “Annoying and

“You have been wanting to see Stephan at least and catch up with him. He’s probably graduated college by now.”

Oh shit. She was right. You haven’t seen him since he was 15. He’s probably 21 by now.

“You’re right,” you choked out. Why did this make you feel emotional now, of all time? “That’s probably why I accepted.”

“Really?” Lexie said. “I’m excited to see them again. Maybe this time Madeline will be nicer?”

“I hope so,” you took that as the end of the conversation, finally taking a bite of the piece of chocolate pancakes Lin had split with you. “Enough of emotional stuff, let’s eat!”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Pippa questioned you with a concerned look on her face. You gave her a slight nod and she seemed to understand. She’d probably press you later.

There was a tense silence that followed. You tried to forget about it as you started shoveling the crazy good food in your mouth to keep you distracted. There was the fact that you never chose to come to terms with, yet you knew you should. It was always about ignoring it.

But it was killing you. Very deep inside. You could barely sense it, all the tenseness building form all your years of pain and suffering. The betrayal and disgust from your former friend and family that you thought you could trust. It was taking enormous amounts of strain from your body letting out.

It has always been this way. All your life, you always had the habit of not dwelling on the ever-growing mountain of your problems. There had been only one time you had let your pain come out, by rebelling and setting your own standards in your immature and delusional mindset. 

That mindset had cost you your relationship with your little brother that trusted and relied on you. Your sister, her annoying personality and attitude, but a perfect shoulder to cry on and rely on. You had lost all self-confidence in yourself, any hope that things would get better. It had taken you years to get to where you were, along with the help of your friends. 

But with the new problem of seeing your sister Madeline for the first time since the horrible fight you had before you got kicked out, you weren’t sure how much stress you could handle. You were especially nervous to even comprehend his reaction after you having to explain to Stephan about your complication. 

But, no matter how he reacted, you knew Madeline would make things worse. You would have to introduce her in some way or another to Lin and maybe your friends in the cast. She would criticize you in front of them, and you weren’t sure how long it would take before you blew your lid. You knew it would get to you eventually, but Madeline’s arrival to New York would push the handle. And you knew when you did decide to dwell on it or get more problems, it would crush you even more.

You knew by this point you really needed to calm down, you had just realized your had was formed in a tight fist on your lap where your phone was. Your phone had multiple notifications, especially from Twitter. There were multiple new followers, unsurprisingly from the hectic day you’ve had. There were also many threads ranting about how cute Lin and you were and conversation about all the photographs of you two.

Unbeknownst to you in your daze, small talk had started between Pippa and Lexie and Edith and Renee. It was a little strange because Pippa and Lexie were sitting on each side of you, so they literally were speaking in front of you. With Renee and Edith, they sat on opposite ends, so they were almost yelling from across the table as the two groups were talking about the previous show the night before and their favorite flops. You gotta do what you gotta do!

Lin and Jasmine were both on their phones, though you suspected they were probably receiving notifications of their own. You decided to do some more digging on your twitter. As you scrolled through your feed, you found one GIF that Jasmine and Lin had liked of you and the girls clapping your hands during the John Laurens’ revolutionary squeals. You liked it as well, you found that part of the song to be cute yet motivating.

You scrolled and continued to like some GIFS you found of faces Lin made as he watched you rapping. People had added the excessive heart emojis around his face or just a heart around the two of you. But eventually, you found a stream of tweets that caught your eye. It seemed pretty recent.

@Hamilton4Life: Look at these cuties! When will it be officially confirmed @LinManuel *insert clip of you and Lin being cute*  
|  
@DaveedDiggs: You should’ve seen what happened behind the scenes (; @You @LinManuel @Hamilton4Life *gif of a guy with a mischievous gaze and a wink with the words naughty*  
|  
@JasmineCephasJones: I’m anxious to ask Y/N if Lin is as talented in bed as he is in everything else, but I don’t even want to think about what her answer would be @You   
|  
@JasmineCephasJones: p.s. The way Lin was staring at (Y/N) as she finished her share of their entrees in less than 10 minutes was the cutest thing I think I’ve ever seen. Other than Nala when she cuddles with me. *Insert picture of Lin looking at you from across the table with puppy eyes while you are unaware of any of this on your phone*  
|  
@DaveedDiggs: Well now I know who to invite to a world food eating competition. Impressive!

“Oh my god, Jazzy, what have you created!” You tore yourself from your screen to see Jazzy trying to hold down a laugh.

“That was probably the best thread I’ve ever been a part of. But those puppy eyes!”

“Wait, what?!” Lin looked at you for some sort of information. You turned your screen and let him read the thread. “Jasmine, I swear I’m gonna kill you.”

“Nah, I think you’re also wondering what (Y/N) has to say about her sexual experience. You know, all the aspects. Arousal, steaminess, all the jazz.”

By then, both of your cheeks had turned a dangerous color of red. The small talk from the other girls had long ago stopped and they were staring at the two of you, probably waiting for any information on that.

“Let’s just say it checks all the necessary boxes, plus a few bells and whistles as a bonus,” Lin said in a surprisingly cautious manner, although he looked deeply embarrassed with the blush still prominent on his cheeks. “I love her for more than just that though.”

“Phew, glad to hear it’s not a one-way street.” You said, entwining your hand in his across the table. You turned your attention back to the girls. “But that’s all your gonna hear from us.”

“Aw, you guys are made for each other!” Pippa squealed. “I think it’s time for a little officiation hinting for the twitter? I mean, playing those games you play with them, Lin.”

She raised her phone in a waving manner and a dashing smile. But the moment did seem right. Lin gave your hand a squeeze of some sort of compassion and a wink, so that must’ve meant something.

“I agree, photo?” you gestured to Pippa, who leaned a little farther to get the whole group in the camera. She put the camera in selfie mode, adjusting her face so she wasn’t blocking everyone. As she yelled, “Cheese!” Lin raised your entwined hands a little higher to get into the photo. 

Ah. For Twitter.

“Alright, send it to me?” Lin peered over Pippa’s shoulder to check the photo. “Aw, you look really cute, (Y/N)!”

“You look rather dashing yourself, Lin.” You remarked, yet his compliment left your heart soaring.

The photo was quickly sent to the two of you and with your permission ability to post the picture and become his profile pic and background for everything. You found it sweet, but you didn’t really think a picture of you everywhere would do good for his brain cells.

To seemingly disrupt your negative thoughts, the nice waiter came back with her check and proceeded to start clearing out your table. You started to reach for the bill, hoping that nobody would notice as they all were stuffed and on their phone. But as if Lin had read your mind, he snatched the bill from the table and went back to typing while peering at the check. 

You tried again to slowly peer over his shoulder to see the price, seeing that he had seemingly finished writing what he typed his caption. You made sure to look casual as he peered over his shoulder every once in a while to check on you while he started the paperwork. When the moment came that you thought you had the chance, he caught you and shooed you away, unfortunately also covering up the booklet of the bill in the process.

As you finally gave up, with snickers at your attempt from Renee, you noticed the lady still cleaning up your table. You stacked your and Lin’s plates, along with your silverware and cups and nudged it in her direction. She gave you a slight nod of gratitude. 

You decided to sneak out a 10 dollar bill out of your pocket and pushed it behind the stack of silverware. That was more than most of those waitresses get paid normally. Unfortunately, she noticed it quickly and tried to hand you back, but you refused.

“He’s definitely not going to let me pay, so the least I could do to show my appreciation.”

“That’s okay, hon. Keep it as good luck.”

“No, it’s fine. I want you to have good luck!”

“Well, thank you, darling. Tell your boyfriend to treat you right, girls like you don’t come around as much anymore.” She nodded toward Lin, who had put out his ever popular Hamilton wallet and slapped out a credit card, putting it in a pocket of the booklet along with the paper bill.

“You bet.” You smiled as he gathered some tips from the rest of the group and nodded to the waiter.

“Thank you so much, have a wonderful night!” The waiter smiled as she sped walked away back into the restaurant.

As the group stood up and slowly walked to the exit, you took into account how much time had gone by. The sun was setting already. From all the food and that vodka you’d had, you were getting sleepy fast. From getting out the exit, you had your head on Lin’s shoulder as the group huddled into a circle.

“What a day, huh?” Renee yawned, her arms wrapped Jasmine as she was apparently in a call with Anthony. She was currently asking about Nala the dog she had mentioned earlier, along with some high pitched barks from the other side and some cooing from her about how cute she was.

“Yeah, I should probably be heading home, work tomorrow.” You sighed, pulling Lin closer for some kind of warmth in your flimsy hoodie. 

You were unaware of how much alcohol he had consumed while you were gone in that call, but it became clear when he tugged you toward him, his breath hitting the back of your neck. You decided to just go along with his wishes, leaning back so your neck touched his shoulder and your body was flush against his.

Poor Lexie and Edith, they hadn’t witnessed the infamous dressing room phenomenon, as their eyes were as wide as saucers. They didn’t take their eyes off the two of you even when an emergency vehicle came blaring down the street, instead of watching Lin as he put his mouth on your ear. Pippa and the girls, however, were probably used to this as the three were talking on their phone for a group taxi. 

“Stay tonight?” He whispered.

Lin’s hands traveled his way around your waist at the middle of this, sneaking them under the hem of your sweater and tracing patterns on the skin of your back. Your breath had hitched when his hand traced around the hem of your shorts in a circular motion.

“Lin, I have work, you know that.” You loosely grabbed a hold of his hair as he peppered kisses on your earlobe, your jaw. 

You were falling apart and he knew it as he chuckled against your skin.

“Yeah I know, but just grab stuff from your apartment quick. There have been things popping up that I think we should-” He faltered, turning and meeting your eyes. Although the two of you were getting drunker by the second, you knew he was being true.

“Ahem! AHEM!” The two of you turned your attention back the Lexie and Edith, who were pointing to two taxi cabs. The girls had successfully hailed a cab.

“Wanna catch a ride or no?” Lexie questioned as Edith hopped in backseat of the taxi along with Renee and Jasmine, but where was Pippa?

“Yeah, but where Pip?” Lin questioned before you, looking a bit breathless as you were feeling.

“She’s gonna go with the two of you. Rafa’s not feeling well, she’s gonna take tonight off.”

“Oh alright, thanks, Lexie.”

“You’re welcome, I’m feeling quite surprised from that moment I witnessed for my very eyes. But, the girls all agree that you two work well together, though we might have to keep you far apart from getting touchy feely! I’m really happy for the two of you, and I better see my flower girl outfit idea coming soon.” 

“Hmm, that’s easy. You know what I’ve wanted my wedding details to look like, so you could order your own if you wanted to!” you teased, locking arms with Lin as you saw Pippa trotting over to the two of you. 

“Well, that’s relieving. Phew! You guys have fun, and don’t be getting too naughty! Come home by at least 5:00 after work tomorrow!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on them when the driver drops them off at their house. Rafa’s in a hotel a little deeper in Brooklyn, so it’ll be a trip. See you guys at work tomorrow as well!”

“See you Lex-Lex,” you trotted toward her, wrapping her in a hug. “You be safe with that Ben guy. I had about all the fun you two had.”

“Oh shut up, *insert that Madeline childhood nickname again*!”

She looked genuinely happy about the hug, giving you a tight squeeze as she trotted away in her hilarious waddle. As she opened the door, she flashed another smile, and when the two of you captured each other’s gazes, you could see her inner worry in there still. But, you gave her a nod and a wink to what she had said earlier. Her smile widened as she slides into the taxi, who quickly tore off.

“Ugh, I’m still exhausted from all the love and emotions I just felt in one scene,” you complained, opening the backseat and hopping in. “Coming?”

“Yeah, gimme a sec!” Pippa said, carefully stepping in the car to avoid the puddle that you hadn’t seen there before. As she took her seat, she heaved a sigh. “Long day, huh?”

“Agreed, unfortunately, work is to come.”

“That’s always there, (Y/N). I feel a lot of stress from other things you know!”

“Who doesn’t.” You peered into your window briefly as Lin hopped in the front seat, telling the driver directions.

After a moment of silence, you realized you had been acting really rash to Pippa for no reason. The stress she had mentioned probably had been piling up on you. Well, no doubt it has. But the weight of trying to forget about it has been bringing you down.

“Sorry, there’s just a lot of things I’ve been locking up in my mind.” You whispered, realizing that Lin had fallen asleep as the taxi made a turn into a street you knew. Time with Pippa had been going by incredibly fast for how short you had been there.

“I understand, don’t worry,” She took a squeeze of your resting hand in assurance. “Just try to face them, you know? Trying to shove them all down is going to make you incredibly stressed. Eventually, you make rash decisions in your life, and it all just comes crashing down. People betray you, although it’s not always their fault. I’ve experienced it before, with-uhm-”

“Rafa?” You took a hold of her hand and looked at her. You knew you had reached the right answer, as she stared blankly at her legs. “On and off situation, huh?”

Her eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t like to think about that sometimes. I love Rafa, like crazy. It’s just, he’s gone so often with Daveed at parties and interviews for Central Intelligence-”

“You mean the Rafael Casal?” You gasped. You had loved his role in that movie. Daveed was pretty good too, but damn. You weren’t able to take his eyes off him at the movie theater.

“The one and only.”

You truly felt bad for her, but you weren’t sure what to say. But you have had a very similar situation with a particular guy.

“I can relate, Phillipa.” you nudged yourself closer to her so she couldn’t avoid your gaze. The look she was giving you was an exact mirror image of your own: Fear, guilt, desperation. 

“My first relationship, and recently not my last, was similar. Well, not a celebrity. The two of us were put in a tricky situation, and he eventually started using excessive amounts of alcohol to try and ease that. It eventually took me in too. But, he didn’t want to fix himself when I did. I made my rash decisions, and he eventually cheated on me. It wasn’t really his fault, but I felt betrayed. Fear from what would happen to him. Desperation for something to cling to. Fear that you weren’t able to do what you could. I mean, even after going through that and started with Lin, I’m afraid I will do something wrong and start something. Or he might betray me. And I’m not alone in being through a lot in my life. I would understand, but I don’t know if I could go through that again.”

You gasped from the excessive personal information you just shared. Even Lexie and Edith didn’t know of the worries you were starting to have about Lin. But Pippa seemed to understand, of course, she understood. The two of you were going through shit.

“That really sucks. I’m sorry that sounds so bad and pitiful, but it really does. But don’t be afraid about Lin, the most important thing about Lin that separates him from most guys I’ve met is how compassionate he is. If he accidentally bumps you in the hallway, you will never hear the end of his apologies. Once, through Helpless, he whispered to me every breath he got ‘I’m sorry’ because he stepped on my heel on the stairwell and got a teeny of fresh coffee on my shirt. I can’t even imagine what he would do if he disappointed you or betrayed you because of his sometimes rash behavior. Being with the past lover that was only using him and left him as nothing, he was miserable and made some horrible mistakes. I swear with my life though, he would say sorry for two weeks straight, cry himself to bed every night but would only think about his mistakes, and try in every way to make you smile again if that is what it would take to even consider him an acquaintance.”

“Shit.” What the fuck? Where you some word machine just 2 seconds ago, and all you could say was ‘shit’ to your lover, who you were smitten and cared for very much?

You tried to gather your thoughts. “That sounds like a major problem. But that sounds like something I would do. I couldn’t bear to see him crying because of some tiny thing he did to me, even if it was as big of agreeing to some bet or something-”

“Well, here we are.” You slowly turned your head to find a glimpse of what Pippa had been talking about: A tearful Lin staring at you with his beady eyes. You couldn’t comprehend anything. “I agreed to the bet. I swore I should’ve told you, but I was so scared I would lose the girl that I saw cry in front of me because of her past and her friends betraying her because I was a part of it. I drunkenly and somehow agreed to that mother fucking bet, and you’re going to kill me, and I’m going to find myself toppling off some sort of fucking tower because I fucking hurt your feelings just after you forgave everyone for the whole thing-”

“Lin, stop.” You wiped your eyes quickly to find Lin, who had, unfortunately, was frozen and unable to wipe the stream of tears of sorrow tumbling down on his hoodie. “I just need a moment to decipher this shit.”

You looked to Pippa, who was looking at Lin with rage and with pity, and reality went spiraling into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, had to use up my limit of 1250 words to fit my ever growing rants about how my life sucks. Didn't want to use the chapter summary because that would've looked weird. If you see me freaking out and ranting with my cake over my favorite stories, you'll have to excuse me because they are literally curing my soul. Actually being able to read, standing up and freaking out about the chapter without feeling nauseous or fainting is a BLESSING. The power of reading and writing is weird but great. Anyway, literally typed this up all I could when I wasn't feeling like shit and a useless bed burrito, couch potato, or a hogging toilet and shower user, so my writing may be tinted with my sorrows and deep thoughts of how complex everything has to be. Love you guys ever more and once I fight this I will be fighting the writer's block and the temptation to eat another slice of cake to write. Sorry for the ending though, but it's all coming together. Finally, my sick mind finally had the guts to start messing up what we built a bit! Comments and kudos as always appreciated (:


	12. Anywhere the Wind Blows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been listening to Queen too much, especially Bohemian Rhapsody (totally ignoring the fact that my guitar recital finale is that song, and I should be studying the operatic section of my music this week) which paid homage in the chapter title. Honestly, school before the long-dreaded final tests and EOC's is SHIT. So much cramming and yucky stuff. It has also been helping in my more-than-usual writer's block, so thanks school. Anyway, I am holding on to the future of Grad-Venture (Universal and Islands of Adventure until 1am-Whoop! Only 18 more days to go!) and my 8th grade social (lots of food, dancing with my high heels off and photo booths to look forward to!) and Ariana Grande's Sweetener Tour on my last day of middle school (whaaaa freshman year is gonna suck!) But this story keeps me sane, and I could never abandon it. The real angsty shit is to come so please pick up lots of comfort food in preparation (:

“Oh my fucking god Lin, you made her pass out!” 

Pippa had her fiery eyes pinned to Lin, and he wasn’t sure what to do. Cry, or try to explain himself? Either one seemed pathetic to try and attempt with the glare Pippa had. He knew it was his fault to put all of that sudden revelation on (Y/N), but he couldn’t bear hiding that from her anymore. 

Now, her eyes were rolled to the back of her head and she was giggling and murmuring in her sleep. Pippa had situated her so she was leaning against the taxi window, but one slam on the brakes and she would be sent flying. 

He was silent in the midst of this, trying to read Pippa’s mind as she waited for some sort of a remark from him. He knew there was nothing to say at that moment, it was his fault she had fainted, but he wasn’t sure what to do. 

When she realized he wouldn’t say anything, she took that as a sign to continue. She was about to yell, but she took a deep intake of breath, realizing that he was probably close to passing out himself.

“Listen, Lin, you fucked up real good. Probably even worse than with-” she paused, realizing that talking about Karen would be much worse for his health. “But, I am willing to help you, because although you made a mistake, it was a drunken mistake. And I can tell that (Y/N) got drunk tonight, so talking to her now would probably be useless. Talking to her tomorrow would be better, but I’m coming with you to monitor.”

“Are you serious?” Lin questioned her, but he could tell she was dead serious. His voice played with a dazed tone to it, and he saw Pippa’s eyes widen in realization.

“Oh shit, you’re drunk too, aren’t you? That’s why you told her.”

“Nah,” He tried saying serious, but he could feel something churning inside him that he knew he’s had many times before. Particularly nights he spent wasted with Alex and Daveed weeping about Karen. He knew Pippa was right. “Never mind. But I still need to talk to her, I’ve been keeping things inside of me for too long, and so has she. And we’re going to my apartment by the way, though we’re going to get her stuff from her apartment.”

“You’re serious about this about this, around you?” Pippa questioned, though there wasn’t fire in her eyes, or just not as strong as it was before. “I’m not sure it would be good for either of you if you attempted to talk to her when, clearly, the two of you are wasted.”

“And you’re serious about watching the two of us?” Lin questioned in the same tone, but he knew the two of them were right. 

“I guess I am,” Pippa said, adjusting (Y/N) so she was leaning against her shoulder. “I think this will be good for you. The two of you, I mean.”

“How can you be so sure?” Lin questioned, realizing now that the driver had probably heard the whole conversation. Probably thought that the group was a bunch of dorks. Thankfully, he had put in his headphones, which Lin was very grateful for. They had probably made enough of fools of themselves already.

“Were you awake while I talked to her?” Pippa looked at (Y/N), her snores softly interrupting the silence in the taxi. 

Pippa took into account the way he looked at her while processing her question. She could see the tender affection from a mile away, with a touch of sadness and regret that he would soon lose the pleasure of all this.

Of course, she felt bad for him, they were husband and wife every day on stage, and they were very close. But he knew he needed to move on before trying a new relationship. He had called Lexie’s and Edith’s bluff about (Y/N) and claims that he was not over Karen and he wasn’t ready for another relationship, nonetheless leading to the bet of how long it would take for them to hook up. (Y/N)’s friends must’ve recognized Lin wasn’t ready and tried to put boundaries.

Lin did eventually answer, slowly and cautiously as if he had his own thoughts on his mind. Heck, he probably had every thought racing through his mind. 

“No, but as I was starting to fall asleep I could tell the two of you were talking seriously,” he tucked a strand of hair from his face.

His face was contorted in a brave attempt of seriousness, but it all crumbled. Pippa knew he had something serious to ask, but it seemed like he wasn’t sure if he could cope with it.

“Do you think I’m ready for a relationship again?”

The question hit Pippa like a brick. She couldn’t doubt he had improved the months following her telling him to stop sulking and getting drunk every night. It had greatly improved even more when he had met (Y/N). She knew when she first met her in her shared apartment with Lexie and Edith why he talked about her all the time. She had a radiant aura of some sort, that could attract the most sulking people, especially Lin in the days prior. She knew the two of them were very happy together, every time they kissed or shared a glance, it was like the world faded away. Pippa knew (Y/N) was very happy with him too.

But he hadn’t completely gotten rid of Karen when they met. She knew that burden was still there in him, and he had to get rid of it. Same with (Y/N), she still hasn’t completely let loose Brandon, from the way she described their situation. There was sadness, with a touch of fondness and regret of that fondness. Pippa knew that she had to be honest with Lin.

“You guys are great for each other. Like, the relationship you and Karen had through the year you were dating could never compare to what I’ve seen. (Y/N) understands you’re a success, you have an ever-rising career, and she can look past that and love you for the way you are. In your crazy, dorky, quirky personality, your looks too. But the two of you have gone through so much other than those broken relationships. And I can tell you guys have been taking it fast. You should slow down, work out those things you’ve been conceding in yourself, and you can gain trust and nice friendship.”

Lin took his time processing the information Pippa shared. But he knew every word she had said was true. He had understood. But moving on seemed so far from his reach, and talking about his past and other mistakes weren’t his specialty. Rapping about the life of Alexander Hamilton was simple since he wrote it. But he wasn’t sure where life would be taking him. But he could start somewhere.

The taxi driver came to a stop in front of (Y/N)’s apartment, taking out his headphones to say the price and if they needed any help with anything else.

“Uh, I’m just getting stuff for my friend, but could you take us somewhere else if you don’t mind?” Pippa spoke up, gesturing to (Y/N)’s snoring figure. 

The taxi driver sighed for a moment, before nodding and going into a conversation with Lin about the next stop. Pippa quickly got directions from Lin to (Y/N)’s apartment and got the key from her backpack and trudged in the complex. Once inside, she quickly found her room and opened her closet door. 

It seemed wrong to be snooping in her stuff, but it was for her own good. She grabbed an apron with a symbol to (Y/N)’s an apparent job at a bakery that she recognized, along with a turtleneck and a pair of jeans. She grabbed an extra outfit and underwear, got a toothbrush from her private bathroom before getting too grossed out in snooping in her closet, and quickly ran out her door.

She practically ran to the car with the pile of stuff she had grabbed, passing it to Lin who had taken her place in the back seat. He had situated (Y/N) on his lap, using her backpack as a pillow. Lin quickly shoved the clothes in her backpack without disturbing her in her sleep as he stroked her hair absently. Pippa took a seat in the front, giving a thumbs up to the driver, and he headed on his way.

The ride was quiet for the most part, other than the occasional loud snore from (Y/N) or a deep intake of breath from Lin. Pippa would occasionally look into the driver’s mirror to check on Lin, and after a few times he had fallen asleep, his head against the window and his arms cradling (Y/N). Even she had gotten comfortable in her sleep, as she had her body resting on his chest, her face tucked in his neck. Pippa smiled softly as she found herself falling asleep on her own.

A heartbeat later, they had arrived at Lin’s apartment, and Pippa numbly exited the car. Lin came in after her, carrying a dazed (Y/N) out of the car. She seemed awake but barely conscious and aware of what was going on

“Mjmhjmmh,” she groaned, leaning against Lin in support. 

Pippa grabbed her backpack from Lin’s hands, putting on her back as she took (Y/N)’s weight. He looked grateful as he ran back to the car to pay the driver. As he walked back, with the driver speeding away, he gently took the other half of (Y/N)’s weight and started to guide Pippa towards his apartment building.

“This is different, huh?” Pippa smirked as they slowly walked to the elevator. Lin pressed the elevator door, taking his time to respond.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I just hope she isn’t too hungover in the morning. I should’ve have bought so much of that vodka.”

“Well, it was pretty great, and she wasn’t the only one that got drunk,” Pippa remarked. “Jasmine and Renee seemed pretty exhausted. I wonder how they’re doing at the theater.”

Lin laughed as the elevator dinged, the doors sliding open. 

“Yeah, we should be getting to bed soon anyway. You can take the guest room and I’ll keep watch of her in my room.” He gestured to (Y/N) as he pressed the button of his floor.

“Agreed, that would probably be best,” Pippa yawned heavily, she realized she had been more exhausted than she had thought. “But I’m still watching you, mister!”

She tried to joke with him to bring his hopes up, but she only made him think about the current situation. His head hung long as she felt the silence in the air becoming overbearing. The pressure of the elevator going up was making Pippa’s head dizzy as she tried to come up with something to say.

“Sorry,” Pippa murmured as the elevator door thankfully swung open. The two started slowly walking down the corridor. “I’m just hoping this all turns out well, even for you. I don’t want you to be brokenhearted either.”

“No, I’m sorry also,” Lin whispered as they reached his apartment door. He fumbled with the keys as he gingerly opened the door widely. “I just don’t want to think about it right now, okay?”

“Okay, Lin.” Pippa let her free arm rub Lin’s shoulder in assurance, and he gave her a small smile in return. 

“We should probably hit the hay, huh?” He yawned as he took (Y/N)’s weight from Pippa. “You can take a shower if you want, I’ll do the rest. It is the least I could do.”

The words were unspoken, but they rang loud and clear. Since he was the one who caused all of this.

“Lin-” Pippa started, but Lin had already whispered goodnight and headed off in the hallway.

He was right though. They should probably be getting to sleep. 

Pippa found the guest room quite easily and located an unused toothbrush in the bathroom. When she came out feeling a little more refreshed from the cleanup in the restroom, she cautiously took a peak in Lin’s bedroom door. She could see him tucking (Y/N) into his bed, leaving a gentle kiss on her forehead as he took his place in the far opposite corner.

Pippa sighed. This wasn’t her business to be peeking without his permission, she should be going to bed anyway. She reluctantly hopped into the guest bed, praying that she wouldn’t wake up to screaming and crying in the morning. We’d only have to find out.

 

\--

 

When you regained consciousness, you were wrapped in sheets you immediately recognize, and a figure lying uncomfortably far from you that you could never forget. A cold feeling settled in you as you stood up in surprise, trying to grasp any memory you could get from the night before.

All you could get was your heart breaking into a million pieces. But that didn’t make any sense, would it? 

No, it wouldn’t. Lin Loves you.

You could believe that, so you put that thought aside, figuring it was only a dream. But you only hoped that the cold feeling you had was only from Lin’s radiator being off.

You started getting a grasp of the scattered voices of Pippa and Lin talking quietly struggling to get you somewhere last night. Probably up here to Lin’s apartment, since the view from your window was a high up apartment in Manhattan that you recognized from your few visits. You rubbed your arms, realizing the cold feeling was just you missing the warmth of Lin, not his radiator being off. Right?

You quietly unswaddled yourself from the cold sheets and stood to look at your surroundings. Lin was knocked out completely, looking uncomfortable at the very edge of the bed and his hair a mess. You weren’t sure why he had opted to sleep so far away from you, maybe he had a tough night? Or something more serious…

“Oh forget about it!” You shushed yourself, locating your backpack near his desk to find your phone.

You kneeled down, opening the zipper of your backpack when you find a pile of clothes that you recognized as your own. You smiled, realizing it was probably Pippa’s doing. You silently thanked above that she was such a good friend to you as you surveyed what you had.

Oh shit. She had brought your most embarrassing piece of clothing: a lace romper bodysuit that you had stole from your sister from spite when you moved. You found it pretty cute yourself, but it was way too sexy for your taste. It would probably look horrific on yourself, you had never had the guts to try and wear it anyway.

It reminded you how Madeline had a collection of these, each for one of her multiple exes she had boughten when she had dated them. It was probably her most modest one, you had seen many that had deep V necks and looked way too tight, along with lingerie with harnesses along the legs. But it was something, and you didn’t really have much time to think about it when you stole it. 

You supposed it wasn’t the worst thing you owned, and you still had lots of time until you had to go to work. You felt bad for having to sleep in Lin’s bed with your outfit from the previous night before. You checked your phone, the screen bearing the time 7:12, Monday morning. About 4 hours until you had to be back at work. 

You didn’t have to dig into your backpack for much longer after that to find a pair of well-worn jeans you had bought not long ago, along with your favorite turtleneck. Pippa had even managed to find your apron for work. You made other silent thanks you's to the above that she had the same taste in clothes as you did. She even was able to do it in the middle of the night.

As you continued looking through your backpack, you had located your toothbrush and toothpaste, along with your hairbrush. Pretty much everything you needed, since you already had your makeup and some perfume you had stashed just in case from the previous day. 

You headed off for the bathroom, which thankfully you knew the way to. You made sure to be quick at brushing your teeth and hair and doing what you could before putting the shower on. You reluctantly stripped from your clothes from the previous day, stepping into the shower, knowing what was to come. And also hoping Lin didn’t mind you using it so early.

Thankfully, the experience felt soothing and familiar, the rush of warm water on your skin was relieving. The memory of Lin’s hands in your scalp came to you as you scrubbed the previous day off. You recalled the lingering kisses going down your body, your neck. Lin’s hands going down your chest as you gripped his hair-

“Don’t think about that right now!”

You sighed. It would do you no good anyway. You spent a few more moments just enjoying the warm water before slipping into a fluffy towel. You turned off the shower and slowly approached the mirror, kneeling to get Lin’s hair dryer from his cabinet. It only brought the memories of his hands on you, the warmth of the hairdryer air and his body flushed against yours. You felt yourself becoming flustered of the memory before shooing it away and plugging the hairdryer in.

You quickly got it over with, alternating between patting your hair with the towel and blowing the ends of your hair. You put it in a ponytail as you reluctantly looked at the bodysuit you had put out. This was getting ridiculous, get it over with. It’s only until you have to go to work, plus Pippa probably didn’t know any better. You slipped on the underwear poor Pippa also had to scour through to find and slipped on the bodysuit. 

You barely recognized yourself when you reluctantly looked in the mirror. Everything you didn’t think you’d need to emphasize was topped a notch. You had to admit, you looked better in it than you had thought. It was a slight improvement, though not improving anything above your body.

Apparently, someone else had that thought in mind, or disagreed with your slight disapproval in your physical attributes, as you heard a sharp wolf-whistle coming from the opening of the bathroom door. You saw a disheveled Pippa leaning against the doorframe with an amused expression on her face, though you knew she was only teasing. You had been secretly hoping it was Lin, but he had been out cold, so you couldn’t blame him.

“I guess that my embarrassing sortying-through-someone's-closet worked out well?” Pippa jabbed playfully, entering to observe herself.

“I suppose it has, thanks to you, Pippa,” you murmured as you put your hair in a bun. You were still a little embarrassed she had to go through your stuff. “I haven’t put this thing one before, just so you know. A little reminder of my sister Madeline that I stole when I left my family’s house.”

“Mm.” Pippa sighed, grabbing a seemingly unused toothbrush from Lin’s cupholder and twirling it in her fingers. Was it only you, but she seemed… nervous? Sad?

“You okay? Did something bad happen last night?” You put a hand on her shoulder as reassurance, but it didn’t look like it helped much.

“I’m guessing you don’t remember anything following brunch?” She said slowly, looking into the mirror at the two of you. 

“Pippa…” You didn’t want to push further on her, but none of it seemed good, and your curiosity won over you. “Tell me, please. If it has something to do with me, I need to know.”

“Lin agreed to the bet, (Y/N). He told you last night, and you seemed like you were upset with him and you passed out cold.” Pippa stated quietly. 

You were taken aback at what she said. Did he agree to it, for real?

A wave of memories took over you, and you remembered the taxi ride clearly. Your talk with Pippa, gaining trust in her. Lin admitting to it as you were about to talk about it with Pippa. Your rage seething clear as you lost consciousness. You had honestly thought it was some sort of sick fucking joke, him just messing around with you.

“I see.” Your voice didn’t sound like your own. It almost shocked you. The amount of confusion and sadness in your voice when you should be incredibly pissed with him about it.

“I think it would be best for you to talk to Lin first before I tell you about the events after your passing out thing?” She stated it with pity and her own rage for the whole situation in her eyes.

You slowly nodded as Pippa walked back out into the hallway toward the kitchen. But you still had questions to ask her.

“Wait, Pippa!” You whispered as you followed her into the kitchen.

She looked (and probably) like she knew her way around Lin’s house, as she had plugged in his coffee machine and had all sorts of breakfast foods out. The smell of coffee made you relax a bit, but there was no time for relaxing at this point. The coffee scent only reminded him of you in his arms, combo scent of coffee and him relaxing you from that dreaded Brandon anxiety attack. 

Yet, that memory only made you ache for Lin’s arms to be wrapped around you. And the lingering question of how Pippa knew Lin’s apartment so well.

You fought back the hot tears threatening to come out of your eyes as you approached Pippa. She seemed even more disheveled than before, her eyes were wide and her fingers anxiously drummed the kitchen counter as she waited for the coffee to finish. She shared a nervous glance with you before turning her attention back to the coffee brewing.

“Everything alright?” You approached Pippa, who seemed to be deep in thought.

She let out a snort, which surprised you. “I should be the one asking you that. Ironic.”

“Pippa, it’s alright, you shouldn’t be worrying about that.” You tried to convince her, but it sounded weak to you.

“I have every right to. You’re my friend, and I want to do everything I can to help.” Pippa roughly ran her hand through her hair.

You slowly approached her, going in front of her and leaning against the counter. You could see that Pippa felt really bad, and she truly did want to help in any way she could. But this was business that had to be dealt between you and Lin. To discuss if whatever you had would stand a chance and all the problems you’ve shoved behind you to deal with later.

“And you’re an amazing friend, Pippa,” you assured her. “But this is something to be dealt with me and Lin. We’ve been needing to discuss other things that have been popping up anyway. Yesterday we revealed a lot of things we need to go over with after we come up with a compromise or something for the bet.”

“I understand,” Pippa pulled you in a tight hug, and you gladly returned it. “I told Lin some of the things I told you initially, so maybe you will see eye to eye on things better.”

“I hope so, I really do.” You felt a tear slide down your cheek. Even though you were mad, sad, disappointed, every feeling you’ve ever felt is on edge. You loved him like crazy, and if you ever let go of him, you weren’t sure what level of pain and regret you would feel.

“Let’s eat some breakfast, huh?” Pippa wiped the tear off your cheek.

“Agreed, no more sappy shit.” You pulled her into a hug again, you were forever grateful to have such a good friend.

You eventually made boiled eggs along with bacon with Pippa, and of course, got yourself a cup of coffee. The two of you sat on his piano bench and just told stories of your first jobs and embarrassing moments throughout your life and you were grateful to have something to get your mind off of what was to come sooner or later.

You also couldn't get over how upbeat everyone you’ve met in the cast is. Even Pippa has the happy glint in her eye that you recognized from Lin. Even when she was embarrassed over how her first kiss played out in fourth grade, you loved her smile. Damn, you’d kill for a smile like that at this point.

“Hey, everything alright?” Pippa questioned you.

She had probably picked up on your sudden bad mood. You really needed to work on that.

“Yeah, just a little envious on how successful and happy you are,” you put your face in your hands. “I’m really nervous about Lin.”

“Don’t act like I don’t have my share of bad days with Rafa,” Pippa tried to joke, but her pupils suddenly dilated and she stood up. “I forgot to check on Rafa last night. I’ll be right back!”

You saw Pippa speed-walking to the hallway, disappearing into the guest bedroom. You sat at the piano for a few moments, trying to figure out what to do as you heard a frantic Pippa on the phone. Well, it did now give you the perfect opportunity to wake up Lin. Damn it.

You slowly made your way into the hallway, coffee cup in hand. You drained it and ran to put it in the sink before going back into the hallway and opening the door to his bedroom. Deep breaths. This is easy, right?

You attempted a small smile on your face as you approached him, careful not to make any noise on his hardwood floor. You noted that Lin also had the same pair of clothes from last night. This all felt wrong to you, it wasn’t your style to wake up a man that probably hadn’t had a proper sleep in forever, but you continued moving closer to Lin’s sleeping figure.

You gently hopped back on the bed, crawling over his body and laying yourself against him.

“Lin,” you whispered, your mouth against his ear. He was still out cold. “Babe, wake up.”

You felt him shift against you, suppressing a groan as he blearily opened his eyes at you. His eyes widened in shock and he moved to lay flat on his back, knocking you off of him.

“Oh shit!” He mumbled in a gravelly voice, crawling toward you and cradling your head. “You okay?”

“Yes, don’t worry!” You laughed as you laid on top of him. God, he was sexy when he woke up.

Lin stared up at you and situated his hands on your waist. He slowly rose up, your legs wrapped around his waist, his hand cupping your face.

“You’re wearing something new,” he smirked as your bodysuit. “It looks really cute on you, babe.”

“Your hair looks really great also,” you laughed at his disheveled hair. 

He playfully stuck his tongue out at you, ticking your sides. You playfully protested until you found yourself pinned by Lin.

“Say I win and I’ll stop!” He declared, his hands ready at your sides.

“Hmm… Never!” You yelled, struggling to pull free.

“Well, I’m gonna have to remind you that I’m the one that has you pinned to my bed,” Lin winked, leaning in to press a light kiss to your lips.

God, you missed having his lips on yours, like there wasn’t a ton of problems on your back. Like you weren’t angry at him or he wasn’t disappointed in you.

You pulled his face closer to yours, pressing your lips against his with just as much vigor. Your legs around his waist tightened its grip and your hands clutched his shirt. Lin’s kisses traveled down, pressing rough kisses on your jawline as you caught your breath, bringing your hand up in his hair and clutching it.

“Lin,” you bit your lip, trying to suppress a moan as his hands traveled up to the zipper of your bodysuit, zipping it down slowly and bringing his nails up and down the skin of your back. He was making you feel reckless

“Yes, mi cariño?” He grinned cheekily as he pulled down your bodysuit to your waist.

You arch your back to let him unclasp your bra. “We should probably talk about,...-shit.”

His mouth was immediately latched on to your sensitive skin, sucking and teething to tease you. His kisses trailed back up to your face, letting go for a moment to nuzzle the side of your face, and you unconsciously ran your fingers through his scalp. He let out a content hum as he buried his face in your neck, pressing sweet kisses there. 

You weren’t all about ruining the moment, but you weren’t sure how long the two of you could pull off ignoring your problems before one of you mentally combusted.

“You know we can’t put this aside anymore, hmm?” You murmured into his hair as he flipped you so you were laying against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

“I know. I’m sorry,” Lin whispered, his hands stilling at your waist. “I’m not really into talking about the bad side of my past.”

“That makes two of us.” You moved your head upward to meet his gaze, met with a sleepy smile.  
You took that moment to gently move your bodysuit back up, minus the long lost bra, bringing the zipping back up gently to not interrupt the gentle silence enveloping the room. His clutch on you tightened suddenly as if he was afraid you would try to run away from him. 

“You’re right, we should talk,” Lin says suddenly, gently bringing you up and hopping off the bed. You stared at him confused for a moment, before him clarifying, “We should probably sit down more comfortable to talk at.”

“Does coffee have any involvement in this?” You playfully remarked to ignore the churning of nervousness and some anger in your stomach.

“Of course, how could I not smell the coffee you made this morning in my coma?” He smiled, offering his hand as he approached the door. You hesitantly took it, and a part of yourself reminded you it could be your last time ever holding his talented, calloused hands, or playfully remarking with him in that matter. 

But you let the wind take you where it wanted you to, regardless of your fear that something would go horribly wrong. Or that you were going to make the biggest mistake of your life. But it shouldn't matter where the wind blows, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always love the comments checking up on me, making sure I'm alive, and not suffocating on the school work! Also, love kudos too: makes me love you guys even more and reminds me we are a family in this strange fandom that Lin has created. Thank you for always patiently waiting and ily!


	13. It's Impossible To...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: Testing sucks. The joy of my last month of school is being sucked away with the reminder that I have to take all my end of courses and Florida state assessment and CFE's and review packets and geometry boot camps... it gets really old. But, the show must go on, just like Adam Lambert replacing Freddie Mercury (not sure what to think exactly?). But alas, here's the new chapter!

"You okay there, (Y/N)?” 

“Huh?” You turned to Liz, who was looking at you worriedly.

“You have been looking out of it the past day or two. Is something going on that I should know about?”

You set down the rolling pin that you had been using to flatten some cookie dough, taking a deep breath. You weren’t sure if it was to calm yourself down from anger or to stop the tears threatening to come out. Almost nobody what had happened with you yet, or what exactly was going on the past few days following that dreaded Monday. 

To put it in short: Your conversation with Lin hadn’t gone out exactly as you had hoped. Sure, you had covered all the details that you had needed to, everything about his relationship with Karen… and it sort of went downhill from there. You were being modest, it went bad. Worse than you thought possible.

“-Yeah, just haven’t gotten very much sleep,” you faked a yawn, feeling bad for half lying to your closest friend at work. You would get to telling her… eventually. “It’s been a busy week anyway. A lot of customers. A lot of cranky ones, especially.”

Liz laughed. “True, that one dad was in a way indecisive and specific? Anyway, that french meringue buttercream and ganache isn’t going to make itself. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, Liz,” you gave her sideways hug, just so she could avoid your flour-covered apron. “You’re the best. Like, no fucking around, I love you.”

“I love you too,” she grinned as patted your cheek. “Go to sleep early tonight!”

“I promise!”

As she walked away, you observed your workspace, suddenly thankful that you didn’t have to work as a cashier anymore. But usually, you were extremely organized. That was a part of your sometimes intense OCD. But the sheer amount of mess you had on the counter surprised you. When you looked into your reflection, that also surprised you, though a little bit more than your workspace.

You inhaled deeply. It’s barely even been 2 days since your “talk” and the conversation you and Lin had has been tearing you up on the inside. You weren’t sure if you had handled it correctly, or if he had. You had never been more indecisive in your life since, and you were completely sure everyone could sense something going on. 

But that didn’t change the fact that you were completely smitten with Lin, even though you’ve known him for a mere two weeks, nonetheless learning he shared your feelings two days ago.

And so you deflected. Every time someone asked if you were okay. At least, except for Pippa. She was pretty much the only one who could understand. Which is why in your time of need, she gladly opened her apartment to you. 

But you weren’t sure how long you could keep this acting up with Lin before you were torn to the part where you couldn’t fully recover.

You heard a sharp ring from your backpack as you wiped your hands off your apron. As you walked toward the sound of your phone, your head started to spin, and you had to use the counter space to support yourself as you slowly made your way there. You not-so-gently pulled out your phone from your backpack, seeing that it was Pippa, and pressing the answer button immediately. You adjusted the camera when you realized it was a FaceTime.

“Hey (Y/N)!” She chirped. She always beat you to saying hello first. 

“Hi, Pippa!” You sighed, secretly envying how gorgeous she looked. She was in her white dress for the show’s opening song, her hair, and makeup already completed. “How’s are you?”

“I’ve been doing pretty okay, Jasmine got me and Renee coffee this morning, so that’s why I’m so upbeat!” She exclaimed excitedly, grabbing a large Starbucks cup from her little makeup area and take a sip.

“Well, no wonder!” You teased her slightly. “I know how drastic of a change a cup of coffee can make in your usual workday.”

“Right? I was pretty out of it this morning anyway,” She paused for a moment before continuing. “How is work for you?”

“It’s been pretty good, other from the cranky customers, so I’m getting a big headache from all of that. I might have to call in for my lunch break a little earlier than normal,” you sighed, wiping your backpack of the flour you weren’t able to completely wipe off. “And the cast?”

You noticed Pippa wincing slightly before answering, “Well, our rehearsals went well, everyone’s surprisingly upbeat for a Wednesday. Well, everyone except for you-know-who.” 

“Oh.” There wasn’t much for you to say anyway.

She took your rather silent remark as a sign to continue. “He’s not coping with it very well around me. He’s able to cover it up around the cast and I honestly don’t know how he does it. He’s hysterical whenever we’re alone. How are you feeling?”

“I’m not sure what to think, honestly.” You started untying your apron, a slight frown appearing on your face when you glanced at your phone screen.

“What do you mean by that?” Pippa asked you gently. It was always gentle.

“I honestly had no clue. I just-I don’t know if I made the right decision or not. He probably has been going through the same feelings as I am going through all of this, even though he’s the reason I even have all of these emotions now I just feel like something inside of me is empty. Do you understand what I mean?

“Yeah,” Pippa breathed in before rushing on. “I’m really sorry, (Y/N). I shouldn’t have pressured you-”

“No, it’s fine. Really, it is alright,” you assured her, taking off your apron completely in the process. “Do you think I should talk to him? This arrangement is honestly taking the shit out of me.”

“Do whatever feels right to you, girl. But in my opinion-”

You heard a voice Pippa’s line saying, “Five minutes till the start of the show!”

She groaned slightly, rubbing her eyes, before turning her attention back to you. “I wish I could talk longer with you! But anyways, I think Rafa will probably arrive at the apartment before I will. You can just chill while I’m gone, heat yourself some soup if you’d like. I have a wide variety. I love you.”

“I love you too, Pippa. I really can’t thank you enough for doing so much for me,” you smiled as you saw Renee and Daveed entering the room. 

“Hey (Y/N)!” Renee smiled.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, Oreo!” Daveed teased. 

“Hey, Renee! Hey,” You tried to muster up your best imitation of Ashe from Overwatch. “Thomas Jeff. Been a while. You promised you’d write.” 

This remark earned a choked out laugh from Anthony and Oak. Wait, when had they showed up? But you had found out (from Rafa, apparently Daveed’s bestie) that Overwatch was the shit right now. So you put it up to yourself to do some research on it.

“That was a pretty damn good impression of Ashe, I can’t lie!” Daveed remarked with a spot-on impression of McCree.

“We should be voice actors or something right?” you playfully remarked as Daveed recovered from his way-too-infectious laughing.

“Agreed!”

“So, are you guys ready for Friday night? Karaoke night with the cast!!!” Oak whooped. “You’re gonna be singing, right?”

Oh shit. You had completely forgotten.

“Yeah, duh! I promised to sing ‘Satisfied’ didn’t I?” You faked a laugh as you saw a figure walk in and freeze in their tracks.

“Oh hey, Lin! We have your girlfriend on the line!” Anthony exclaimed.

The two of you were frozen for a millisecond, staring at each other. You weren’t really sure what to say. Hi? How you’ve been? Fortunately for you, Lin was able to get out of his daze and spoke for you.

“I should get in my places, don’t want Leslie to tease me about that again!”

You could make out confused looks from the group of people before he rushed out of the room. You could see Pippa with a face of… disapproval? The others just looked shell-shocked.

“Well,” you said, breaking the awkward silence enveloping both lines. “I should be going. About to take my lunch break, so break a leg, you guys!”

“Wait. hold on for a second-” Daveed started, before getting cut off by Pippa with a goodbye before hanging up.

You slowly put your phone on the counter, trying to catch your breath. What had just happened? Why did Lin try to get away from you so quickly? 

You’re mind went into a state of panic as you wondered: what if he just didn’t care anymore?

You felt tears pooling your eyes, and it took all of your willpower not to let them fall. You knew you had to take the day off. Your head felt heavier than normal, and it took you longer than it usually does to clean up your counter. You practically ran out of the room with your backpack, occasionally bumping into someone and muttering an apology, but you continued making a beeline toward your boss’ office.

You tentatively but rapidly knocked on Colin’s door once you arrived, peeking through his door and seeing Maya in there. Well, that was unusual. You heard a muffled “come in” and peeked your head through the door.

“Come on, you can come in, (Y/N),” Maya teased, but it didn’t have a venomous tone in it as usual. Maybe she was… tired?

“Oh, yeah,” you faked a laugh, entering the relatively tiny office. 

“How is the cookie dough?” Maya asked. She must be trying to get you upset. And how did she know about that?

“It’s okay, I’m leaving it to cool for the night,” you replied. You started closing your eyes, leaning against the door, but just willing your breathing to calm down. 

“You okay there?” Maya asked, causing Colin to finally look up. But Maya asking if you were okay, and asking it without sarcasm in her voice? That was definitely new. Strange, but not so bad.

“I’m…really not, I think I need to go home,” you said, your voice trembling the tiniest bit, god damn it. 

“Are you feeling sick?” Colin asked, concern in his voice.

“No—yeah—a little, I just…” Christ, you couldn’t form any coherent thoughts right now, nonetheless your words. “I’ll—I’ll be in tomorrow, I’ll be fine, I just…need to be home right now.”

“Okay…” Colin said, standing up to meet you at eye level. “Call if anything changes, all right?” 

You nodded, managing a brave smile. He smiled and walked over to you, clapping you on the shoulder. “Okay, we’ll see you tomorrow. Feel better, and make sure to get some rest, alright?.”

“Thanks, Colin. I will.”

You couldn’t get out of that building fast enough. You were only faintly aware of a couple of people calling your name – just a few times until they realized you weren’t stopping and then gave up. Someone grabbed your arm at one point, but you just yanked it away, because you were on a mission.

Mission: get yourself the fuck away from work to Pippa’s apartment before you completely broke down crying in front of everyone.

Mission status: half successful.

Instead, you found yourself at a gay bar you knew very well with 3 shots already drained, and to go. You thought it would help with all the thoughts on your mind, but it only seemed to make them intensified. You were barely aware of a girl sitting next to you trying to flirt with you, but you ignored her. But you did want to have fun. Loosen up. Why not, anyway?

“You well know the only person you want to loosen up with is Lin.” Your conscience reminded you. “Your days in high school and college are over.”

You knew you weren’t wrong. But, you weren’t even sure if the two of you were still dating. To you, yes… well. Maybe? No, don’t lie to yourself. But you wished you were. But what if he didn’t share the same thoughts as you did with this whole thing? And it wasn’t like you were going to sleep with anyone. All you could think, feel, breathe, and even taste at night was Lin. It was actually scary how smitten you were with him, alas all the drama.

You knew you had to get home. You quickly swallowed your last two shots and immediately walked out of the stuffy bar, thankful for the cool and crisp air. You were now aware of someone calling you “pretty girl!” and asking you to come back, but you ignored them as you ran down the highly familiar West 12th Street. 

You located, with help from a kind stranger, directions to the nearest station, which happened to be 14th Street Station, a mere four minutes walk away from the bar. You questioned your extensive education as you walked away, your face red from embarrassment. Maybe it was from the shots you eagerly drank, but you weren’t feeling drunk. At least not yet.

As you finally made your way to the Inwood-207 train, you collapsed in the nearest seat you could find, taking a relieved sigh. You were way more exhausted than you initially thought. And you were way dizzier than you had been previously. And had no clue where you should go.

Sure, you didn’t mind going to Pippa’s place, but you wanted to go somewhere else. Eventually, you found yourself taking the stop en route to the Richard Rodgers Theater. You could already see a crowd of people streaming out, the time has really ticked by quicker than you thought. You hastily grabbed the ID Lexie and Edith had gotten you. The security guard asked no questions and quickly opened the cast door for you.

As you entered, grateful for the warm air from the cool weather outside, you could spot Daveed’s poofy hair in the distance. You eagerly ran towards him, every step becoming difficult as your head started spinning. You just needed a familiar face right now.

“Daveed!” You mumbled, your feet giving way and crashing into him.

“(Y/N)! Are you okay?” Daveed gripped your arms and grabbed some of your weight. “You don’t look so good.”

“Duh! Why wouldn’t I-hic!” You hiccuped and burst into a fit of giggles.

“Your drunk, aren’t you?” He stared at you bewildered as you hiccuped. “Yep, you're going to Lin’s room ASAP.”

You were too tired and high to protest as he scooped you up and carried you to Lin’s dressing room. You squealed like a 5-year-old as he carried you, getting confused looked from stage managers and from a few people from the ensemble. Daveed didn’t even bother to knock, opening the door carelessly and taking you inside.

You could recognize Lin, Pippa, and Jonathan in a seemingly deep conversation. As they turned their attention to you, Pippa released an undignified shriek as Daveed settled you on Lin’s couch.

“What the hell did you do to her?!” She screamed, looking to you for a form of an answer. You stared at her confused for a moment, before breaking into choked laughter.

“Nothing!” Daveed raised his hands in defense. “She showed up here drunk!”

“Shit,” Jonathan mumbled, his eyes widened in shock and looking unsure of what to do. “Do you need water or something, fuck!”

“Y-Yeah! Get her some water!” Daveed ran his hand roughly in his hair, obviously stressed.

“What happened?” Pippa gently made her way toward you.

“None of your business,” you snarkily applied, covering your mouth almost immediately after saying it. “Shit, I’m so sorry-”

“It’s okay, I understand,” Pippa said flatly, though you could see sympathy in her eyes, almost chastising. It gave you the unpleasant reminder of your mom. “I should be heading home. Carpool home, please. I swear!”

She gave a lingering look to Lin and a hard glare of warning (which you were confused about) to Daveed before pressing a kiss on your forehead, a small smile on her face. She reluctantly pulled away and ran out of the room, closing her door on the way out. You weren’t sure what message she was trying to convey, but Daveed seemed to understand. He started to slowly back out of the room.

“I should be going too… take care of her, Lin.”

As Daveed slowly closed the door, you saw Lin close it with a lock. He caught your gaze, and you forgot how to breathe. His eye bags were even darker than normal, his hair a mess, and his face unnaturally pale compared to his usual look. It did come to you that you probably looked the exact same, and you were to blame.

“Hey, (Y/N)” he muttered, both his smile and his words sickly weakly.

What were you supposed to do now? You had been excited and nervous to be in a room alone with him, but what to do now? You did know, for a fact, that you didn’t want to lose him. That would be almost too much.

“Hey, Lin.” You replied with a small smile as well. We’ll see how this one goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES, I KNOW I KNOW. WHERE'S THE TALK. That will be in the next chapter, and with a twist. Bad cliffy, I know. But it gets better! Love u guys always, comments and kudos as always. Will probably not be able to update till next week (I caught up on writing the week before) but I'm going to Universal Studios on Friday, so that will be pretty sick. But I will DEFINITELY be updating soon. Mark my words. This time, I swear (:


	14. These New Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well FUCK. I am officially brain dead and if I see one more linear function I swear I'm going to kick something. FINALS SUCK AND IT ONLY FEEDS THE WRITER'S BLOCK AND THE NEED TO EAT ICE CREAM AND WATCH ZAC EFRON BEING SCARY I'M SORRY. These emotions might channel through this chapter a lot, so bear with me. I really hope you guys like this new perspective, though it stays in the second person. I'm not sure. Love you guys though, and I'm praying I won't go to hell for my sins (((;

LIN

God, you couldn’t believe how badly you had fucked up. The whole situation was messier than your past two relatively serious relationships. And you thought breaking up with your high school sweetheart such a long time ago was bad. It was way worse than even Karen though. You felt a deeper stab in your chest than you have ever experienced in your life. Two weeks knowing her, and you didn’t even need to asking yourself without knowing you were completely smitten with her.

Goddamn you.

\--

Your week had been blurry, but you could remember that morning very clearly.

You had found yourself with a cup of coffee that dreadful morning, which was nothing irregular. You usually had a cup at least once a day to deal with the stress, especially on two show days. What was strange was how (Y/N) was there. Not her presence, it was quite the opposite, you were very comfortable around her now. How you were snuggled close to her on your balcony, breathing in her scent. Your knees occasionally brushing as you enjoyed the view of the Brooklyn Bridge,

It was strange in what she was wearing. 

Her bodysuit was quite distracting and completely different from what you’ve seen her wear. You were unaware of the way her curves were able to be pressed against the fabric of anything instead of hiding it. She herself looked more confident in general. The way the sunlight caught in her (L/N) hair, making the color of her hair more of a warmer-toned color. 

To put in short, she looked like an angel.

She must’ve noticed you staring at her while you drank your coffee, as she gave a light smirk and ran her hand on your thigh. Reassuringly. You grabbed her hand, pressing a lingering kiss on it, enjoying her face flush as you continued peppering her. She brought her head to your shoulder, staring at you as her hand continued running up and down your thigh. 

You couldn’t help yourself and move a strand of hair out of her face, leaning down and giving her a kiss. It deepened immediately, and you felt her arms wrap around your neck, pulling you down to her. You wish you could spend time at that moment: cradling her as you shared that comfortable silence following after. Though there were many things that were said while you kissed her, you were busy savoring her every small sound before that calm of the storm ended. 

The surprising thing was that the two of you had been going strong with the talk. (Y/N) had been the one to suggest using the three questions method to get everything off your chest, and you hesitantly agreed. Though, you could agree that revealing more than three things would be too much for both of you. But wasn’t three too many?

“I guess we should start with this talk, huh?” (Y/N) took a last sip of the coffee you were drinking out of, which didn’t bother you in the slightest. 

You sighed deeply, catching a whiff of coffee beans in the air. “We should probably get it over with anyway, right? To move on.”

“Most definitely.” She agreed, her hand interlaced with your own, squeezing in encouragement.

“Okay, so ask me your first question.” You decided to bravely go first, gesturing for (Y/N) to ask her first question. You couldn’t help yourself to wonder how she was coping with all this in her. Acting happy.

“I guess we should just get the easier ones out of the way. The bet,” she said, her hands releasing yours and clenched tightly, resting on her bare knees. “Just everything about it. Origins. How your seemingly bright mind had a good idea to agree on a bet with my friends concerning me when both I and you can make our own decisions, rash or not.”

The words had come out harsher at the end, and you were wincing slightly when she had finished. And you knew you were only getting a small taste of how she was feeling. Your hands drummed rhythmically on your jeans, thinking of how to word your answer correctly. You didn’t want this to be the last time you saw each other, anyway.

“Well, it was the first performance your friends had. We had a HamFam bonding thing at a bar not too far from the theater. We got pretty wasted, and the Jenga game just was getting good,” You seemed to be talking to yourself to make this feel better for you at that last part. “Anyway, somehow your name got in the conversation, I think Edith and Lexie were thanking us for picking the three of you up, and I said it was no problem.”

You could almost even picture the day that this happened, though it was a little grainy. 

“That sounds typical enough,” she sighed, one of her hands tugging the strap of her bodysuit from nerves. It was unfair how gorgeous she was in front of you as you explained how you had potentially ruined all of what you had. “Continue?”

“Yeah. Anyway, we had a few drinks before that, and we were pretty stoned from the alcohol and we ended up playing a truth or dare game or some shit,” you shifted uncomfortably from the expression (Y/N) was giving you. It was all confusion. “And, I don’t remember much from it, but a lot of bets were made, and in the morning Lexie let me know what happened.”

“And basically you drunkenly agreed to a bet? And you couldn’t back out of it?”

“That’s it.”

She covered her face with her palms. You had the urge to comfort her, but you knew you had fucked up bad, and it wasn’t the best time. At all.

“Okay, next question,” she rushed on, and your mouth was agape. “So-”

“Why are you moving on from this so quickly?” You questioned her.

“Well, it was a drunken mistake after all, and I assume that you have the good sense to not pay it if you don’t want this happening again, right?”

“Yeah, but I want to let you know,” you stared at her, trying to convey your message as best as possible. “None of us actually paid money. We realized that we were shitty... Well, they did. I knew that from the beginning. This doesn’t excuse myself, and I want to apologize because I can’t even imagine how fucked up this is for you.”

“Well, I can understand that. I would feel shitty myself, and I wouldn’t want to lose you either.” her gorgeous mouth curved in a small smile. You were aware she sort of insulted you, but you were focused on that last part. “Can I continue with the next question?”

“Alright, alright.” You offered her a small smile of your own. Truly, you were happy with her response. The two of you were making good progress! 

“Karen.”

Oh. 

“Ok,” you were JUST starting to get a hang of this, you can do this. “We met in Wesleyan. Were only just friends until after my last performance of In The Heights. Went to a college reunion thing and we hit it off well. I was doing Freestyle Love Supreme at the time, and I was already almost done with Hamilton when we were officially dating. Then, when Hamilton took off, there were a lot of times I went to parties instead of her place… and-”

“You weren’t there as much, huh?” she questioned, and it was the first time she looked sympathetic. She stood up from her chair and took a cautious seat next to you. “I’m sorry. I wish I had known sooner.”

“It was my fault,” you ran a hand through your face, scrubbing roughly. “I could’ve been more attentive. Loving, instead of being overcome in my work. She had good reason to cheat.”

“Cheating because your boyfriend was caught up in an opportunity he was going to get one isn’t excusable,” (Y/N) countered. “Did she even try to fix things? Give you a chance?”

“Well… not really. But it should’ve been me trying to fix it.”

“Yes, that is true, but if your partner isn’t putting the effort, that’s a recipe for disaster. She was bound to cheat anyway if she didn’t want to interfere.”

“Isn’t the situation with you and Brandon similar though?” The words came rushing out of your mouth before you could even comprehend them. “You didn’t want to leave. He didn’t care about you, he only wanted you for sex.”

“He was more than just my sex-buddy, Lin.”

“I know to you, but do you think he cared about you other than to use you?”

“Lin, I just don’t think you understand though!” her voice immediately became higher from the mention of Brandon. “I wanted to leave, but I just couldn’t! I didn’t want to leave him alone, he would’ve only gone back to alcohol! He did care about me, it was just the alcohol. I wanted to save us.”

She stared at you with a flaming intensity that made you want to cower and hide. But you weren’t about to back down yet. 

“But why, (Y/N)! He treated you like utter shit. He hurt you,” you choked on your words, and the ache in your heart only grew. “He made you feel like you were worth nothing. He cheated on you anyway, for god’s sake! Why didn’t you just leave? Weren’t you expecting that?”

“And why didn’t you leave Karen?” (Y/N)’s voice was barely a hoarse whisper. “Didn’t you know you couldn’t save her after all those times you deliberately spend away from her?

She was going to use that against you?

“Because I loved her!” You exclaimed, and you knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say.

If you thought she was mad before, oh boy, were you wrong. Every inch of her clenched stiffly and a dark shadow passed over her face. You had the good sense to look a little ashamed of what you had said, but it didn’t help to soften the glowering face in front of you. You swallowed thickly. You really needed to stop fucking things up.

“And I loved Brandon,” she replied, her eyes turned away from you. The eyes you had only recognized kindness, tenderness, and pure lust in. But now which had a new intensity of a fire. “Look at us, Lin. We can’t even get past from our exes, so how is this going to work?” 

Tears freely dripped down her cheek as you tried to come up with something to say for yourself. But there was nothing left. Nothing left inside of you anymore. It only felt like a few minutes in this conversation and it was already ruined.

“I understand.”

“I just need some time... to process all of this. This isn’t-” 

“Okay, (Y/N).” Your voice took on a sharper tone, and her eyes widened, shock written in them.

“Okay,” she croaked before rushing away into the apartment, leaving you alone on the balcony.

You tried your best to hold your tears at bay. A few minutes later, you couldn’t hold on to that anchor anymore. You let Pippa see it when you went back inside a few minutes later, (Y/N) and her almost out the door. Squeezing them shut when (Y/N)’s face was combined with anger and wistfulness, Pippa’s was just disappointment. An inaudible warning from Pippa as they rushed out.

But it was only when they left you raked out the sobs. You weren’t sure how long you were sitting there, watching the sun rising on the worst day of your life. That unanswered question lingered through you the rest of the week, and you still weren’t completely sure.

What have you done?

\--

YOU

The two of you stared at each other in disbelief as the silence continued to envelop the dressing room. For once in your drunken state, you had nothing to blurt out. You kept your smile on your face though with the hopes of Lin taking it as a good sign. He seemed out of it though, as well as you, his hands were in his hair as he tried not to stare at you, his eyes seeming to be far away. But the awkward silence was fortunately interrupted by Jonathan, back with a cup of water.

“Here you go…” Oh. Jonathan didn’t know your name.

“(Y/N), and you’re the one and only Groffsauce.” You grabbed the cup of water from him, offering him a small smile. One sip and you felt immediately better.

You could also admit you were already feeling a little more comfortable in Lin’s dressing room, especially when Jonathan gave a wide grin at the expense of the name. But that must’ve just been the water. Yep. Positive. Totally not related to Lin at all. Or the way his eyes sparkled the teeniest bit.

“That’s me!” He exclaimed, eyeing Lin from the corner of his eye for a moment before saying, “Well, I hope you feel better, (Y/N). Don’t throw up, that’s the best advice I could give you. Also. keep her safe, Lin.”

“Thanks, Jon.” You mustered a sleepy-eyed smile, you were pretty tired anyway. He gave you a wink as Lin muttered an, “I will, bye.” to Jonathan’s request. They gave each other bear hugs, and you couldn’t help but find yourself thinking how close they probably were. And how cute they hugged each other. Knock it off, conscience!

Jonathan gave you an awkward wave before rushing out the door. He could probably sense the tension. Lin, on the other hand, was back to his anxiety. He was bouncing his leg on his thigh, biting his lip and not even worrying about staring. He was now watching you nervously at his desk chair. 

“You don’t look very good,” you blurted. “Are you okay?”

You saw his facial expression contort for a split second like he was shocked you would even be talking to him in the first place, before replying, “Do you think I would be?”

“I don’t know, I thought you would be sleeping with someone by now?”

“I don’t move on from people I deeply care about that fast, you know.” He snapped, and your last string of patience broke.

You were hit with your own anxiety at that moment, along with all your thoughts you had unanswered in your mind. The words came rushing out before you could stop them.

“Then why did you leave the room when Pippa was FaceTiming me? Do you not want to continue this anymore?” you said shakily. There was your drunkenness.

Lin’s eyes widened immediately. “What? I thought you wanted to end things with me!”

“Why would I ever-”

“Because you left me!” He yelled, and you could see how vulnerable he had become. A mirror image of yourself. This is probably what Pippa had meant by hysterical.

“I didn’t want to leave you, Lin,” you averted your gaze. You really weren’t enjoying how this was going already. “I made the right decision of taking a break and thinking about things. You were the one that called me out of your own apartment just because you were angry I made the best course of actions in that situation.”

“But you seem to be the cheery one already. I thought you were the one that would’ve moved on quickly. I fucked up, very bad, and you seemed like you were genuinely happy-”

“You really think that was a real smile?” you scoffed. “Imagine how I feel for a moment. I just called things off if you will with a person I’m starting to really care about and trust with all my heart, yet they betrayed me. My best friends since middle school betrayed me too. I’ve had to stay with Pippa all week, and every night, all I could think of is you. I should be hating you right now, but all I can fantasize if you. And I had to wonder every night with anxiety if you were already moving on or seeing someone else. How would that make you feel? Loving someone but they betrayed and ruined everything you had. How can you make the right decision when both could tear you apart?”

“Then let me show you my perspective of things,” Lin’s eyes had turned glassy, but his frown turned more into a deep scowl. “Imagine you get yourself into a hopeless situation and a bet you didn’t even coherently and intentionally agree to. You are convinced the girl could never like you, she was way out of your league, and she wouldn’t bother taking a second glance at you. Then, surprises of all surprises, she likes you back. You are genuinely happy until you realize that this would end very soon because of the fucked up choice you never WANTED to make. The only good thing in your life since your ex-fiance cheated on you with someone she had broken up with is gone along with her. There is nothing you could possibly do because you were so fucked up at that point of time you can’t even imagine life without her even though you only knew her for two weeks. Those were the best two weeks of your life getting to be even friends with her and being in close proximity to her brilliant mind. That’s all gone.”

When Lin had finished, the two of you were at a standoff, and you were surprisingly doing a remarkable job at not showing that his words affected you. But you knew he knew you too well, and he could tell he had crushed you. Every fiber was gone.

And you were sure Lin knew you could see that you hurt him as well with your words. 4 days only, and the two of you still couldn’t get anything past each other. Your mentality couldn't stand it anymore. The way his eyes looked broken.

“Lin, I’m so sorry-” You choked out before being shushed by Lin.

“You have absolutely no reason to be sorry for anything, I deserved the space arrangement, but it didn’t make things better,” he said sharply, but you knew it wasn’t aimed at you. “I’m the one that should be saying sorry-”

“Fuck Lin, but I’ve ruined you! Everything. I’ve ruined all of this, can’t you see?” You soften your gaze, though the alcohol in you was still churning more than ever.

“You did the right thing. I deserve this, and you know that!”

“Lin, listen-”

“Why, after all that I’ve done to you?” You were able to catch another glimpse of sadness in his eyes, and you felt your chest ache even more. It didn’t help that his arms were crossed tightly against his chest, almost as if he was afraid of you. But you reminded yourself you were in his same position days ago on his balcony.

“I feel horrible about this. I thought we needed it-”

“Do you believe that you truly made the right decision, (Y/N)?” He suddenly whispered, his voice becoming firmer. “Do you think I had a good reason to be angry with you at that point in time?”

Lin knew you too well. He knew that, and you knew. You also knew that he didn’t even have to look straight at you to know the answer to that question. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.” Lin reasoned, he could probably see the pain masked in your eyes. 

“No, I didn’t. Honestly,” you added, to emphasize your point. “But that doesn’t make what you did any better.”

“Well, I think that in that point of time, you might’ve thought space was the best thing for us.”

“I didn’t think much so for you,” you admitted His facial expressions dropped profusely but you continued. “I mean, I thought you didn’t care that much, honestly. You would move on eventually. There are many girls on twitter that would love to be with you, anyway. It really couldn’t be too difficult.”

“I’m only interested in one special lady. A gorgeous, witty, funny, and all-out amazing woman that makes me breathless every time she enters any room she graces her presence in. Who annoys me to hell sometimes, especially recently, but I still go back to her. I wouldn’t choose anyone else.”

“I don’t believe that, honestly.”

“Would you let me help you believe it?” He walked over to you, taking a seat next to you on the loveseat. Not very fitting for the stance you were in, but you could work with it.

“I’ve been told for many years that I looked like shit, so I’m not sure it would be an easy thing.”

“I’m sure that they were jealous. Look at yourself, (Y/N), you’re a stunner. You’ve understood me like no one else has these past few weeks. Sure, we have our mistakes, especially me, and our regrets. But those are things you can get past. I don’t care how long it takes me,” Lin at some point had taken your hand during this, rubbing his thumb on your palm. “Do you believe that I would do that?”

“Yes, of course, you would. You’re amazing and sweet and gorgeous yourself.” 

“Back at you,” he grinned, bringing your palm up to kiss, looking straight at you.

You felt your face grow hot, remembering what had happened on his balcony. His hands on your waist, your arms around your neck. It reminded you of the empty feeling in your gut you’ve struggled with this week. In a second, you decided what you wanted, no matter the regrets you might have in the future.

With this sudden surge of courage coursing through yourself, you found yourself scooting closer to Lin on the couch. He looked at you with interest, but you continued to your goal. Before you could even stop yourself and try to think this completely through, maybe to convince yourself out of this, you climbed over Lin and sat on this lap. You tucked your legs around his waist when he squirmed in confusion.

“What are you doing-” Lin started, and you bravely silenced him by leaning forward and pressing your lips against his.

He was slow to respond, at first, as you exchanged lazy kisses for a moment. He had his hands crossed to his chest as if he was hesitant to touch you. You were the one to break away from the kiss, panting as Lin caught his own breath. 

You rested your forehead against him, bringing his hand slowly to cup your face. He didn’t say no out loud, though his unasked question was left hanging in the air, and his eyes were wide in shock as he took in your flushed appearance. He did that to you. You noted his irises were darker than normal and his lips were already slightly swollen. His hair was already falling out of its bun, and how you did that to him. You silently wondered how bad you probably looked yourself before he captured your lips with his.

This was much better. You smiled into the kiss as he slowly responded to you, his lips parting against yours and your kisses becoming more firm. His strong hand still cupped your chin, his other moving from the side of his chest to your waist, holding you tightly against him. You grabbed a hold of his hair as your tongue swept inside his mouth, getting a low sound from Lin as your hot tongues collided against one another. 

You could already feel him getting excited just from your kissing, so you lifted your hips slightly off of the couch to meet his in order to create friction between the two of you. Lin gasped against your lips and tugged at the hem of your polo shirt, helping you pull it off your head and tossing it on the floor. His mouth was attached to your neck, sucking your sweet spot as you continued rocking your hips in unison to his. Your heart continued beating faster by the minute, anticipating how this would unfold.

“(Y/N),” Lin murmured breathlessly in between kisses to your neck, and it’s probably the most beautiful sound you’ve heard. You pulled into his hair harder, getting a groan in response. “Please-”

“What do you want, Lin?” You let your hands roam his chest, unbuttoning his shirt as your kisses trailed to his neck. You paused your movements when you reached his ear, nibbling his earlobe gently.

“Mmmmh,” Lin’s head was thrown back, soft groans escaping as you licked a line up his collarbone.

“Say it, love. I want to hear it,” you commanded him gently, your mouth hovering close to his.

“You.” His voice was a few notes deeper than normal, and his eyes were etched in lust.

You rewarded him with a grin and brought his lips back to yours, kissing urgently as your hands slowly went down his chest. When you got the last button undone on his shirt, Lin helped you make quick work of the garment, throwing it on the floor as your hands continued wandering his chest. You felt Lin’s hands go to your back, his hands tracing the clasp on your bra, seeking your permission. You reached back and let him unclasp it, letting your own hands continue to slowly go down as he shrugged your bra off your arms.

Lin was having his own fun as he teasingly traced his finger around your sensitive skin, earning a shiver from you. He grinned fiendishly before his hands palming them roughly. You released quiet moans as you continued to lavish him with kisses peppering down to his collarbone, gently sucking the sensitive skin as your own payback. You let your hands continue to trail up and down his chest before resting on the hem of his sweatpants, tugging gently for some sort of affirmative.

“Are you sure you want to do this though? What with everything going on, and we aren’t technically together…” he looked at you in a questionable gaze, and you nodded fervently.

“Please,” you begged. “I don’t want to think about that right now.”

He gave you a short nod, pushing your hand lower to his protruding crotch. Your fingers hooked under his sweatpants and you began fumbling as pulled down the zipper. Lin’s lips were parted as you pushed his pants down to his knees, revealing his boxers beneath. You offered a smile to him, though nervously, as you lowered your body down to his chest. You still weren’t sure what you were doing, this wasn’t your specialty for sure, but you decided to just go along with it.

You ran your finger his crotch over the fabric, Lin’s fingers running through your hair gently as you slowly started to palm him. He began to push his hips slightly forward, wanting more. You slowly slipped his briefs down along with his sweatpants on the floor, his cock spilling out. You took it in your hand, nervously swallowing as you observed Lin.

He was already panting hard, his hands clenching both sides of the couch. You got a little more confidence in yourself, licking your lips as you pressed a kiss to his balls. His breath caught in his throat, pushing his head back as you began to squeeze his length with your hands, moving your hands up and down rhythmically.

As you continued to kiss at his balls and the base of his cock, he started to moan as his hands guided your head gently as you kissed all the way up his shaft. His hands were deep in your hair as you reached his tip. You pulled back from him momentarily, teasing the tip with your fingertips, earning yourself a shiver from Lin. He was already completely hard against your hand.

“(Y/N)-” Lin moaned, his hips jerking toward you involuntarily.

“Eager, aren’t you?” You smirked coyly at him, proud that you were able to get him completely eager against you.

You finally guided the hilt into your mouth, giving the tip a long stroke before taking him in. He groaned as you eased him in, feeling the tip hit the back of your throat. Soon, you were moving a little farther down, bobbing your head around as your hand worked in time.

You could tell you were somehow hitting the right spot from gasps of breath and the way his hips continued to buck forward at some points. Before long you felt his hands at your arms, pulling you up back on his lap before he got too close to coming. He kissed you roughly, guiding you to lay down on your back. His kisses trailed down to your chest, capturing your breast in his mouth. Sucking and teething, making a popping sound when he released it.

“God, you were so good,” he hissed as his kisses trailed to your neck, biting just under your earlobe and trailing to meet your gaze. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed that.”

“Mm, I think I have a clue.” you mused, bringing his lips back to yours. 

You continued making out with him for a few minutes, wrapped in his arms. You must’ve lost the track of time before hearing a sharp ring, started the two of you. You rushed to your backpack and quickly pulled out your phone, seeing it was Pippa, and picking up immediately.

“Hello?” you gasped.

“Having a good time, huh? It’s almost midnight,” Pippa laughed. “I was just gonna ask if you were gonna stay with Lin.”

“I would think you know the answer to that,” you grumbled, though you were just teasing. “But I do need to get my stuff from your house.”

“Already have that covered. Dropped it off at your place right now.” She replied proudly.

You felt a tightness growing in your chest. “Were Edith and Lexie…?”

“Yeah, but you should talk to them. Please. If you’re able to forgive Lin…”

“I and Lin are still figuring things out, you know,” you lowered your voice to a whisper, hoping Lin would get the message and be kind enough to not eavesdrop. “But I do need to talk to them. You’re always right in one way or another.

“So you admit that I’m the mad genius? Finally!” - “Well, I said in one way or another. But would you consider an almost death experience of trying to seduce Rafa genius? But then again, we see how well that went, so I don’t need an answer!” - “Oh shut up, would you!”

“I do actually want to know what happened though!” Pippa changed the topic quickly, obviously insistent for a topic change.

“Shh, I’ll tell you all you want tomorrow. Maybe,” you mused. “I’ll tell you how we were making out on his couch, or how I went down on-” 

“Holy shit, keep going. I might even post it on Twitter if it gets hotter!” Pippa squealed.

“Oh my god, you know what? Never mind. No need for blackmailing today. I’ll talk to you soon, and I’ll make sure to spill all of the recent tea.” you managed to get in one breath (you were lying, it was actually a few really shaky ones) without cracking up, but that quickly ended when she shrieked into the line.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to wrangling the pile of clothes. Ciao!” She whispered. “By the way, I’m really happy things turned out well. Or however, they went.”

“Me too, good night Pips,” you whispered back, grinning as you hung up.

“What did she say?” Lin asked curiously, already hassling through his clothes. You quickly found your shirt and bra as Lin put his button-up back on.

“She dropped off my backpack at my apartment, and she might blackmail me if I tell her what we were doing, or if we continued.” You answered casually, maybe to unnerve him.

“Well, I’m a bit disappointed we won’t be continuing this.” he laughed, though he seemed… nervous? “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.

“Yes?” You turned to him, and he scratched his neck. Yep, he was definitely nervous.

“You see, um, my parents are hosting a benefit dinner party for a charity... and it would mean the world to me if you came as my plus one. For moral support and all. It’s for relief efforts in Puerto Rico and I am incredibly nervous-”

“Of course Lin, it would be an honor!” You assured, rubbing his biceps. You couldn’t help but notice that they were much firmer than you thought, and you flushed at the thought. “When is it?”

“Saturday night, and I’ll pick you up,” he ran a hand through your arm, deep in thought. “Are you sure you want to come? I don’t wanna pressure you into anything if you don’t want to.”

“I’m sure! I’m incredibly flattered you thought of me, and I can’t even imagine how much this means to you. I would really love to come and be a part of something so clearly important in your life.”

“You’re the best!” He grinned, pulling you in for a kiss. It didn’t last as long as the kisses you had shared moments ago, but it made your stomach flutter in excitement. 

You stifled a yawn. “I should probably be going to bed soon, work and karaoke are on the schedule tomorrow!”

“True, and I don’t want to be that boyfriend that deprives you of sleep.” Lin’s flushed when he realized what he said.

Your smile grew. “And I don’t want to be that girlfriend that deprives you of sleep either.”

Lin bit his lip and gave the cutest little grin. All your worries about this melted instantly, and you leaned into his touch. He pulled you in his arms and you put your face on his shoulder, his head tucked in your neck. 

“Would it be too early say that I really care about you?” He murmured quickly, and you stroked his hair.

“Some people would say so, but I don't think it is,” you whispered in his hair. You lowered your voice to almost an inaudible tone, “Is it bad that I feel the same after such a short period of time too?”

“I wouldn’t care if people thought so, but I think otherwise.” Lin pulled away from your neck, his hands on your shoulders. You could tell how tired he was from one look. “Call it a night?”

“I agree, I’m kind of fucked.” You agreed, interlacing your fingers with his and slipping out the dressing room door.

On the way to your apartment, you had time to consider this evergoing dilemma of yours of how you should handle the situation. You know each solution by heart, and both you knew for a fact would sound foolish to anyone you would be able to tell. But what if he got sick of you, or found someone else he wanted to be with? You didn't know if you would ever be able to recover from such a revelation when you were so deep in this charade.

These thoughts stopped when you arrived at your apartment, cautiously opening the door and seeing Edith and Lexie on the couch. They both jumped up at the sight of you, but then you opened the door and they saw you and Lin’s entwined hands.

“Oh, I thought it didn’t go out well, Lin!” Lexie cried out, racing toward you and pulling you in a long hug, despite your awkward side-hug in response.

“Where have you been this week? We’ve been worried sick!” Edith gave you a tight hug after Lexie, gripping your shoulders tightly.

“Pippa’s, and Jesus, you’re cutting off my circulation!” you whined.

“Fine, fine. It’s just that there are things to talk about. Tomorrow?” Lexie offered, hope clear in her voice.

“Alright, I just need at least a 12-hour nap,” you assured them, squeezing Lin’s hand and guiding him to your room. “Good night.”

You immediately breathed in the scent of your bedroom once opening the door, collapsing onto your bed. You wished you could sleep there right and then, you were that exhausted. But you were sweaty, still in work clothes, and with Lin.

Fortunately, Lin didn’t have to deal with most of those things, as the cast apparently showers at the theater. He was already set up, waiting for your permission to sit down. You patted next to you and he lied back, his hands twirling patterns on your forearm. You couldn’t get over how he was looking at you like you were the only thing in this little world you were sharing.

“Hey, (Y/N). You good?” He laughed softly as your eyes continued fluttering.

“Yeah, just wanna sleep. But I need to take a shower,” you mumbled, curling up to his chest. “And I’m gonna make you dirty.”

“Well, we were pretty intimate back in the dressing room, so I’m cool with your presence. If you’re tired, then sleep.” He commanded you gently, and you could feel your eyelids listening to his words. 

“Good night, Lin.”

“Good night, (Y/N).” 

You could feel yourself being picked up and brought closer up the bed. You felt your head hitting your familiar pillow, your comforter rising to your neck. The warm feeling of Lin wrapped around you that you had longed this whole week, though in denial for it. Lin whispering something inaudible before his body fell into the rhythm of sleep. His soft snorts hitting the crook of your neck, your hands tangled in his hair. 

For the first time since that dreaded morning, you drifted into a comfortable sleep without a single thought of worry or doubt. Vertigo you never knew could exist swirling through you. 

You couldn’t deny that all of these new feelings you were experiencing could be criticized. How you could be making a grave mistake of running back to your mistakes and troubles. But you loved how it all felt.

You wouldn’t be able to run away from it.

Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord forgive me for this. I really don't know what my dirty little mind, my arguing-hating self, and my move-quickly mind came up with. This is a pretty accurate description of life. Now, I'm going to cry into my ice cream now while I wonder how many more horrible block schedules and weird lunches and blocked hallways I have to go through before I mentally combust. But actually, I love writing this. This is my escape from the hecticness and every break I have that I'm not 110% brain dead. Thank you always. I love reading all these new stories and getting new inspiration, because we all share this secret fantasy fuck buddy, huh? 
> 
> I won't ever put it that way again. I cringed. But I can't deny it. <3


	15. Besame Mucho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omggg hi guys, it's kinda been awhile lol. I'll keep this short, but school is starting soon and I recently got accepted into a program for a scholarship that basically needs a lot of attention. I will try to post at least once or twice a month, but there's no guarantee. I love all my works to death, and all the works I read, but this is a really important opportunity that I want to take full advantage of. I hope you understand, I have loved anything involving cooking or baking since I was a little kid, which is why (Y/N) is a baker in this AU. This program offers me the opportunity to get the education at basically no cost, and this would put my dreams to reality!  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter. The next one is basically all written out, just needs editing. <3

As you woke from your slumber, sunlight hitting your eyes, you immediately felt disoriented. It didn’t really help that you got whiplash when you got up so quickly, only adding to your hangover daze. Besides that, you were confused as to where you were until you found some familiar framed photos and candles, familiar cabinets where you kept your secret stash of assorted snacks.

After a moment of processing, it finally got to you; you were back in your apartment.

As you continued looking up and around in your room, it felt weird at first. Well, definitely more than weird, since you hadn’t been here this entire week. It felt more… nostalgic. Melancholy, perhaps? No, definitely more on the missing-my-fuzzy-slippers gist.

Maybe it was more of missing the nostalgic vibes you had when you had crashed at Pippa’s apartment. You had discovered that microwaved beef ravioli was a great comfort food when you were a sobbing mess. Watching Mary Poppins and Fiddler On the Roof was also great, even while Rafa blasted up Overwatch with Daveed. 

Yes, very nostalgic. That’s a story for another time.

Although you should be feeling angry, you felt even more comfortable than you already were. It was worth considering though, you shared this place (and bill payments) with best friends that betrayed you. More than betrayed you, kept secrets and lied to you perhaps, to cover up their own mistakes.

You don’t talk about that right now. At least, not yet. That shouldn’t be a story you didn’t know already, same to them.

You considered how this part two of talk would play out with your friends until you came to realize an arm was draped around your waist. And a face was tucked in the crook of your neck, but not just any face. A certain Lin, the last person you were expecting, his beard scratching against your skin combined with his soft snores. 

Flashes of the previous night raced through your mind at once, and a blush started to form on your cheeks. No wonder you were confused when you first woke up, you must’ve been more drunk than you had anticipated. Although, that didn’t surprise you as much as you remembered what happened with Lin. 

In complete honesty on your part, you weren’t sure what bright idea you must’ve thought up when you decided to go to the theater. Even though you were thinking very straight, maybe it was to console with Pippa or even Daveed. After all, you were near his dressing room when you stumbled upon him, literally.

Your consciousness had long ago (as in right now) concluded that it didn’t change the fact that Lin’s dressing room is quite conveniently two doors from Daveed’s. You couldn’t decide whether that was a coincidence or a self-conscious decision you had made. Though rash, and you were drunk.

You could consider this later, though. You had a job, friends to talk to, shopping for karaoke, and reserving tables to do. This would quite simply have to wait. And, if all goes to plan, you had that gala with Lin to look forward to, and you knew you wanted to be there. You didn’t need your heart, mind, or soul to come to a conscientious on that matter.

Not only for Lin, but for the cause, and perhaps meet his parents on the way.

You smiled softly at that, feeling somewhat ready to conquer the day. Slowly lifting Lin’s arm from your waist proved to be easier than it had initially seemed, as he was in a deep sleep. You could safely admit though, the snores admitted from him were quite entertaining. 

Even climbing out of bed was simple - you usually just rolled out like a grumpy burrito, but you jumped out with newfound energy. In your long-missed fuzzy slippers, too! 

You weren’t complaining though. It wasn’t every day you just woke up refreshed as you felt right now, especially after you were drunk and currently having an extreme hangover. And it didn’t hurt that you went down on the almost-EGOT Puerto Rican in his dressing room.

This weird (not dick, haha) energy had stayed with you even when you landed in your shower; you had thought scrubbing away what you had gone through the previous morning would drain you. But it only added one more good reason why you should talk to Lexie and Edith. Besides, you weren’t (completely) nervous about talking to them anyway - if you could forgive Lin, surely you could forgive your best friends of 12 years.

During this particular shower though, you put it to yourself to listen to some new songs as you shaved your legs. *MAJOR RANT WARNING. ALSO, THIS IS ALL MY OPINION* Taylor Swift’s new music video was first of all surprisingly amazing, you liked the message she was putting out there. Shade doesn’t make anyone less gay? Work! Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes though? You are thoroughly convinced they are secretly dating (PSA when I wrote this they didn’t confirm and they did and I’m like eeee!!!). At Least you know what they were doing last summer hehe wink. Katy Perry’s song was poppy, catchy, and overall a good in-your-feels song. The chorus is pretty epic anyway, and you’re excited to be hearing it on the radio eventually. Lastly, Lil Nas X apparently isn’t a one-hit-wonder? Hip-Haw is going to dominate our generation now, I guess. You thoroughly enjoyed 99% of his songs. Plus, the way he came out of the closet was priceless, so that didn’t hurt either.

As you finally got out of the shower after a thorough singing session and finished putting on your work attire (leggings, a fuzzy cardigan you wore when you met the Pippa, Jazz, and Renee and your work apron), you began to notice hushed tones coming out of your bathroom door. You froze for a moment, thinking of going out there and awkwardly shuffling around your friends, especially if it was Lin with them. You managed to put that aside as you got out your toiletry bag. You decided on putting foundation and a layer of mascara. 

Heck, you even added some highlighter and lip gloss for the fun of it. You were in that type of mood, and you were willing to take advantage of it!

Finally walking out of the restroom, you instantly detected the smell of chocolate and cinnamon, and you perked up. You could really use a damn good latte right at this moment, it smelled incredible. You definitely weren’t disappointed when you entered the kitchen, the aroma hit you like a hammer.

You found, as you peeked through the entrance, not more than one person, as you had thought in the bathroom. It was Lin at the coffee machine, which made your heart warm. He had somehow managed to have a costume changed while you were in the shower, and he had was clad in an old hoodie from your university and a matching pair of your enormous sweatpants. His hair was in a signature ponytail, though a few wisps managed to escape it.

In an abbreviated form of your first analysis, he looked cute as hell in your clothing.

You continued watching Lin for a moment, enjoying how he was walking around the kitchen while humming and quietly talking to himself. You apparently weren’t able to hide well, because it didn’t take very long for Lin to finally notice you. His wide smile and his sparkling eyes caught yours for a moment, his trot not registering to you until he was face-to-face with you.

Nothing was said between the two of you in that moment of observing each other, just your eyes raking up and down each other’s bodies. As you were about to open your mouth, Lin decided to take that opportunity to close the distance between the two of you. He cupped your chin and brushed his lips against yours, his hands gripping your waist. 

He eventually captured your lips in a kiss, slow and gentle. When he pulled away as fast as he initiated it, you felt butterflies in your stomach. You had really missed kissing Lin, and it felt nice to be so close to him again.

“Good morning,” Lin’s gravelly voice turning something you didn't know you had on. “Sleep well?”

“Surprisingly,” You hummed, your arms naturally fitting around his neck as he pulled you in an embrace. “Good morning to you, too!”

Lin simply hummed back in response, squeezing you tighter. You were sure you could fall asleep again in his arms.

As you eventually pulled away, you let out a small sigh. “I must confess, you look extremely sexy in my own clothes. How the hell do you fit in them?”

“I have been told I have a feminine figure,” he chuckled, though he didn’t sound too worried about the edge to your tone. “Also, you took my line. Though, you look extremely sexy all the time.”

“Smooth, Miranda!” Well, he got rid of the edge of your voice quickly.

“Well, it’s sort of my job now,” Lin agreed, squeezing your shoulders gently. “You want anything to drink?”

“Surprise me!” You requested, which in turn made Lin walk back into the kitchen. 

You decided to lean on the kitchen counter as you watched him work. As you had noticed before, he did seem to enjoy humming and dancing to himself as he prepared your drink. While you giggled quietly to yourself at his antics, only then did he really seem to notice you watching, as he struck a pose and started singing. 

To make you even more amazed by him, it was in Spanish. The exotic language filled the air all the while Lin poured the steaming liquid into a mug and moved his hips in a silent beat. While salsa, meringue, and bachata isn't your forte (at all), he seemed to alternate between them effortlessly. It was beautiful, in your opinion, how fluently he was able to do both sing and dance while his attention was focused on something completely opposite. Yet, he made it endearing and fun.

Only when he started gesturing to you did you shake out of the awed daze you were in.

“I really can’t dance, Lin-” You tried to coax him out of it, but it didn’t stop him from approaching you and pulling you into his embrace.

“Well, now is the perfect time to practice,” he paused, bringing your hands to rest on his shoulders. “We can start slow if you want.”

By the time he had finished his sentence, he had slinked his arms around your waist, effectively trapping you in his arms. You sighed, you really couldn’t say no to the puppy eyes. Besides, if you were going to have fun tonight at karaoke, you could at least practice so you don't completely embarrass yourself. 

Notice the use of completely.

“The floor is all yours, Lin-Manuel,” you finally muttered. “Use it wisely.”

It was all worth it for the wide grin Lin made, his hands tightening around your hips. He leaned in and pressed lingering kisses to your jaw, his thumbs massaging the skin above your waist. His grip on you never faltered as he slowly led you to your living room area. 

Ah, for more room.

“Shall we play a romantically tragic Andrea Bocelli song?”

You laughed when he attempted to sound like an electronic assistant while whispering, “How did you know?”

“You guys seem like the type who would have an assistant that wasn’t your friends.” He chuckled along with you.

“I was expecting some sort of Phil Collins song, you know?”

“Woah, you know your music!” He actually seemed surprised. 

“Mhm, well, go ahead with your song. Or I’ll put on mine.” You threatened.

“Maybe I will!” Lin said, not too soon after saying the magic words to queue a song.

A slow ballad started playing in the air, and suddenly the atmosphere changed. Lin’s hands on your waist became snugger, his breath hitting the side of your cheek. He quickly set a slow pace, light swaying on your part, Oh, but his eyes were full of affection. His dark, swaying, bright eyes that could give away his true intentions. Could make your own eyes betray your good-being.

Besame,  
Besame mucho  
Como si fuera ésta noche  
La última vez

It was too much; you stared down to your barefoot feet. You couldn’t bear trying to keep eye contact with Lin while you were going to embarrass yourself. The sudden flood of emotions of gratitude, doubt, and pure adoration for him. How could you tell your boyfriend (at least, you hoped he was) that you were smitten with him? He could figure it out if he looked a little deeper, behind your poorly shielded gaze.

Besame, besame mucho  
Que tengo miedo a perderte  
Perderte después

You knew you would eventually feel a hand tilt your chin to meet his gaze. You really tried to brace yourself for what you might peer to see in his dark, hooded lashes. He didn’t really need to use words, his eyes spoke for himself. You thought it went something along the lines of 

Yet, he did it anyway. “You’re hot when you’re flustered.”

You definitely weren’t expecting that. Your tongue clicked hard. “Jesus, Lin.”

He didn’t stop himself from letting out an appreciative sigh. Was it directly to your reaction, who knew, but the way he was looking at you made your stomach clench. In voyeurism-type pleasure, though nothing that exciting was happening. Why did your thoughts suddenly have to turn sexual for literally no reason? Could you just dance with Lin and be okay with it?

You told yourself the answer was self-explanatory. Your heart told you otherwise.

Quiero tenerte muy cerca  
Mirarme en tus ojos  
Verte junto a mi  
Piensa que tal vez mañana  
Yo ya estaré lejos,  
Muy lejos de ti

You ignored your feelings for a moment, pressed a kiss against his hand. He smiled, trailing his fingers down to caress your cheekbones. His swaying slowly became real dancing, his feet lifting slightly with each step he took. Following his lead, you tucked your face into his neck, breathing in. It was a gorgeous smell, a perfect combination of a light cologne and coffee. It sounded weird to even say those two scents in a sentence together, but it just worked for Lin.

Besame,  
Besame mucho  
Como si fuera ésta noche  
La última vez

It was easy to get lost into the sensations of the song. The soft and exotic singing and gentle melody of the song that you definitely did not understand, but was still beautiful. The dancing too, which was mostly you being twirled slowly as you tried to follow Lin’s lead, was way more than you had been expecting, and nothing you’ve ever felt when you’ve danced like this.

It was really making your body go into sensory overload, but you liked the way it felt.

Besame, besame mucho  
Que tengo miedo a perderte  
Perderte después

Lin seemed to be enjoying it too. He had begun to hum along with the song, aligning each step you would mirror along to the beat. It was a talent, really. Something that would take lots of practice, but looked so simple and uncomplicated watching it. The way he was dancing looked downright effortless to you, even. You didn’t want to imagine how you must’ve looked.

When the song ended, he dramatically dipped you to the last chord. He smiled down at you, his hands securely holding up in the position. You were shaken out of your daze by the move he made, and it was dramatic (fo shaw), but you found it endearing. You found it in you to grin back as he pulled you back up, your chests flush against one another. 

“That was… wow.”

“At a loss for words?” You couldn’t believe it! Even if you were (which we will NOT talk about), that was unexpected, especially from Lin.

“Apparently,” he grinned cheekily, rubbing the back of his neck. “I took a bold risk by assuming you liked slow dancing. Secretly.”

You reached for his hand to squeeze. “Well, I wouldn’t say secretly-”

“But, you most surely played your cards right, mister. I’m a sucker for romantic songs, just like (Y/N)!” A too familiar voice said in a high chirp. Finishing your goddamn sentence.

You closed your eyes, unsure of whether you were happy the person saved you from embarrassment or mad she interrupted an intimate moment with Lin. 

“Lexie.”

“Alive and half decent!” 

“Yeah, half-decent for interrupting a dance lesson.” Lin grumbled. It took all your willpower not to laugh, because you definitely did not want Lin to see a cranky Lexie. Or Lexie a cranky Lin.

There’s one thing you should know about Lexie. She’s quite the opposite of Edith, she’s more of the cautious and stern one in your group. Like Aaron Burr. She could be fun occasionally, but she could also be really scary at times. You learned it the hard way, but eventually, you grew to her natural defensiveness toward her friends. It was only with the Edith and you was she a really hyper and energetic little ball of energy.

Surprisingly, she really doesn’t look scary (but no one will know you’re lying, right?). She’s not exactly petite, but she isn’t tall like Lexie. But with her Italian genes, she was curvy, curly-haired, pale, and quite burly. The gymnast in her clearly showed even now, you couldn’t mess with her if you wanted to. So, basically a quadruple threat.

“Wow, I’m surprised you’re not happy to see me too, Lin!” She smiled, her arms crossed across her chest.

You were always envious of her ability to pull off anything. Today she had a silk tank top with well-worn jeans, and of course some vsco girl accessories. Compared to your simple cardigan and loose leggings, she put you to shame in her simplicity and plus, her blonde curls couldn’t be beaten. Your (H/C/L) couldn’t compare.

“Lex, I know when you’re pretending to be happy. Your dimples show.” 

Her smile faltered. Had that been too forward of you?

Oh right. You still needed to talk to her. Did you really want to, though? Of course, to get it all over with, but generally, no. But, now or never. This really could affect your future; living arrangements, specifically.

It seemed that Lexie had come to this conclusion, and she dropped her way-too-fucking-cheerful smile. It was quickly replaced with a more Lexie type smile, a really nervous one. You probably mirrored her own gaze, so you really can't blame her. You two specifically had always been able to connect in that strange, clonic way.

“Well, I'll leave you guys to it!” Lin patted your shoulders, looking quite exasperated.

Just great.

“It’ll be fine, (Y/N).” you felt his voice against your skin, pressing kisses to your shoulder before disappearing to the kitchen. 

Sure it would. You really hoped it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are really appreciated. Seriously. They make my day and keep me half-sane for continuing to post this haha xo. I really hope as well you don't mind the Spanish lyrics. I really don't speak Spanish, even though both my parents are from the single greatest island in the Caribbean. Not the Dominican Republic, by the way.  
> (also a shoutout to my favorite girlie FoolsParadise. How she was able to publish 10 chapters while I was on summer break? She is truly insane in all her talents. I admire her so please read her story More Than A Spark if you haven't already).


End file.
